I miss my wife

by Guillermo
(California)

I just lost my wife to depression.On Friday March 23, my beautiful wife took her life at the age of 40. I am so sad and I miss her so much right now but I know she is still here with me in my heart.We have been together for over 11 years. She was my wife, my love, my best friend. We spent almost every day together in those 11 years. I feel lost alone and lonely.I do have a really good support system..... I miss my wife.

She tried to kill her self in December so we moved back in with her parents. She seemed to be on the up and up on Friday but I feel that she was faking it. Her parents left to do there taxes and I went to pick up her medication. Before I left she told me to get a hair product for her, so i left feeling good that she was going to be ok. I got home and her father asked me where is Rebecca,I thought she was with you.
I said, I think she is upstairs. He said, no I just check, maybe she went for a walk.

I started to feel a little funny so I went upstairs. The bedroom door was wide open so I went in and walked in to the bathroom where I found my wife hanging from her belt that she had tide to my pull up bar. I screamed then I yelled, "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!" followed by " HELP! HELP! HELP!"
I pulled her down laid her flat on her back and started performing CPR. She had no breath and no pulse. By this time her dad came in and handed me the phone, for he had called 911.I continued with the CPR. Paramedics came very fast and took over. I knew she was gone but I had hope for her survival.
I was by myself in the hospital when the doctor came to me with the news. " I am sorry we did all we could. Her heart stopped from asphyxiation. I cried and i felt so alone as I still do. I miss my wife...

Comments for I miss my wife

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Nov 21, 2014
not better yet
by: DanG

I watched her body get destroyed from complications from the birth of our second little girl. She was a healthy mom and wonderful wife. The doctors messed up and she ended up with 5 percent of her intestines, kidney failure, an illeostomy, pituitary and thyroid problems (had to take tons of steroids to survive). 17 months (11 or so of those in a hospital) and upwards of 38 or so surgeries later she passed away leaving me with 2 little girls. It's been just over a year since she died and I am still having a very hard time.

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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Nov 12, 2014
How does time heal?
by: Anonymous

Five years on, I still feel like crap! I miss her so much.
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Nov 07, 2014
I simply just miss my wife
by: Anonymous

I also just googled I miss my wife out sadness. So many stories just like mine. My wife also took her life from depression. I came home for lunch and found her in the kitchen. It's been 2yrs now and it at times feels like yesterday. The kids had just left the nest and I'm am thankful for that. I always told that it was now our time. Now there is no time. I am a devout Catholic but I will never understand why god allows mental illness that robs a person of their free will. I pray for all of you.

Nov 06, 2014
Ovarian Cancer
by: Anonymous

I lost my best friend, my greatest critic, my biggest fan on October 6th 2013 to ovarian cancer...we had been married 28 years. To say I miss her is beyond words. For most people in my family and circle life continues on, but as for me the world is very dark and cold. She was my light and my joy in this life. I believe she is with Christ as I type this, but it does not help me at all to hear "she is in a better place". I know and believe that with all my soul but its still cold, dark without her. Praying each day fort he clouds to lift and be able to smile and live again.
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Oct 23, 2014
i miss my wife
by: robert

i just googled i miss my wife and here i am it will be 7 years soon i have never been so alone after 29 years together she passed in my arms at home she just looked at me and held out her hand and said this is it and she left she had a stroke and never said a word she was my best friend we never were apart and never fought we worked and played together i hate my life so much i cant wait till iam gone it hurts so bad
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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

Sep 29, 2014
Guess none of us are alone
by: Jake H

Today would have been my wife's 40th. 2 years ago last week she died suddenly after collapsing a few weeks earlier. As I sit here having a drink instead of being at my desk I typed in " I miss my wife" to google and look what ive found.

We will all get through this because we have to.
My heart goes out to you all and as miserable as I am I know over time it will get tolerable.

Good luck on your journeys my brothers in grief. It sucks and we know it.
Jake

Sep 24, 2014
I feel your pain
by: Chris

It is over 6 years since I found my wife hanging in our house. Most of the time I function well these days, but sometimes that pain of losing her just overwhelms me.

Today I googled 'I miss my wife' and your story Guillermo was the first hit. My story is very similar to yours, a wife plagued with depression, struggling to survive.

I can't begin to describe the depths of missing her. It is like something was wrenched from my heart and soul. I feel like my soul is dead. Our relationship was not perfect, but I always knew we were meant to be together. She made me happy, she made me mad, she was full of life, beautiful, intelligent, but she couldn't conquer whatever demons crazed her.

