I miss my Grandad :-(

by Ange

I was almost 8 when my beloved grandad died suddenly. I found out some years later he had a cardiac arrest as he was finishing work on the 10th April 1980. At the time My mother opted not to tell us children and thought it better to ship us off to friends so she could deal with her fathers death and my 3 month old baby sister.

I remember waiting week after week on Sunday morning for grandad to pull up our driveway with a box of pebbles and a cream filled donut to share with us kids, just as he always did. Eventually I stopped waiting for him to come over; I thought it was because he and my mum had an argument and they were angry with each other; or just didn't love me anymore since I had called him an old goat when I was angry ... even though he laughed at the time.

I don't remember exactly how old I was when I found out my grandad had died, I know I was well into my teenage years. I only found out because my cousins were talking about his funeral - I was crushed, I was angry and I was hurt that I never got to say good-bye to my grandad.

My mother's decision still affects our relationship, I'm still hurt by it and I am not sure I can ever completely forgive her for robbing me and my siblings from saying goodbye to our much loved grandad & I have told her so in very recent years.

Grandad has been gone for 34 years now and I still miss him just as acutely today as I did then (I am actually crying as I type this). I wish I could have just one more box of pebbles with him, to listen to him talk in his thick scottish accent, to hear his laugh and to have one last cuddle ... I miss you Grandad, you old goat.

Tir nan og.

Comments for I miss my Grandad :-(

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Jun 18, 2014
I miss my Grandad :-(
by: Doreen UK

Ange, Who knows why parents make the decisions they do. This happened 34yrs. ago and your mother can't change the decision she made. Unfortunately this is what happened in those days gone by. Children were protected from death and funerals and anything to do with this area. I understand this as I was in that era also. Your mother may have been treated the same way, so she thought this was the right way to do things. It has affected your relationship and still doing so. IS IT WORTH IT. Reminding your mother of her failings does nothing to heal how you feel. You could go and see a counsellor to tease out anything more or to just understand the family dynamics and why it is still affecting you now. I have done this work and understand this area and how it can hold us back from continuing and meaningful relationships. You will lose your mother one day. It is worth trying to resolve as best as you can your issues and try to move forward otherwise the loss of your mother will make you worse and cause you GUILT over why you couldn't FORGIVE her for the decisions she made. Believe me I have been in this place. Found forgiveness hard but Counselling changed this. You owe it to yourself to resolve your past. It is possible. I DID IT.

Jun 17, 2014
miss your GrandDad
by: Anonymous--MI

I am truly sorry that you have had such a sad time in missing your GrandDad and not being told about his death. We all make mistakes and many times our actions cause others much pain. Your Mother not telling you about your GrandDad's death was a mistake but try to forgive her; perhaps she was so overcome with grief that she could not think clearly. God took your grandfather away as it was his time to leave this earth. I hope that you are able to cling to the fond memories that you have and feel the love that you and he had for each other to give you peace in your heart. Look to God for help in forgiving your Mom; it only hurts you more to hold on to this anger. Love the Lord, serve Him and live for Him. One day, you will see your dear GrandDad again.

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