I miss my mum x
My mum died nearly 6 years ago at the age of 75. She went down hill slowly with old age from 65 with she had a bleed in the brain. Our family was not the closest and I did struggle with looking after her and the awful attitude of my family at this time but I do not regret a thing as I did try to help but I did used to get upset I do wish I was stronger and could have done more. I feel like I have lost all my strength to go through life, I am not strong anymore, I struggle to be happy my smile has gone. I am not this confident person anymore I am a shell of my former self, that happy person is no longer in me. I struggle to talk sometimes as I don't find anything funny anymore,. People think I am ok as I hide it well but I am just on a wheel waiting for my death day as I don't think anything will ever make me smile again.. I am not me, I don't know who I am now , just this older woman who is looking sadder every year. I am making changes in my life and I still carry on but I don't feel like it , there is no smile on my face while doing it.
Life is such a struggle without the person that you knew was always always there for you. Would invite you round for dinner sometimes or if you just needed to feel you needed to be with your mum . You did not know it at the time how very much you would miss everything about your mum, to the little and big things she did for you.
You now know of your mothers love which was such a familiar presence and such a strong bond that you only know now how much it comforted you now that it is not here.
I still can't believe that it has been years since she has gone , she is constantly on my mind even if it is to say I still love you mum or how am I doing . You do still have chats and ask their opinion on anything and everything and you hope that you are still making her proud.
X x x x
From a daughter who misses the only person who really knew and loved her.