I miss my husband

by Sudha
(India)

I lost my husband named Hari, just 23 days back on 28th feb,2012. This is the horrible month which i never wanted to have in my entire life becoz previously i haven loosen my dad in the same month. My husband is only 32 years old and unfortunately due to pancreatic s he was dead. But I strongly feel like he is with me, even now. I regularly speak to him for every hour by watching his snap. To be frank am literally missing him and the life with him.

From the day i lost my husband i hated god for taking away my husband. I dont find now the difference between God and Devil. So i hate god the most , he ruined my entire life without any reason. I never tried to blame anyone but today am in a state of blaming god. Why he separated my husband from me.My husband is so sweet and he never tried to harm any one and i no everything about him totally as ours is love marriage. We dont even have kids to live for them.
All the time i am trying for the sources by which i can speak to my husband but am not confident about the sources. Sometimes am even getting angry on my dead spouse for leaving me alone. Am trying to die but everyone were saying that i cant reach my husband after my death. Its even more painful. God is so clever and he didnt even left me a single chance to know about my husband where abouts. I literally hate god for doing this sin to me and i want to straight away question him at my first talk when he comes face to face.
I dont no what to do. All the doors are closed and am in dark and i became totally helpless without my hubby. I am just feeling like my husband left me alone in the mid way in the sea , even though he knows that i dont no how to swim.
To even share my feelings to others through a letter it so painful......
i love u so much ra. U r my sweetest friend and husband. I can never have a person like you through out my life.

Comments for I miss my husband

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Sep 02, 2014
Losing Everything
by: Jackie

I lost the love of my life in July 2013 . I was 38 years old . We were together for 18 years . It was unexpected . I at the time was caring for my grandmother with Alzheimer's for 3 1/2 years . I was my happiest in my life at that time . Then on that Monday morning in July my whole life changed forever . Then in late October my grandmother goes in a nursing home . They were my daily life and I love them so much that today it is so difficult . I feel like God just got my life and just threw it away . My family knows I hate living but will never hurt myself . The pain hurts so much that I have been living in the vehicle for almost a year . I know him watching on the other side is concerned about my safety but I do not care . We were suppose to grow old together . I just cannot wait to be with him again .

Aug 24, 2014
Recent widow
by: Anonymous

Does this get any easier? It's only been three week since my husband passed and it is killing me...

May 08, 2014
God Cares About Your Loss
by: Gloria

Dear Friend,

I feel so much for your loss. I know that it is a horrible experience because I have had that experience 3 1/2 ago. So I can relate to the pain and suffering your going through.

It was never God's intention to take our loved ones. He wept when Mary and Martha told Him that their brother Lazarus was dead.

Let me assure you that He will comfort you in your hour of pain, isolation and loneliness. He is near. I know, because when I was going to die after my dear beloved Marc suddenly died, I almost went with him and Jesus rescued me.

Just call out to Him. He understands your pain and isolation and He will make His presence real.

Allow Him to comfort you. I know He did with me and still to this day He has not left me. He loves you and understands.

God bless and comfort you.

May 06, 2014
Anger is normal
by: Anonymous

I know everyone wants to comfort those in pain. However, anger is a normal part of the grieving process. I'm angry at god. My husband, only 39 years old, died unexpectedly and left me and my three children alone. Right now I am really angry!!! And that's ok. I need to be angry at someone, and he can handle it. I miss my husband. It's been five months, and I finally feel I am coming out of a fog. I miss my love very much, and can't imagine having to get through my life without him. Yes, I know I am strong, and I'm getting up, going to work, getting my children through this. But the truth is I DON"T WANT TO DO THUS ALONE!! I now feel that I will be happy again one day...even if that is a long ways away. It's the return of the feeling of hope that has gotten me to feel a little better. I had twenty wonderful years with a beautiful human being. I will never forget, but I need to live. Being angry gives me strength. So if you have to be angry at god, go ahead!! Don't let people tell you how you should grieve.

Mar 11, 2014
Please take care!
by: Annapolis

Hi,

I came to this website looking for some answers to a dramatic accident that occurred to my best friend, and husband that occurred last week. My husband has been the only person to truly see me for who I am, and love me through all the ups and downs in life. I saw some hope on this website, but a lot of negativity as well.

