I miss you Darryn...

by Kathy
(Jacksonville, Fl)

My 21 yr old son was murdered in a home invasion April 3,2008, and the courts deported the trigger man, but never charged the other people involved. I pretty much was told to go home and forget, which is impossible, therefore I've never had any closure to speak how I feel about my loss.

He was my youngest, and there is a lot of pain dealing with the reality. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a bad dream, and how could this be happening. I'm crying as I type this, but being a single mother~ the heaviness is immeasurable.

I'm a broke woman now, even though I try to smile on the outside, I know that I'm not the same anymore. I try to keep myself busy, and nurture my other kids, but the pain is still there for all of us. I don't trust people anymore, and I sometimes feel as though I'm against the world.

My prayers go out to the mothers that are grieving over their sons, and daughters as well. No one is prepared for the walk/journey that has been put before us. I feel as though I can't be hurt any deeper than I've experienced with my loss. I was always a proud person, but now.. I've fallen below humility, pain, and pride. What I used to be sensitive about, I've grown a thick skin.

I really want God to order my steps, and strengthen me, because I truly don't understand "why". My life right now is one day at a time. I'm sad during the Holidays, and Birthdays..they are just another "Blessed Day". Nobody knows what we feel, and it's hard to let him go. I will continue to pray for joy in the morning...one day.

Still Crying,
Kathy