I miss my mum x

My mum died nearly 6 years ago at the age of 75. She went down hill slowly with old age from 65 with she had a bleed in the brain. Our family was not the closest and I did struggle with looking after her and the awful attitude of my family at this time but I do not regret a thing as I did try to help but I did used to get upset I do wish I was stronger and could have done more. I feel like I have lost all my strength to go through life, I am not strong anymore, I struggle to be happy my smile has gone. I am not this confident person anymore I am a shell of my former self, that happy person is no longer in me. I struggle to talk sometimes as I don't find anything funny anymore,. People think I am ok as I hide it well but I am just on a wheel waiting for my death day as I don't think anything will ever make me smile again.. I am not me, I don't know who I am now , just this older woman who is looking sadder every year. I am making changes in my life and I still carry on but I don't feel like it , there is no smile on my face while doing it.
Life is such a struggle without the person that you knew was always always there for you. Would invite you round for dinner sometimes or if you just needed to feel you needed to be with your mum . You did not know it at the time how very much you would miss everything about your mum, to the little and big things she did for you.
You now know of your mothers love which was such a familiar presence and such a strong bond that you only know now how much it comforted you now that it is not here.
I still can't believe that it has been years since she has gone , she is constantly on my mind even if it is to say I still love you mum or how am I doing . You do still have chats and ask their opinion on anything and everything and you hope that you are still making her proud.
X x x x
From a daughter who misses the only person who really knew and loved her.

Comments for I miss my mum x

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Nov 15, 2013
I miss my mum x
by: Doreen UK

JT I am sorry for your loss of husband, sister, mum and the loss of relationship with your extended family. It almost feels as if one is meant to lose those close loved one's and left with the not so good family. You may be perceived by extended family to be evil, but this is their perception and shouldn't define who you are. You were caregiver to your husband for 7-8yrs. and this is such a loving and demanding job. I have some similarities in my family so feel an empathy with you. My husband was dying of cancer and I was his caregiver for over 3yrs. Our son never visited his father much either. His dad had to work long hours often 7 days a week and overseas and did a lot of travelling so didn't have the bond he needed with his son, so it affected his relationship. This bothered my husband when he was dying. But I re-assured him that he was the best father he could be under the circumstances and now was not the time to process such thinking. I turned his mind to the positive and this is what we can now do with our lives when we are on our own. Families fracture more at a death and many behave badly and move away which is a common problem. You are wise to give your time to a charity. I did this for 8yrs. and found great fulfilment in this type of giving to the community. You will benefit greatly by being involved in this way of life. No sense in pining for what will never change. You will gain strength and maintain your dignity as you go through life. I hope that life does get better for you in the days ahead and that what is happening now to you is just part of the trials we go through in life and a tribulation that won't crush us but make us better people. Jesus was forsaken by his disciples and also went through great suffering and trials and He can identify with our sufferings. We are not alone. Jesus trod this valley before us and He will bring us out of this suffering. I wish you better things in life and a way out of your loneliness and despair.

Nov 14, 2013
miss your mum
by: jt

I am deeply sorry about your mum. Everything you said is a description of how i feel, too. Mom and I were best friends, and I sure miss that daily call, "Is that you Jeannie?" Now I have lost everyone, and am going downhill and filled with despair and fear.
I lost my husband in '10, my only sister in 09, and my father committed suicide in '74. My beloved father in law also committed suicide.....the frosting on the cake is my mother in law excluded me as soon as my husband died, and all stepchildren and in law extended family abandoned me, too. Thus, after 31 yrs of tight knit family of which I was surely a large part, I am evil and to be scorned. I was care giver for my dear husband for over 7-8 yrs, as he slipped into a downward spiral due to PTSD, agent orange poisoning in Viet Nam and lack of care by the VA, The grown up kids never came to see him but once in 5 yrs, nor did they come at all when he broke his hip and hospitalized for 1 month. They came once when he had a brain bleed.
So now I have no family, but my 12 yr old beagle, whom my husband loved bigger than life. It seemed when he was at his worst, the only thing that made him smile was beloved beagle. The loss includes 7 grandchildren I never see and lonely holidays. I have tried to start a new life, but failed. I have moved 7 times in 3 yrs, as though I am running away....nothing gives me comfort and I hate the darkness. I, like you, put on a fake smile so friends think I am ok, but am so weary of putting up this mask. I wish I had some comforting advice for you. I am going to try charitable help, and will work Thanksgiving day for the homeless. I am also looking into helping animals. Doing something to honor your mum is a great idea.
We must all walk through loss, not around it. I am thinking kind thoughts for you and hope you find peace and comfort within.

Nov 14, 2013
by: Lisa

Thank you x x
I did get to tell my mum I loved her very much .
I have been reading peoples lovely words about their loved ones .
I know I have to find a way to find my smile and zest for life, I just do not know how yet.
X x

Nov 14, 2013
I can totally feel for what you are saying.
by: Rodney

I lost my mom suddenly to brain cancer this summer and my dad is palliative.

I can totally agree with you when you talk of how much you miss your mom. Mine was 74. Not a day goes by when I don't tell her in my mind and soul how much I miss her and love her.

One thing I have found that helps me, and might help you feel better is that I am heavily involved in the charitable work that my mom was so very active in. It is a causes we both loved and spent many hours working for together. In a small way it allows me to honour her memory.

We each must find our own things that will help.

Shalom and peace always

Nov 14, 2013
I miss my mum x
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your mum. Many of us come from fractured families and often the burden of it all falls on the shoulders of the one who is able to do this and the other's in the family are quite content to let you get on with it. I was my mother's favourite daughter because I had the qualities she needed to give me huge responsibilities the other's were not able to do. I faced sibling rivalry etc. I repressed my feelings and things got so bad. I felt like how you describe the way you feel. I reached breaking point and took myself into counselling and within 4yrs. I resolved 40yrs. of pain and sadness. I am Healed in ways I can't describe and even though I lost my husband of 44hyrs. 18 months ago to cancer, I coped better than if I didn't do this counselling years ago.
If you don't deal with your feelings you won't get better and will end up feeling the way you do and lose quality of life. It doesn't have to be this way. try and get some good support and see if you can work out how you feel now. I can't put into words how wonderful it is to feel FREE and able to breathe life into my days. I am still very broken losing my husband but I am coping with life better. I wish you all the best in life and know that if you do the hard work in counselling you will reap rich rewards that you will have forever. Best wishes.

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