I am not as concerned about what you do, or do not believe about God. Our beliefs are subjective, and tend to work for what is best for our beliefs, and what can give us the most comfort. I am highly concerned about how I keep hearing "I can no longer live", or that I no longer believe. One thing I can truly say is that, our loved ones that have passed on, do not want us to give up, Ever!

I once asked, " when I die, will I be reunited with the man I love?" I was told, heaven doesn't work that way." Not sure how to process that, so I try to make every day count. Some days better than others. Some days I fall way short, other days I hit it out of the ball park..

I hear so many of you giving up on yourself, and on your beliefs. Please do not do that. You have yourself, hopefully your family, and friends to live for. Sorrow runs deep, and strong, but family, love them or hate them, are forever.

My husband will be okay, but with the loss of some limbs. My faith can wonder, but every night I still say a prayer. Everyday is a challenge. We have a child with a severe disability, and I am a diabetic since I have been 11, some thirty years. Some days are harder than than others, but we need to always think of others. We sometimes forget about those who will miss us when we are gone

Please don't give up.
Right now my life sucks. Do I sometimes feel like giving up hope? Sometimes yes, but then I get up each day to hear a bird singing.
"Even though you may not be able to see the bird singing, if you listen with your heart, you will always hear his song."

Please take care, always!


Feb 22, 2014
I miss my hubby
by: mamta

11th feb 2014 my life changed to as I lost my husband he died of pancreatic disease his other organ had failed too.he was in hospital for a week a day before he got hospitalized he told me that If anything goes wrong with him than I should get married. It was easy for him to say that I have 4 year baby girl.she keeps asking me about her father , she misses him a lot but I cant do anything I told her that when you grow big your papa shall come back.I feel like ending up my life but than what is my little girl fault in it.I don't know what to do! !!!!!!!!!

Feb 21, 2014
GOD IS STILL GOOD
by: Anonymous

I've lost my husband last April 29, 2012, 1 hour after we move to our new house. As per doctor, he was dead on arrival / cardiac arrest.He is only 39 years old at that time. No symptoms that he has a heart problem. I was shocked but God comforted me that time. It was so painful because we love each other so much. There were times that I almost give up. But God told me that I need to be strong because He has a plan for me and for my children. God told me that my husband has already finished his race in this world. He has already accomplished his mission in this World. If God will let my husband live in this world, maybe he will commit sins that are not pleasing to God and not good for our family. All of us that lost our love ones, let us think the positive side even it is so painful. God knows everything, He knows the best for all of us. Sometimes we can't understand and it's hard to understand. All we need is to trust God and ask wisdom for us to know His will. God is a loving God. We still need to praise him in times of sadness and sufferings. His words are true. God bless everyone!!!

Nov 30, 2013
God cares
by: Anonymous

Dear Sudha,

I can imagine how hard it is to have lost someone that you have cared so much about. A year earlier I lost my beloved husband and I thought I was not going to survive his death. Do not feel that you cannot share your feelings with God. He knows how you feel and He loves and cares for you. It was not in His plan to have humans die, but because man believed a lie from satan all men are appointed once to die but that is not the end. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." Turn to Him and may the God of peace comfort you in your time of grief and suffering.


Nov 28, 2013
miss my husband, my daniel
by: rebecca

My husband passed away on 9/3/2013. me and my boys, age 8 & 5 miss him a lot. i am in the middle of the sea. He passed away due to lymphoma cancer. he was going through the treatment very well. all went wrong beginning of this year. I HAVE STOPPED PRAYING! SO MANY PRAYERS AND PROHECIES BUT WHY NOTHING HAS HAPPEN! EVERYTHING WAS ALL JUST AN EMPTY PROMISES GIVEN TO ME BY GOD !!!!!! I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO WITHOUT MY HERO!!!!!!

