I MISS MY MOM
by Tina VanBuren
THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER
On January 1st of this year we were told that my mother had stage 3 cancer. The doctor could only give us weeks to months. We begged for a month and we got 3. The last week of my mother's life was spent in a hospital. My sisters biggest fear was that my mom would pass by herself, and I agreed. We were very close to our mother. We do thank God for those three months, but it still wasn't enough. So many things left unsaid.
The last 3 days of her life she was non responsive except when the pain would become unbearable. My sister and I never left her side. Did she know we were there??? I ask myself that question every day. When she was diagnosed, I couldn't stop crying, since she passed it comes in spurts. I mean, I keep feeling that I can pick up the phone and call her still, it just don't feel real to me at all! Then there are other times where it is tooo real, and I hurt more than I've ever hurt in my life.
Sometimes I want to be left alone, and sometimes I feel so lonely. When there's a crisis, or a funny thing that my kids or grandkids have done, I really want to call, and that's when I feel loneliest. God, I just miss her so much.
It's true what they say. My kids and friends think I should just get on with my life, and I just can't, it's been less than a month for heaven's sake. They just don't get it. I don't even talk about it half the time because I don't want to depress anyone else. It seems as if I don't have another tear to shed, then something, or nothing, will happen, and I'm crying again quietly in my room.
That's what I'm going through right now. Do you think she knows we were there in the end??? I surely hope so. It would mean alot to me.