I miss my daddy
by Sarah E
My husband and I just moved back from South Carolina to Pennsylvania. We wanted to be closer to family and missed them. It hasn't been a week since we got home. I talked to my Dad the whole way home and he helped us move in the day we arrived. The next day he helped move our stuff into storage and took us to eat, then the next day he was going to fix the breaks on my car. I saw him everyday I was back and then he died of a drug overdose the day after. We all knew he was doing heroin but he wouldn't get help. We've pleaded with him to go to rehab or classes, even a methadone clinic and talked to him about how much we don't want to see him like this.
He may have made mistakes like this but he was still my father and I loved him dearly. He had an illness that we couldn't fix and I find myself blaming everything. If I moved in with him like he asked maybe he would still be here. If I called him that night maybe he wouldn't have done it. I keep questioning the "what if". He was a funny, extremely intelligent, healthy person aside from his addiction. It hasn't been 3 days since he passed and I am just in complete shock. I look at his photos and tear up, I realize I will never be able to call him or visit him. I won't be able to talk football with him or go out to eat. I won't get warm hugs from him anymore or smell his scent. I miss him more then anything and my heart and head feel like they are being ripped from my chest. If this is what it's like to lose someone how am I going to go through the deaths of my grandparents, mothers, siblings and husband? I feel life is cruel and this pain is something no one should endure.
Sadly, my sister and I's birthday's are next week and it's going to be the toughest thing to get through. I can't imagine his birthday, Christmas, Easter, or the 4th of July. I would never want to kill myself but honestly, what's the point of living if you're going to lose everyone you love and feel this kind of pain? I just don't know what to do with my life anymore. Moving home and not seeing my dad, to seeing him for the whole week, to him dying and then my birthday next week. How do I deal with it all?