Oct 20, 2013
To Everyone
by: Lisa

I know what you feel, exactly, if not more; I lost my husband of 44 years to pancreatic neuroendocrine cancer; and when he took his last breath, a part of me went with him; and he deserves to be in Heaven. He only went with a struggle to stay alive; he was in our bed, I beside him, and only the hospice nurse who had advised me that she thought it was time and he was going....Only until after I gave him "Permission" to go, I said to him in his right ear: I'll be OK, go to God, to the light to Mom & Dad (my parents whom he was so good to), and after that, he took his last breath. I could not believe it, but he suffered since his diagnosis--they told him he had 2 weeks to live, but he lived 10 months, however, with morphine, nausea meds, all kinds of chemical stuff, not to mention the lousy chemotherapy that did nothing; and I don't even know why he got it. When he was diagnosed, it was already in his liver; then in his duodenum, etc., wrapped around his smv and portal veins, no surgery could be done. He couldn't eat, only slept because the morphine helped him. Today, I for the first time let go of 2 of his favorite things: his ride-on mower and his snow thrower. He worked his entire life, for what? He had dreams for us, but they never came. I hate life, I exist, I am sick in my digestive tract, nervous, anxious, alone most of the time, and angry that he is gone. It wasn't supposed to be. I hate life, and I hope I die soon; I am trying to figure out how I can die, but will God let me be with Him and with my husband and parents? Will He forgive me?
I just can't go on. I can't see myself leaving this house that he worked so hard to get and worked on to keep beautiful. He did not deserve to die, and neither did your husbands and wives.
God help me, help us all.

Oct 09, 2013
Missing My Husband
by: Kathy

My husband passed July 27,2013.He had cancer,and died in hospice .We were married 43 years.I am having a hard time doing anything..Hard to go back to work, Hard to sleep, hard to concentrate,or function at all.All I can think of is the way he suffered ,and seeing him again..I dream about him every night that passes.I do thank God I had him all those years..But I still miss him every time I breathe.

Jul 28, 2013
So Sad
by: Cat

I never knew I could be so sad. My husband died a bit over two months ago, and I thought I was okay. But at about the two month mark the empty house hit me like a brick or a tornado or some other overwhelming force. I am struggling to get through each day and keep a face on for my grown step-children( whom I love as my own) to get them through this. I smile with my sisters so they don't worry. I pretend at work that all is well. I am not mad at God for taking my husband, nor am I mad at Bill for dying. His body gave out. I am overwhelmed at getting everything done and ordering a gravestone. I worry about the heater and the snow tires and all those things I have not had to think about.....I am so afraid that the pain I feel physically at being separated from him will go away. And yet, I want to go on and live with joy to prove to him that I am okay and I can celebrate his love by living fully. I just don't know how to do it.

Jun 23, 2013
My dearest husband Chris
by: Pauline

Chris and I were married 31 yrs, together for 32. We fell in love very quickly and both of us felt as though we were made for each other. He killed himself at home because of stress at work. His place of work wanted younger men and wanted rid of the older ones. My heart is broken and I will love him forever. Today I went to church to talk to God and help me deal with his death, because bereavement counselling didn't answer all the questions I needed answering. I will always be asking why, why, why did he leave me, but will just have to accept that he felt it was time for him to go. I felt he'd deserted me, when I tried so hard to help him, but he was not in a good state of mind and I have to accept that fact.

Jun 05, 2013
Miss my dearest David
by: Anonymous

My husband of 30 years died April 18,2013. He was fighting lung cancer and went into the hospital for a pain pump. He was supposed to come home but something went terribly wrong and his body began shutting down. I couldn't believe it when he took his last breathe...we thought we had more time together.The pain of missing him is unbearable. He was a wonderful husband, dad,and grandaddy. My heart is broken and every day is hard, every day I cry. I can't believe this is what my life is now.I long to feel my hand in his, to feel his big bear hugs, to see his beautiful smiling eyes. He was my best friend, my love, my rock. We talked of growing old together and now I will grow old alone. I feel so alone without my dearest David.

May 17, 2013
I miss my husband
by: Anonymous

My husband died on March 2013. We never had a chance to celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. He was diagnosed with brain tumor last february and died 2 weeks later. It hurts, i feel like half of me is dead. We have a son and he's just 8 months old, I feel sorry for him for not having a chance to be with his dad. I miss my husband. He was sweet and loved me very much. He is my life, my bestfriend, my love, my soulmate. We had faced many difficult problems together. we had each other then. Now he is gone and it's the most difficult thing for me.

