I miss my Mother so very much

by Joyye
(Texas)

My Mother was my best friend, my strenght and I loved her
so much. It was 8 of us, I was next to the oldest. I always looked forward to doing nice thing for my Mom, ever since I was a kid. She was at my wedding, she was there when I had my first kid. When I moved from our home town, I always called my Mom, and I always drove, back and forth home to see my Mother. I just had to see her. I always gave her gifts, it did not have to be anything special, I just wanted to see the look in her face, and see her smile. Because to me, everyday was Mother's Day. My mom died this past October, she had heart failure. I feel so guilty because every night I was by her side, I left to go get breakfast, and they called me to tell me my Mother had died. God, I was so devistated, I was not there, I was not by her side to say goodby. I wanted to be there to tell her how great a Mother she was. I wanted to tell her thank you for being the greatest mom ever. Although, I have told her this so many times. I just wanted to be by her side when she went home to be with the Lord so she would not feel she was alone; but I was'nt and I feel so guilty, I cannot stop feeling this way, and I cannot stop crying. I want to not feel guilty.....
JS

Comments for I miss my Mother so very much

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Apr 16, 2014
You did More
by: Anonymous

I am very sorry for the loss of not only your Mother but your Best friend. while reading your post I thought of how rare it is to see such a strong relationship/friendship between a Mother and daughter. What a real blessed relationship the both of you shared. I am a grown Male blessed with wonderful Parents, wife and children. My father is a minister so I grew up seeing so many people go thru painful losses. As a young boy I would often go with my Dad when he would be called out to be with those about to lose or just lost a loved one. One thing that I always remember is hearing families talk about how their loved one would let go till their family was by their side. Before you Mother passed you were always by her side (even if it wasn't Physically). i have to believe the love you showed her when she was well made her feel like you were always with her. The love you showed, and all the times you gave her all those years let her know you were always with her. You did more than those that rarely ever take time to visit their Mom but rush in to be by their side when they pass (being with someone only physically doesn't hold a candle to being with someone with years of countless phone calls and visits to plant your love in their heart which is always with them).
May God Bless
Attalla Al

Apr 04, 2014
I miss my Mother so very much
by: Doreen UK

Johyye I am sorry for your loss of your mom. I know what you mean about not being present when your mom died. I sat beside my husband and thinking he was going to get a miracle healing from cancer and at the same time scared to even go to the bathroom in case he passed away. The guilt you feel is NORMAL. It won't last forever. It is somehow part of the grief. Even if you didn't get to tell your mom you loved her and to Thank her I am sure she knew it. I have 3 Adult Children and they don't tell me they love me but I KNOW IT by the things they do for me and give me, that mean more than words. Words can sometimes be mundane and become a ritual. Saying I love you less often has more meaning. The actions have to square up with the words. Often actions is all someone needs to support them. You will feel hurt for day and weeks but in time you will heal from your loss. Death hurts so much. It is so unbelievable what we go through in life that is full of pain and sorrow.

Apr 03, 2014
I get it
by: Anonymous

I totally get the guilt. I do. When my Dad died last summer, I wasn't there. Then one day I was in my room just crying and my 16-year-old son came in to talk to me. I was telling him how guilty I felt. And he said 'Mom, would you want me to feel guilty about anything if you died?'
I said 'of course not!'
Then he said 'do you think poppy would want you to feel guilty about not being there?'
I think about that often. Guilt is a part of grief. We all go through it and eventually you will come to terms with it, little by little. Eventually we will all find some kind of peace.

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