I miss my Mommy

by Kelly
(Johannesburg, South Africa)

My dad and I shaved our heads in support of her

My dad and I shaved our heads in support of her

My beautiful Mommy lost her battle with cancer almost 3 weeks ago. We all believed she would be healed - she had colon cancer and had been having chemo for the better part of 5 years. She was my best friend. I spoke to her at least twice a day. Even though I moved out 4 years ago and have been married for 3 years, we still sent each other messages every night to say good night. "Nite Mommy, I love you to the moon"; "Nite Baby, I love you to Heaven and back"

My dad called me at 2:35pm on friday the 20th of July 2012 and told me to call a paramedic, mom isn't breathing. I called and rushed there to find her on the bedroom floor, my dad trying to resuscitate her. She didn't have her wig on, and her hair was about 2cm long. She had had chemo the day before. She normally slept all day the day afterwards. But she didn't wake up. She was 58 years old.

I don't know how to cope. I was her baby - much younger than my siblings. I am 25 years old and I feel like my world has fallen apart. We all believed it was getting better, that she would beat this and that it would all be over soon. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't prepared and I still feel like this can't be happening.

Why?

I love you to Heaven and back Mommy, I wish you were here.

Comments for I miss my Mommy

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Aug 15, 2012
I'm sorry
by: Laura

I lost my mother last Friday, August 10th. She'd been fighting colon cancer for two years. Her CEA numbers had dropped very low and she'd undergone surgery to get rid of one unresponsive tumor. She was doing great. She looked great, always more elegant than anyone else in the room. I was supposed to see her on Friday. She'd spent Thursday in the hospital and was told she was doing well. And then on Friday mornng she stopped breathing. I wasn't there. My brother tried to revive her, but she was gone. We thought we'd have time for goodbyes, for serious talk. That's supposed to be the only good thing about cancer. Time to say goodbye. I was going to write her eulogy and read it to her if things got bad. I wanted her to write a letter to my baby, who will never remember her. But she was doing well. She hadn't had a sniffle in two years.

I am devastated. She was my best friend, the only person who knew what I needed, who could make me feel better when things looked bleak. I guess I'll have to cultivate new friendships, find myself a better support system, but I'm not particularly outgoing. I feel lost. I just want to call her so much. Just one last time.

Aug 07, 2012
I miss my Mommy
by: Doreen U.K.

Kelly I am sorry for your loss of you Mommy to cancer. It is a dreadfull disease that destroys families and life.
I lost my husband to cancer 12 weeks ago and still can't believe that he isn't coming back home. We were married 44yrs. My husband worked with asbestos in his 20's and at 62yrs of age Steve developed a deadly cancer which was incurable, inoperable, and aggressive. I was my husbands caregiver for over 3 years. We prayed for a miracle of healing but it didn't happen. I was in DENIAL. Waiting for this miracle to the end and Steve slipped away as if he died suddenly. I wasn't prepared for this loss. Life is never the same after you lose someone special in your life. You will feel as if you can't go on in life. Grief is a very slow process. It feels as if it will last forever. All we can do is to remember and honour our loved one each day. It is painfull removing all the clothes, shoes, and items that are left and not needed now. My husband's cowboy boots are still sitting at the front door. His coats are still hanging up as if he is coming back. His car is still sitting in the garage. It feels as if life is unfolding in slow motion and this didn't really happen. I don't know how anyone can come back from such a profound loss.

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