Apr 06, 2013
I miss my husband too - and sorry to all.
by: Rina

My husband died 2 yrs. ago suddenly, tragically, traumatically. Went to work and did not come home. He was diabetic. Missing for a week and found drowned. I am so lonely for him. All I do is cry and beg for him to come home. But I don't blame God. I am mad he was taken, but God sees the outcome of things and maybe he would have suffered even more with his illness. But I cannot get past the horrible death. Being missing for a week and found drowned. I know he was under a lot of stres at work and I was mad at him for not speaking up at work, so I was being cold to him. Now I am suffering so much guilt. I wanted him to speak up at work. All that stress is not good for diabetes so brittle as he was. Maybe the pump failed. Who knows. I am sorrowful every moment of my life. I don't know what to do anymore. I am sorry for all who lost people they love. Please accept my sincere sympathy to all.

Apr 05, 2013
I miss my husband too
by: Gloria

Losing my spouse was one of the most painful things that I have ever experienced in my life. My mother had just died five months prior and I had not finished grieving for her when months later my husband died. He died on January 5, 2011. He was my confidant, friend, lover, family, etc. I asked God, "don't you love me?" and found that indeed he does. Through my very painful tears, God gave me a peace that I cannot explain. He certainly does love us. We may not understand everything about why our loved ones died, but we know that we are all going to die one day. It was our spouses time to die. I would encourage you to bring your broken heart to God as I did. He is the only one that truly understands our sorrow and can heal us. God's peace be with you.

Mar 03, 2013
I am sorry
by: Anonymous

I am sorry not because I lost my husband because he is here. I lost my mom last summer 7/2/12 from pancreatic cancer 4 weeks after dx. She lived down the street and was there when needed for my 3 children . I miss my husband because I shut down, I don't want him to touch me or hold me.... I want him but don't know how to any more....

Mar 03, 2013
I remember his eyes....
by: Dena-Fresno CA

I lost my beloved husband Zoltan on March 27, 2012 from a massive heart attack, which he had at the gym. Yes, we joined to get fit, to live longer for each other and he passes away at the gym. I miss him every moment of every day. He was my soul mate and my best friend. He was only able to see our daughters grow to the ages of 13 & 17, but I know he is with us each and every day. I have read many of the posts dated earlier than mine and many of them have brought me to tears and have made me sad. While I miss him and will always love my husband, I do not want to die now because he has left me earlier than planned. We believe that God put us on earth to learn lessons, sometimes we are called home early due to various reasons. Some are from illnesses and others are from accidents. While others, I feel, are taken in worse ways, such as from a violent crime. The body is vessel which carries the soul. Once the body is injured beyond repair, the soul is called home. This is our belief and my heart is heavy that my husband is gone. I am happy though, because I know he was a good, kind, and honest man and that he is now with the lord. Please remember, we were all single before we met our husbands, we were all able to survive by ourselves then. You must find the strength to dig deep inside and find yourself again. Find the person your husband fell in love with, the one he relied on and the one he knew in a time of great disaster could be able to continue on without him. You must look at your life as book that still has many chapters to be finished. Your single years were your “first chapter” and your married years are your “second chapter”. Your book is not finished yet, I know mine is not. I get up every day and say “Here I go again my love….wish me luck” and I go. You must do the same. Please have faith, trust in our maker, he goes by many names, but we all worship “one creator”. I plan on ending my final chapter with a big bang. I look forward to seeing my husband’s eyes again, holding his hand and spending eternity together.

Feb 22, 2013
I want to die at the earliest after my husband
by: sathidevi

My husband committed suicide on 9-1-2012,because of acute depression.In fact he was suffering from bi polar mood disorder.Now I feel guilty of not doing enough for him.It was out of ignorance I could not not do more.He used to love me a lot but lately started harassing me a lot .He had promised me that we will die together.I am unable to move on.I want to meet him where ever he is.

