I miss my mom every day and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday

by Debbie
(Albany, NY)

I will never forget how I felt when they did a biopsy on her brain on January 2nd, 2014. We found out she had CNS Lymphoma. It was in her brain; she had an inoperable brain tumor. She was 80, so the doctor thought radiation would be too harsh. She ended up doing chemotherapy and a drug called temodal. It seemed to work but after 8 weeks she seemed to backslide. I will never forget Mother's day, we had a great meal and everyone was over to my parent's house and we noticed she had been leaning to one side and my boyfriend kept propping her up so she wouldn't fall off her chair. I knew something was wrong, and she was very off balanced when she walked. My dad called as I was on my way home from their house and I missed his call. When I called back my mom grabbed the phone, and she fell as she was talking to me. I rushed over there and she was lying on the floor. She broke her hip, and she went to the hospital for surgery. That was the beginning of the end for her. She went into a rehab/nursing home. She had a stroke either on Mother's day or before and that explained the leaning, but we didn't know that happened. She was in the nursing home for 7 weeks, couldn't walk and couldn't get treatment for her cancer. She got a little worse every day we visited her. We were all there when she passed...my sister, me, my dad, my boyfriend, and my brother in law. To watch her die right in front of us is something I will never forget. I just wanted to grab her and say "God please let my mom stop suffering, but I don't want her to go." She passed on June 28, 2014. Sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of missing her and I burst out crying. It is awful. I wasn't close with my mom until after I had my daughter. My daughter was the love of her life. My mom was like a 2nd mom to her. My daughter took her passing very hard. I wish I could see her again, laugh with her, call her and hear her voice. I wish I could tell her all the things I never got to when she was alive like how much I appreciated her and especially taking such great care of my daughter.
I remember waking up at 2am and going to the nursing home the day she passed. I just had a feeling she was going to die that day, and I remember being scared. I said out loud "I'm going to lose my mom today. How am I going to go on without her." I do go on, but it's difficult at times. My heart goes out to anyone who lost their mom, and I was so blessed to have her in my life for 48 years.

Comments for I miss my mom every day and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday

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Sep 28, 2014
Hi Debbie, I need your help!
by: Jennie

Please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...
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Hi Judith from California, Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 19, 2014
Here one day, Gone the next!
by: Anonymous

I always thought My mom would be older when she passed away. I was very wrong. As with many mother, daughter relationships you can sometimes butt heads when you're so alike, We had a great day shopping in town and hanging out together as we did all the time. Right before heading home we got into an argument.(We did this alot and would make up soon) I went Home. The next morning my dad knocked on my door at 8:30am to let me know he had found my mother dead on the bathroom floor. The only thing I could think is "oh my god I did not mean what I said and I can never tell her that".That was in May of 2011. My mom had a little chihuahua that she adored and so did I. After she passed I took her dog and felt as though I still had a piece of her with me. It made me feel better. I spoiled her more than my mother did If that was possible. She was 9 yrs when my mom died. I was holding her in my arms 3 days ago when she suddenly died. She was now 12 and a half yrs. She has become a child to me and a very close part of my family. I am not even over my mom's death yet and now this? I lost that small part of my mom I still had left and a very loved family member in that same moment. Please don't let this happen to you! Tell everyone you love them even if you have a fight with them. You may not get a second chance.

Sep 17, 2014
I miss my mom every day and it still hurts just like it happened yesterday
by: Doreen UK

Debbie you are a mom now so know how the relationship works. Mother's are such an important person in a child's life and this is on going forever till they die. Even when your child leaves the nest you don't sever connection with your mother. I always liken this to feeling as if the umbilical cord was never cut. It is at death that the cord is cut and this is why it is so very painful. We have this connection with our mother's that words cannot express.
You will have this relationship with your children and it will hurt as much when your children lose you.
I lost my mother 11yrs. ago and it took me 9yrs. before I could look at her picture. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago and nursed him during this time for 3yrs.39days. before he died. It is the most difficult experience to sit with the one you love and watch them die slowly and there is nothing you can do to stop this. You plead with God that he will save them from dying as I did. When you see them draw their last breath you just go numb with disbelief almost as if you are dreaming and going to wake up and find out this was a dream. Then REALITY sets in and you wonder how you will go each day without seeing them in your world and the interaction all gone. Then the loneliness and emptiness set in and you have difficult days to weeks to months for some time before you start to slowly heal from your loss.
It will take some time but you will heal and recover from your grief. I am sorry for your loss of your mom.

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