I miss you baby!

by Rick

I miss you so much honey.

I miss you so much honey.

I buried my heart and my beautiful wife in March 2012 after a short illness. Short story: She was diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis in November, put on immunosuppressants shortly after. Developed a rare infection and died at the end of February at age 31. We bought our first house on June 24th and her Birthday is June 25th, so it was like an early Birthday gift for her. Now your Birthday is almost here again and I'm totally lost. All of our stuff is here but it feels so empty and quiet, I haven't even slept in our bed since you left. I can't figure out what I'm supposed to do without you here. Nothing is the same, my center of gravity feels lower, like I'm walking on my knees. I feel like I'm in a box and everything seems two dimensional, less significant. You were my life and still are even though you aren't here anymore. I love you more than anything on this god forsaken planet. When I used to think about my own mortality I used to be scared of dieing or that I didn't have enough time to do the stuff I want to do. Now the only thing that I'm scared of is that I have too much time.

Comments for I miss you baby!

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Jun 17, 2012
Missing the love of my life
by: Doreen England U.K.

Hi Rick
I am sorry for the loss of your wife, she was so young. The grief is so very painfull when you lose a spouse. You feel lost as if you have lost everything that had meaning in life.
God created us for companionship and People need people which is why the pain is so difficult to deal with. As if half of you is missing. I think emotional pain is worse because you can't see it. You feel it in a way you don't feel physical pain. You can get medication for physical pain but medication for emotional pain just masks the pain. You still have to feel it and go through it. This is the reality of grief.
You express the same feelings as I am going through Rick. I feel lost, as if I am in a box and can't get out much like my husband Steve of 44yrs. marriage is by being in a wooden box in a grave.
Sorrow seems to go on forever but you don't grieve all at once it happens in stages even though at times with the grief it is unbearable at different times.
When reading some of the stories on this website there is always something someone else says that speaks to our soul and we get our healing from this. It actually makes us feel better at that time and so it goes on. You will begin to feel better. I am only 6 weeks into losing my husband.
We all grieve in different ways and so I lost my son 43yrs. daugher 40yrs. all on the day of the funeral and I am grieving 3 losses. It is at a funeral that unresolved issues resurect themselves and get ugly and then you get a surprise suddenly not knowing the children you brought up and then one has more issues to grieve over. A treble loss for me. If you are spared this then you are fortunate and will move on better. You will go on to embrace life again. Just give yourself the space to do this.
My cousin lost his wife at a young age in his 30's and his children were 7 and 9 years. He has survived and moved on to another relationship. One does as part of life but don't even go there yet. It will be unthinkable and an insult to your memory of your loss now. Just remember I told you so. Best wishes for the future.

Jun 16, 2012
Missing Love
by: Judith in California

What a lovely lady Rick. YAs you are finding out it's going to be the hardest thing you do this grieving. It was for me for the first 15 months. I grieve less now and have come to the realization nothing will ever be the same , especially me. the hole left in our hearts is ever present no matter what we do or where we go. We may laugh with others and talk normally but when the lights are off or when no one else is around the emptiness sets in once again.

I'm much stronger now and do go places but the void I feel while driving to and from is awful still after 21 months. It's the feeling Chuck should be with me because we always were together. I search faces in a crowd looking for him . I cry less but still miss him so much.

I pray God will give you the strength to get to the acceptance and peaceful side of your loss. I did when I let go and let God have him and knowing he no longer had to suffer pain anymore.

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