Jan 04, 2013
Mrs jdt
by: Anonymous

After reading about your grief I felt as if that had been written by me, I know exactly how you are feeling - my husband fought and fought to stay with us - why is it that this planet has the technology to put a rocket on the moon but cannot cure cancer.

Jan 03, 2013
loss
by: Mrsjdt

I understand and share your pain. On March 14, 2012 I lost the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend of 52 years. Our love was love at first sight, mere kids at 13 & 15. We grew up together, sharing our strengths and working on our weaknesses, raising our children (and 3 grandchildren as the need arose). He fought an amazing battle with esophageal cancer for 2 years, I stood beside him, but he was much stronger than I. We did everything we were supposed to do, we married, we struggled, we never violated our vows, we worked hard all our lives, we helped ourselves! We loved each other always (not that we always liked each other)! My faith has wavered, I want to know why? I want to disappear into nothingness, which is what I am without him. I often don't want to live; not die, just faint pulse, shallow breathes, Oblivion. Then I won't know what I'm missing.

Dec 20, 2012
Numb gets you through but not over
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband in Jan 2005. I have made myself forget the exact date and time he slipped away, but how my hand felt trying to curl into his cold hand is as vivid as if it happened five minutes ago. I think most people assume I have moved on and am fine, but I am not. I am mostly just numb. I am engaged to a very kind man but I do not love him, and I never will like a wife should. Every day varies from numb to panicked, not knowing what to do with the rest of my life. Sometimes it feels like torture when this man tries to kiss me. It is not his fault, but he is just never going to be a soulmate. Sometimes I feel like I am on autopilot, coasting until the day I can just be with my husband again. I know that is both irrational and probably a sin, but it is honestly how I feel. If it were not for my son, I do not know how I would have made it through the first minute, much less the last eight years. But I did. So there must be a purpose to that, and I derive what comfort or strength I have from that idea. I hope I get strong enough to do the right thing and not marry this poor man. It isn't that I don't deserve a great guy, but he deserves better than what I can give. Good luck to you.

Nov 05, 2012
Sorry for your loss
by: Anonymous

He Sudha. Sorry for your loss . I also lost my husband of 37 years old in July 2012 due to AML(M2. You know we didn't got the time to spend or discuss the things. He was diagnosed in June and died in July. with in 5 weeks.
we had a daughter of 11 years. I also wanted to die. I have a guilt that i killed my hubi by not shifting him in proper hospital at time. I curse god every time. I don't know haw to live without him.

Oct 20, 2012
i feel your pain
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel I just laid my husband to rest. Its been the number one most hardest things iv ever been through.standing on gods word is what got me through.I prayed. Iv never been so strong and my body feel so weak. Most of all father god give my husband the strength. To know what lies ahead. Let it be your will,we thank you oh lord & give you all the glory.I praise you oh lord. In Jesus mighty name. Amen. Keep your faith let there be know strife.

Oct 19, 2012
It is too overbearing missing my husband
by: Elisa

I will never stop missing my husband. He never wanted to leave me, he fought so much to stay alive even though he had such a lethal cancer: neuroendocrine pancreatic cancer with spread to liver, duodenum, spleen, portal vein.

We were married 43 years, together 46 years. He made it through Viet nam; but not this.

He did everything: worked very hard his entire life, never got to retire because he became sick, and lasted for only 10 months fighting this. I feel guilty even though I never left his side, nurtured him, called so many specialists, researched what else I could do, took him to chemo, lab tests, hospitals, surgeons, to no avail.

His death was a difficult one--he kept holding for me; since the day he was diagnosed he kept telling people, "What about my wife, Elisa? I am afraid to leave her alone."

After he exerted all his energy on the night he died, to try to stay alive, and after I knew I had to tell him to let go, I said to him, "Babe, go to God, go to Mom & Dad (my parents who were like his own), go to the light; I will be OK (he knew that not to be true, but he took his last breath, gave up, and went, hopefully to Heaven, God, my Parents, and to no pain and peace.

Not one day goes by that I don't cry, get so shakey, scared, nervous, depressed, and unable to function without him. I do not know how much longer I can go on without him. I am lonely for him in our beautiful house he made so wonderful for us. Where is he, I keep asking?