I am so sorry that other male partners posting here feel this profound pain. Know that I understand.

Sep 22, 2014
Miss wife
by: Tom

My wife died this past January after 34 years of marriage and dating for two. Raised three kids and only marriage for both of us. It is tough. The other night I woke and began to hyper ventilate thinking about her. I stay busy and focused though and helps. Could never marry again or date. Good luck to all.

Sep 15, 2014
I'm sorry for all of the losses
by: Dad of 3

We all need to have a coffee or drink together. Misery loves company they say.

Sep 15, 2014
sad
by: Mike

I lost my wife after 36 years of wedded bliss about 6 weeks ago if hear the words move on or stay strong again i will scream , we were given some good news last 2014 xmas the cancer had cleared and were planning our holidays , this summer only to be cruelly told the cancer had returned only 6 weeks into the new year , i wont bore you with the details but it has destroyed my life am dreading the future I will be strong for my grandchildren but every hour on my own i cry, i hope we all find our in future i know that's what she would have wanted

Sep 12, 2014
I miss my "wonderful" wife Sandi
by: Bob

I lost the love of my life, it will be 3 years this Thanksgiving. We fell in love the first time our eyes met at a dance in Las Vegas in the late 70's. She was a sweet loving woman always caring about others first. Our youngest son had health problems from an early age which wore on her every day. When he was diagnosed with Progressive MS and confined to a hospital bed at home she began having panic attacks that eventually led to COPD. I feel guilty that I should have taken better care of her and had her go to her Doctor more! But I thank God for the blessed over thirty years we shared. I still can't believe she is gone and people say time heals all wounds, I don't think so! Our son is a wonderful soul like his Mom and I do my best to care for him with some caregiver assistance. It is difficult but I see much of her in him and it makes it more bearable. Now they feel he may have Lou Gehrig's disease so we will take each day and make the best of it. I know she is in a special place in Heaven and look forward to the day we are together again!

Sep 01, 2014
Sad in fla
by: Anonymous

Wife not dead but schizophrenic and hospitalized in China have not seen her 5 years now. We had a little apartment and other stuff together..when the late afternoon sun welds the clouds to the sky my heart hurts unimaginably but I know God is caring for her ../; you Must have God helping you to get thru these things there is no other way... Readers who have a loss stay away from alcohol drugs I never used them so my health is ok

Jul 30, 2014
i miss my wife too
by: kevin Cash

Its been 6 years and im not much better:(?

Jul 29, 2014
No comfort....
by: Dad of 3

I guess I never stopped to realize how many other men out there would feel as I do. Like their whole world was ripped away from them when they lost the one that meant so much to them. Like many of you, my wife was my high school sweetheart and we were married for 27 years. Both in our 40's and way too early to worry about our own deaths. I miss her everyday. I cry still on many days. I hide it from my kids, the world. I don't want to hear one more person tell me that I need to be moving on, or it's been long enough. I was surprised that I found no comfort in seeing others that feel as I do. Instead I feel even more pain and grief to know that there are so many more out there like me that are suffering everyday. I wish there was something I could say or do to help - but I know there is nothing...

May 23, 2014
I missing my wife
by: Richard

The feeling to lose the love of your life is unbearable. I'm in her home that I built for my wife and it feel so empty. My wife never saw her new home since she come from Russia. We applied 3 time for a visa and every time the embassy rejected her application for stupid reason . Now it to late. I lost her. Now selling the new home and going into a depression . I have been to her country 9 time but out embassy only cared about money . I was with her for a long time . I wanted to maker her sow happy . I was giving her a new life . A real home for her . Now here alone in an empty home . Tomorrow I have an open house for sale. After its done . It will be all for me also . All I have is photos and video. I sleep crying like a child . I only want her back . She was my life . I missing her smile and are discussions. Even the argument were nice. You feeling are correct. It's hard when you love is gone . Memories is what to hold on to .

