I miss my friend
Christmas 2009 ~ My Best Friend ~
I miss my friend, my soul mate and the love of my life. I miss the touch, the kisses and just a touch of noses.
My hearts aches more that I can bare at times now, almost at the 1 year mark, why? The tears pulling me into the blackness of lost, despair and pain no heart should have to endure. I know now this coming of almost 1 year is the demon that's scorching my heart.
I feel like its day one and I'm being pushed back, back into the heartache that threatens to rip my soul apart.
The pain and sorrow come late in the night. Times when I can't escape and forever threatens to drown me in tears and pain. How do I survive, how do I go on? Questions always asked but never answered.
During the day, I'm normal (as normal as the world would like to see) but at night. When I'm alone the memories take me back to day, ones that feeling like there killing me. How can I handle the pain, this loneliness and broken parts of my life. There are times I just don't know how to cope with this dark part of my life.
I do the day to day stuff, have friends, go to BBQ's and they see me as one of them. They don't see the pain I carry each day, the shadows that engulf my heart taking my life leaving an empty hole. The other day I noticed driving down the road I feel uncomfortable. Wrong place, different time but I'm where I should be. Nothing feels normal or in anyway the same. I'm outside of the world and yet I can't go back to the world I was in. A person in another time and place, another space... To be removed would bring peace but its not what this time is to be... So I wander through my life, walking a road of uncertain. Where do I go, what am I to do. No body understands and I don't want to explain anymore. My Elvis is gone and I miss him more that my heart can bare.
Tonight I will go to bed as before, want, missing and hoping to see Billy in my dreams once more. Me alone in my bed, arms forever reaching for something that's gone and can never have ~ so until I return to rest with my love once more ~
1 step, 1 breath at a time