I want him to come home. Sometimes, I wait for him to walk through the door to my open arms.

I don't want to go on without him.


Sep 21, 2012
comment
by: Anonymous

Let me start by saying I am sorry for all your pain and suffering here about your dear husband. I am assuming by the tone of your letter that you are going through the healing process now and this does bring out some things that you never knew you had inside you. You miss your husband and the life you had with him greatly. And you will continue to miss him until as time passes, you will see the raw wound will heal over. You will never forget him but you will cherish the life you had with him and the good memories. And remember, there are only good memories here and in the hereafter. No one who passes on remembers any bad things or strife. It is only peace and love in the beyond. And this is what your loved one wishes for you. Talk to him; he is very near to you and sometimes when you are feeling most lonely he is closest to you. I speak from experience. Lost my husband 18 yrs ago. May only peace and strength and love be yours in the future. Much Love

Sep 16, 2012
Pray to God
by: Anonymous

I have the same feeling. Now I'm praying everyday and hope God tells me why this happen to me and what can I do next. I lost my husband six months ago who caught in accident. I still can't believe that my husband is leaving me.

Sep 09, 2012
Lost the love of my life 10th February 2012
by: Anonymous

I have read and understand how you feel. My husband fought and fought so much to stay alive for me and our two daughters. The treatment he went through was awful and didn't help in the slightest. Last September 2011 we were all in Cambridge, smiling, having a good time, our younger daughter took photographs of me and my husband with his arm around me, he looked so happy. Then one operation and lots of different types of chemotherapy and five months later he is gone. I miss him so so much, the pain is so bad it is physically hurts. Yes he told me to be strong but after spending over 35 years together it is very difficult.

Jun 05, 2012
NEVER GIVE GOD THE BLAME!!!!
by: Anonymous

God is never the sourse of our trouble, he has the power to undo things in his own time and yes HE WILL UNDO THIS BAD THINGS GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD IN HIS OWN DUE TIME!!! Please if you have a bible read James 1:13-15.

May 14, 2012
feel him
by: Anonymous

i too lost my dear husband just three months back.He had a cadiac arrest .iam missing him like crazy.Just for the sake my daughters who are young im living. Feel your husband he wont go anywhere.heis just a thought away from you and will wait for you in spirit world.as i believe life continous after death.

Mar 24, 2012
take courage ur husband is with god
by: CATHY

I know right now it is very difficult for u life without your loving husband, i lost my loving son he was only 21 due to the same sickness without any notice within a day, it is just terrible anyway gods ways are different from ours , god knows the future we do not, maybe he would have suffered a lot if he had lived would you have been able to see your love suffering, forgive your husband and forgive god, only then you will have a little bit of comfort to carry on, and you have to life does not end here, god knows what he has in store for u, it seems that god takes only the best so i guess your husband was one of the best. take care.

Mar 23, 2012
I'm sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 10 days ago (he collapsed and died right in front of me at age 37yrs). I feel your pain. I know it hurts but I agree with Noreen. Hating God is not the answer: reaching out to Him is the SOLUTION. He will guide you second by second. I miss my husband so much. I still cannot believe he is gone but I know He loved God and is in heaven. My job with God's help is to make sure my daugher and I meet him there some time in the future when God allows.

Mar 22, 2012
But there really is a God.
by: Noreen

I am so sorry for your loss. I know you don't feel like God loves you right now - but He really does. Do me a favor. Try with all your heart to get on your knees and pray for Jesus to prove to you that He really exists. I can't tell you why all this is happening - but I can tell you that there is a reason. Jesus is the living son of the living God. His Spirit has been left with us to confort and help us get to heaven. On Feb. 2nd I lost someone very close to me. I can't believe that God would take her away from me - but I do believe that God knows best. His ways are not our ways and sometimes we just are not meant to understand. But I do know that I will see my sweet Emmy when I go home to heaven and if you learn to believe that there is a God who loves you - you will go to heaven too and see and be with your husband again.
May God put his loving arms around you and give you peace.
Regards,
Noreen - Leaning on my Jesus.

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