May 23, 2014
lonely for wendy
by: Stony

My wife died 4and a half months ago - and as so many people have said it feels like yesterday - she was 46 and we had been married 16 years. Went to bed one night with 'heartburn' and in the morning she was gone. Just me now and her two cats. We were so close we were happy to be on our own, lost touch with family and friends...now I am all alone - just the cats..if it wasn't for them...Hate to say this but it feels a tiny little bit better that some people know what I am going through because no one else seems to get it - I can't even shop because I just see the things she liked ! My thoughts and prayers are with you all...I hope you can get through it, not sure what to do x

Apr 10, 2014
missing my soulmate!
by: Ryan

I lost the Love of my life on October 23,2011. Its been 2 1/2 years and I still weap for her almost everynight. We were together for 20 years, High School Sweathearts. Its been really hard for me and my 3 children. My wife also passed away on the same day that we lost our second child. Our baby girl passed away while my wife was 6months pregnant on October 23,1998. It brings me some comfort knowing that they are finally together in Heaven. I know she would want me to move on and to try and have a happy life, but I'm not ready! I don't know when I'll feel better, but this is something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I love you Connie, I cannot wait untill we meet again, for I will never let you go again!

Mar 29, 2014
I miss my wife too...
by: Paul

My wife and I were married on October 12, 2013 after a three plus year relationship, I found her dead from an accidental overdose the morning of October 13, 2013. I miss her with every ounce of my being, she was the best half of me, the half I never was. I have an amazing family, and friends that are there for me at a drop of the hat, yet I am as alone as I have ever been. Every day without her seems more like a nightmare that I am living, with few distractions from the sad truth of it all.

Jan 08, 2014
my wife died on her birthday
by: 6/12/66

My wifed passed away on 6/12/99 and was born on 6/12/66. Our daughter was born on 6/9/99, three days before my wife passed away. It has been very difficult coping and living without my wife. Its been almost 14yrs, but i playback 6/9/99 daily. No child or husband should ever experience this level of grief. I pray for the day we shall see each other again, but now i have two teenagers to raise and love. Sometime i watch my daughter and think what if, she new her mother.

Dec 02, 2013
i miss my wife too
by: kevin

She passed 6years ago it feels like yesterday.

Oct 20, 2013
$hortyD
by: My Romeo

My wife was murdered Aug 21st on her way home from work. She was murdered by a man released from prison July 30th. He intended to carjack her so he could rob others. Total stranger, wrong place wrong time. We were on our 5yr anniversary in Cabo Aug 3rd-Aug 10th. My wife was 33yrs old.

We have 3 children, 13B, 4G, 2G.

I miss my wife, my best friend, my other half. I'm left with the wrong half. I would trade places w/her in a second.

I've read other sites and I believe the only way through hard times is through God. Faith is a journey because as much as I want to have it right now, complete understanding and trust eludes me. Today is Oct 20th, my birthday is tomorrow. Our calendar in our kitchen reads "My man's bday!"

I can't say anything somebody else has not already written. I know I don't feel anything somebody else has not already felt. I don't find comfort in that, I just know that evil exists and free will ends up in the wrong hands more often than we would like.

My wife kept our family alive and she will continue to do so. I don't feel her around me, as much as I wish I did. However, I know I don't have this kind of strength on my own. She is working through me.

Our little girls will grow up w/out their mommy. That itself is enough to grieve everyday for the rest of time. Our son will have his own memories and he has a lot of great things to smile about.

My biggest concern is how cruel the world has been to my wife. What about her now? I know she is with God, but her spirit, her life was of the most value already here on Earth. I miss the energy she provided by physically being here, the passion in which she lived each day. I can't provide that to our children the same way she did. I don't smile as often or as bright as she does. I don't make our kids laugh quite the same. I certainly don't make other people happier and better for knowing me - she did that. God didn't take her and I believe he is sad that the free will his people have was used against him to take one of his living angels.

I miss you baby, I will forever. Please Lord give me the strength to make her proud, to make her smile through my actions, not just now but for as long as I live on Earth. Please Lord let me see her again and share everything we shared together all over again.


Oct 14, 2013
i miss my wife too
by: kevin

I lost my wife 7 years ago it feels like it happened yesterday.

Apr 19, 2013
It doesn't end...
by: Rob

... 10th December 2011, 1.44pm my beloved wife Jacqui lost her 3-year battle with a brain tumour aged 43. She was the most inspirational, loving, caring and trusting person in my life... she deserved to live so much, and wanted to live more than anything... Full of grace and compassion until the end, her passing has left a gap in my world that can never be filled - nor would I want it to.

The pain doesn't stop, it just changes its form... some days are better than others, and although life will and does go on, its only half a life now she's gone...

Anyway... this is my cross to bear, but I have read all the stories above with such saddness, my thoughts are with you all very much...

