I miss my Daddy

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I miss my Daddy

by Princess

My Dad passed away six months ago from a long journey of battling cancer. He was diagnosed in 2004 and I never heard him complain once. I miss being able to go to him when I have a problem. He always knew exactly what to say that made whatever my problem was look like it never existed. I watched him in pain for 56 hours before he passed. He asked me what was going on and I told him the doctor said he only had a few hours left. He said "no I am not dying! I am fighting this, I am going to beat this cancer." I told him that the doctor said since he hadnt had a bowel movement for 5 days that was a definite sign that death was near. He then proceeded on attempting to go to the bathroom and the pain I saw in his eyes I will never be able to erase. If I could go back to that moment I would stop myself from telling him that. If I didn't tell him about that, he wouln't of tried so hard to do it and he wouldn't of had to go through all of that extra pain in his final hours of life. I can not share this story will many people because they act like I have just shown them a ghost when I mention "bowel movement." But, when someone you love has cancer you realize their isn't much left in their life that is "secret" because when the end is near your loved one needs help doing everything. I know my Dad is in heaven watching over me now. But, I really am struggling moving on. I cry daily, people have told me it gets better...but I feel it has only become worse for me since he passed . I cry even more than I did the first month he passed. I loved my Dad and I want to run up to him and receive his giant bear hug just one more time.
I love you Dad! Your "little princess" forever...

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I miss my Daddy

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my dad too
by: loving daughter

My dad had liver cancer. on the day of his death he coudnt lie down. he was sitting. he was struggling to have bowel movement. little did i know that on their death they struggle for urination.

atleast you guys were able to care for him. iam so guilty i noticed him dying because of our ignorance.

He is in heaven now. without pain.

Cancer is an awful disease!
by: Anonymous

I read your blog and couldn't help but relate to what you went through my daddy just died a week ago from lung and brain cancer. He had to have us do everything for him...from changing his diaper to feeding him...Each day I saw a little more life slip away from him and his dignity go right out the door. My daddy didn't have a bowel movement as well for 5 days and hospice had us give him a brown cow is what they called it and he had one accident after another that day and I regret giving him that because ultimately it didn't do anything for him but put him in more pain. So, I can feel your pain!

Hugs

daddys princess <3
by: daddys princess

my dad had natural death in 2010.... this year in november it going to be 3years :( i cry everynight i miss him so much i wish he was here wid me :( i jus cant twk to anyone abt this i feel so scared :(

I miss my Daddy and my soul mate
by: Shoosh

@ Princess

Your story just broke my heart! Especially how your father rushed to the bathroom when u told him what the doctors said :( He really was a great person and a true fighter.. May his soul rest in peace.

I am going through the exact same pain. My father passed away on 29 October of this year (52 days ago) from cancer. He was the love of my life and he has been suffering and battling with the illness for two years and he also never ever complained even during his most painful and horrible times. He was such a life loving person.. he was smiling till the end. The only time I did not see him smile is in his last 10 days before he died when he was in the ICU with a ventilator on as he could not breath on his own anymore. He kept asking us what is going on and why he is still in the ICU and was constantly begging us to get him out of there. He could not talk because of the oxygen mask which was hurting him soo much all the time, so he was writing us notes begging us to get him out. I felt soo helpless then and I keep getting flashbacks of him in that cold gloomy ICU room. The day before he died he was begging me to come into the room to hold my hand and feel a little bit safe but hospital rules were that no one was allowed into the ICU room itself. We spent the last 10 days just watching him from a glass door and telling him that he will be ok and that everything is fine and that its a matter of a few days and he will be out. He did indeed get out but sadly not back home and not into our arms but to another place which I know nothing about. I miss him, miss his laugh, his love, his loving soul and every little thing about him.

Princess you are right, not only is it the pain of losing the most precious person in our lives, but the pain of seeing my mom suffer as well and how much she is missing her life partner of 43 years. I am lost, torn and completely sad and just ask God to give us all the strength to move on and hopefully meet our dads in a much better place one day.

May our loved ones' souls rest in peace forever....

Your pain is shared
by: Anonymous

Princess,

You have come to the right place to share your pain. I have visions still to the day I found my twin brother. I ask God to help remove the visions and it is removed immediately. I am not a spiritual person, but ask God for your pain to be relieved. Remember as you say Your father is in heaven and feels no more pain, or sorrow, or sickness. It is the ones left behind that feel this. My prayers and thoughts are with you, and take your time on grieving don't rush the process. I hear people tell me in time, but I feel I will always feel sad on my lost. That is ok, cause I do and miss my brother terrible, but I was reminded by a family member of mine, that my brother would not want this of me. My brother would want me to rejoice in his peace being with God in heaven, that be said to me does relieve some of the pain, not all but some is better then none. Again God Bless and remember you dad is in heaven and his pain is no more. I will keep your sorrow and pain in my prayers. God Bless

i lost my mum recently
by: helen

I share your pain my mum was very ill for 3 years and passed away in august my pain is not getting easier I am crying more each day people survive and we will too Im sure ... i just long for the day I get my hug again xxx then i'll feel safe

Praying
by: Anonymous

Hello Dear,
Grandmother in Kansas reading this. I lost my son in April, so close to when your father passed. Stay close to God, live the life that would make your daddy proud. He must have been a very good man to have such love from his daughter.
I will be praying for you !!
God Bless, Gr. Susie

I miss my Daddy
by: Novi

I'm sorry that your father died in this awful way! It must have been so difficult to see him ill for such a long time. My father died from a terrible disease years ago and I know
that people like to say that it gets 'better', but I don't think that's the right word. It never gets better, it just becomes easier to live with.
I think this guilt you feel - when you told him the truth about the lack of bowel movement - is a natural reaction because with the loss of a loved one almost always comes regret. I honestly believe he must have been at least a little aware that he was in his last hours and had you lied he would have probably known. I hope that you find the strength to relieve yourself of this guilt.
I felt compelled to respond to your post because of your honesty. As a caregiver myself I feel that someone shares the understanding of what I am going through. My mother is terminally ill with renal cell cancer. Your words: "when someone you love has cancer you realize their isn't much left in their life that is "secret" because when the end is near your loved one needs help doing everything", sums up my emotions and frustrations exactly. I suppose until you live through it you can't understand...
Everyone grieves differently, so please don't let anyone put a date on when this should get 'better' for you. Take your time, shed the tears, remember the good times and don't forget this site when you feel weak!

Take care,

~ Novi

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I miss my Daddy