I Miss My Mom(and Dad)

by Dominique Miller
(Chicago Illinois)

My mom died from a massive heart attack on November 21, 2012, two days after my 24th birthday. She was found dead inside our home on November 22, 2012. I was away at grad school. She was 46 years old. Even though it has been ten months, it is still hard for me. Part of me feels like I should be over it by now while another part of me feels like I can't get over it. I think that it is especially hard for me because I lost my father in December of 2007, also from a massive heart attack. He died during my freshman year of undergrad. He was 42 years old. I am an only child and at times I feel very lonely. It's hard for me to hear my friends and family talk about what their going to do with their moms while mine is no longer here. Last month I thought I was doing better. But now I feel like the depression has come back and I often feel jealous and angry at others who still have their moms and dads. I have even started to associate school with death, since both of my parents died while I was in school. Is it normal to still be grieving?

Comments for I Miss My Mom(and Dad)

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Dec 15, 2013
I lost my mom too
by: Sarah

I understand what you all are going through. I don't really know how one gets through this. It is so hard. My Mom died oct 2 after all of a sudden after finding out she had 2 weeks to live. We thought maybe we would have more time with her...she had uterine cancer. It was so hard to watch such a sweet , amazing person like her suffer. It was like there was nothing i could do. It is like watching someone you love drown. There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of her or want to call her, but i can't. One of the last things she told me was in everything give thanks. How can you be thankful for the death of a loved one? I try, but it is hard.

Oct 01, 2013
Same thing
by: Brittany

I totally understand your feelings. I lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 16 and my mom 2 weeks ago suddenly (we still don't know what happened but she was not sick). It is a unique situation to be an orphan at 28 - I've taken it one day at a time, but I know the worst grief is ahead of me.

Sep 06, 2013
To Sob & Doreen
by: Dominique

I want to thank you both for replying. It helps to have other people to talk to who understand what I'm feeling. I think that I don't really give myself permission to feel the negative emotions and I try to put a time limit on my grief. I going to try counseling. My school offers three free sessions, so I think that I may start there. I'm sorry for your losses and I thank you again for taking the time to talk to me about this. It really helps a lot!!!

Sep 05, 2013
Only child
by: Anonymous

Dear Dominique,
I am so sorry to hear about your parents. I am an only child also, and recently lost my father. He died suddenly from cardiac arrest-no illness, no warning, just gone. My whole world is shattered and feels "wrong". My mother lives nearby, but we were a very close family and until I got married and had children, it was just the three of us. I feel lost now, and no longer feel secure. I can't explain it... I guess I thought my parents would be around forever. I can only offer you comfort. You are not alone. The people that post here are truly wonderful and you will hopefully find strength in their supportive words. Take care, B.

Sep 05, 2013
I Miss My Mom(and Dad)
by: Sob

Dear Dominique,

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I too lost my mom a few days after my 24th birthday on 11th July 2012. She meant the world to me and we were as close as any mother and daughter could be. I know exactly how you must be feeling and that excruciating pain cannot be described in words. Nothing can prepare us for this loss. Life changes forever and that gap can never be filled. Each day is like a burden to me and I still cry myself to sleep.

It has been more difficult for you since you are the only child. Seek support from relatives or friends who are there to listen. Visiting a counsellor might help too. Sometimes just letting out your feelings makes you feel a bit better, if not much.

In the end it all comes down to how we learn to live with this pain and loss. You will be reminded of your mom in many different ways. The memories will always remain. It is indeed very sad that new memories will never be made but this is the truth that we will have to live with. Live a life the way your mom wanted. Do things that would have made her happy, had she been here. This is how you can cherish her time here and make her proud of you. Take one day at a time. It won't be easy but this is a road that you will have to go down. Hopefully, with time and counselling, life would start holding more meaning for you and you will be able to make it worth living.

You will be in my prayers. Feel free to write back and share you feelings here.

Sep 04, 2013
I Miss My Mom (and Dad)
by: Doreen U.K.

Dominique I am sorry for your loss of Mom and Dad a while back that is still affecting your life. YES! It is possible to still be grieving. Grief has stages. Often a person can be stuck in the first stage which is "crying and searching" often one can be in denial through shock and disbelief and this slows down the grief process. then others can become numb. When you thaw out you feel as if you are going to fall apart. But you don't. I think this is God's way of giving us our grief in small doses so we can bear it. LOSING A LOVED ONE as significant as parents is a hard and painful grief to deal with. Worse for you because you are an ONLY CHILD. You don't have any sibling for support. If you have any relatives that you are close to, then seek support from them. You can also use the services of a grief counsellor who are trained to support one in this area of loss. You just need to make sure you get the right counsellor. Change if you have to. Loneliness is the worst aftermath of losing a loved one. Your parents were so young which is another reason to feel that they died too early. Life means that your parents rear you to take on your own life. You went to college to study. This is not a bad thing. The fact that both your parents died whilst you were in school studying does not mean anything but you were unlucky here. Don't attach any significance or association with death and school/studies. Life can be very cruel. You will feel cheated of time with your parents due to studying. You will have to grieve this loss. Not the loss of you studying because this was part of your normal life. No parent would expect their child to put their life on hold for them. This would be SELFISH. Take one step at a time and don't try to handle too much at one time. Do the counselling and when you emerge from this with some healing your world may change and you will feel better and be able to see more clearly how you move forward. Keep strong in yourself and you will get your life back and be able to make a life for yourself that will be happier.

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