Like many, I'm not overly religious... and what faith I did have has been knocked by what happened to a beautiful woman who always did her best for everyone... she was not flawed like me... she was truely pure of heart and deserved so much better.... but if there is a God, may he/she bless you all...

x

Mar 19, 2013
Alone
by: Ed

My fiancé died in January she got run over by a car. She had just turned 31 and it was our twins 3rd birthday in a few weeks. I've been in so much pain but trying to be strong for the twins but finding it so hard. Her family are doing things and keeping things from me which is getting me down also. They didn't know her really anymore either as we were together 8 years and never really saw them. I'm not next of kin and they were just passing me by with everything. I feel so alone it's just my kids keeping me going and work is such a headache.

Oct 14, 2012
Sorrow
by: Adnan

I lost my wife on Sept 23 , 2012 at 5;26pm .
She died from an over dose of drugs .
My life ended at that moment . I live alone in a
small town. If i didnt have to take care of my three dogs & a cat . I certainley would have ended it for me.
I feel so guilty . How could i have not known she was addicted to these dammned pills. I could have saved her life if i could just have gone in her room & woken her up in time

Oct 02, 2012
No joy
by: Anonymous

1st of all I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you were a very good husband (even though I am sure like me you have replayed every minor argument in your head).

I lost my wife on July 4th 2012. She had a disease called Addisons or Adrenal Gland insufficiency. It made her tired and the cortisol she took to treat it made her gain weight which hurt her self esteem. She also suffered from depression. She had been vomiting on the 2nd. Then we went to the Doctor on the 3rd and she was diagnosed with gastroenteritis. That night she felt better and she and I and our 9 yr old son watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The next morning she woke up and came out to her computer. She logged into facebook, left a few likes and suddenly started breathing very shallow. I called an ambulance and they came but couldn't save her (partially because they wouldn't listen that she needed Cortisol). We too were married for 10 years and knew each other a bit longer.

Any tips for how to get through this hell? BTW Atheist here so please no talking to god bits...

Sep 08, 2012
why?
by: Anonymous

I misss my wife so bad. I awoke on JULY 1st to find her passed away in our bed. no actual cause of death we had been married for 7 years and she was only 36 she would have been 37 on July 2nd. She left me with three kids ( and a huge custody battle with their biological father) I am just so overwhelmed by everything , I just wish she was here to help me

Sep 04, 2012
my wife
by: Joao

My wife was 25 years old and recently died in a car accident at the complete fault of a neglectful driver.

She had so much to live for and had so many goals. She was about to go in for surgery to get some women problems taken care of so she could get pregnant.

I was the one with problems in my head. I always would get down and depressed. I never actually tried to commit suicide but I thought about it sometimes, even with her by my side.

Now I know what being empty really is. She was my soul mate, the love of my life.

Everyone tells me the same thing... Time heals the wounds. But my grief seems to get worse every day.

It is so hard, especially knowing that we only got to be married for three years and that she did not get to achieve any of her goals career wise or to become a mother.

I lived for her, she was my best friend and most of the time, my only friend. Now I have nothing except the empty house.

There are others out there who are suffering... I don't know if that would make you feel better. But there are others who are feeling this deep and hurtful pain. Nothing makes sense. Life makes no sense.

Sometimes I think it's disrespectful to even be living life without her. It's so very hard.


Aug 08, 2012
no regret
by: max

dear brother, i myself lost my loved girlfriend yesterday, she was such a bless to me that now all those laughters and sweet memories we shared are coming to stab my heart wave after wave. however i know god took her from me for a reason, now she is in peace, it's just the unbearable sadness i know not how to deal with, may we find comfort through time.

Jun 22, 2012
sense of loss
by: Anonymous

my wife died unexpectedly in her sleep 6 months ago
she was 39 years old.
we'd been married 20 years.

