I miss my mom every day and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday
I will never forget how I felt when they did a biopsy on her brain on January 2nd, 2014. We found out she had CNS Lymphoma. It was in her brain; she had an inoperable brain tumor. She was 80, so the doctor thought radiation would be too harsh. She ended up doing chemotherapy and a drug called temodal. It seemed to work but after 8 weeks she seemed to backslide. I will never forget Mother's day, we had a great meal and everyone was over to my parent's house and we noticed she had been leaning to one side and my boyfriend kept propping her up so she wouldn't fall off her chair. I knew something was wrong, and she was very off balanced when she walked. My dad called as I was on my way home from their house and I missed his call. When I called back my mom grabbed the phone, and she fell as she was talking to me. I rushed over there and she was lying on the floor. She broke her hip, and she went to the hospital for surgery. That was the beginning of the end for her. She went into a rehab/nursing home. She had a stroke either on Mother's day or before and that explained the leaning, but we didn't know that happened. She was in the nursing home for 7 weeks, couldn't walk and couldn't get treatment for her cancer. She got a little worse every day we visited her. We were all there when she passed...my sister, me, my dad, my boyfriend, and my brother in law. To watch her die right in front of us is something I will never forget. I just wanted to grab her and say "God please let my mom stop suffering, but I don't want her to go." She passed on June 28, 2014. Sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of missing her and I burst out crying. It is awful. I wasn't close with my mom until after I had my daughter. My daughter was the love of her life. My mom was like a 2nd mom to her. My daughter took her passing very hard. I wish I could see her again, laugh with her, call her and hear her voice. I wish I could tell her all the things I never got to when she was alive like how much I appreciated her and especially taking such great care of my daughter.
I remember waking up at 2am and going to the nursing home the day she passed. I just had a feeling she was going to die that day, and I remember being scared. I said out loud "I'm going to lose my mom today. How am I going to go on without her." I do go on, but it's difficult at times. My heart goes out to anyone who lost their mom, and I was so blessed to have her in my life for 48 years.