i've no idea how you get over the sense of loss


Jun 14, 2012
tormented
by: frank

I am a 43 year old man with bi-polar disorder. My wife and I had been been married for almost 16 years. She had no diagnosed mental health issues, in fact she was part of the reason I was stable for so long, her brightness,her light and caring was hard to resist.On march 17 I found her hanging in the shed.My life or whats left of it will never be the same.Our relationship at the time was the best it had been in our marriage,though our circumstances were not.We had always gotten through tough times, in fact thats when we became united even more. Though we had a unique problem her side of the family with exeption to her mother ,secretly,would even speak to me and some even to her for being with me,seems they never approved of me.This caused more pain to my wife than they would ever imagine and still I dont think they get it.On the day of my wifes suicide after great persuasion by his wife her father spoke to me after over a year.You see when my wife was alive I allowed my two young children to spend several months there while my wife and I remodeled our home even though I wasnt allowed to visit my children at there house.Well now I assume they figured that would come to an end in a hurry.Of course thats all I could think about was my wife was gone ,my kids had no mom and her parents lost a daughter.So I agreed with a invitation to stay with the kids at there house,yes the house I had been banned from.After the funeral I went to stay with my mother who just lost my dad 5 months earlier and my son insisted on being with me.My daughter on the other hand,14 years old with all the freedom grandparents will allow insisted on staying with grandma,so I allowed it.I am desperately trying to unite the family I have left without causing a war.there are so many more details that would nock your socks off but all I will say Is that the pain I feel from losing my wife to suicide I dont believe time,distaction,other people,money,religion,my children though I love them with all of my heart, will heal or lighten the extreme hole in my heart that never ever makes me forget about the most kind beautiful woman ive ever known.

Mar 31, 2012
Depression
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. Your wife is now free on the depression that afflicted her. She knows you loved her and keep in mind you are not responsible for her happiness. As a person suffering from depression. I have come to realize, my spouse and family is not responsible for me to be happy. You were supportive and loving and most people leave their loved ones under such conditions. Being together for 16 years, we almost broke up over my depression. I still suffer from depression and it is a struggle and often is done internally and alone. You are a great man for doing everything you could, brought her closer to her blood family and supported her. I wish I had more to say. Suicide is not an answer. Do not be mad at her it is a disease, be mad at the disease. Remember the good times. God Bless
Tim

Mar 31, 2012
I share your despair
by: Chris

Dear Guillermo,

It has been 3+ years since I found my wife on our bed, dead from a sleeping pill overdose. I started crying just by clicking on your post. The circumstances surrounding suicide cut to our bone and leave us with hole that can seem like it will never be filled.

Your experience is so recent and raw; my heart goes out to you. But it is wonderful that you found this web site and I encourage you to use whatever resources you can find in order to cope. I just found this site today after a particularly bad day for me and my loss. I wish that I had discovered this site and sought additional support sooner. It was just so painful thinking about it that I tended to avoid support groups. I'm only now realizing that was a mistake.

Please allow yourself the time and self-forgiveness necessary for this grieving process to take its course. And, I know you feel alone and abandoned. I felt so angry and desperate in this regard that I rushed into other relationships thinking I could fill the void. For the most part, they have all been disastrous. I realize now that by rushing the process, I was only prolonging it. It goes without saying that this will be, most likely, the most difficult period of your life. However long it takes, let it happen and try not to beat yourself up about the circumstances.

That last point is so key. Friends and family would tell me all the time, "you know it's not your fault, right?" And, while I know that to be the case intellectually, emotions are much stronger in this regard. If your experience is like mine, no one can take away those feelings of "if only I'd..." So please try to accept those emotional thoughts of guilt and responsibility and balance them with what you know to be the truth: our loved ones made this life/death choice by themselves. As I type that last sentence it sounds so lonely and sad, but it is the truth. And, while you will never be the same person, I hope that you can learn to accept this fact.

I respect you for taking this step to share your grief and I thank you for, in a little way, helping me with mine.

Chris

Mar 30, 2012
My prayers are with you
by: Anonymous

My heart & prayers go out to you for the tragic loss of your beautiful wife.

What we have once enjoyed we never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
(Helen Keller)

May you find peace within your heart.

-Linda

Mar 30, 2012
I am sorry
by: Nettie

Death is death no matter how we put it. my husband passed away feb 15,2012 of a massive heart attack he was 44 never complained of nothing. OUR grief are probly the same they say time will heal the wouned heart but right now I honestly dont believe it. I pray that we both make it through the worst pain of all GRIEF.

Mar 30, 2012
No Preparation for this
by: Judith

Guillermo, How horrible to have had to find your love like that. The hurt they leave behind is unbearable. I'm so sorry for your loss . You did all you could. God bless you in hte coming months and may he give you the strength to deal with this awful roller coaster ride of grief.

There is no preparation for this or how our loves leave us. We just have to understand their need to go too soon.

May you one day find yourself on the peaceful side of this and may you find a new loving relationship in time.

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