I miss you everyday...

I lost my beautiful mother 2 years ago to ALS. So thankful for every min. I had with her, but struggling daily to stay positive and "put one foot in front of the other". Nothing could have prepared us for the devastation this disease created . My spirited mother lost her ability to speak and lost complete function other than being able to blink and an occasional laugh (than God for that) 4 short months after diagnosis. She lived an additional 22 months. I feel guilt for not being more positive while caring for her and not giving her the opportunity to scream while she was able. I wish I could go back and do so much more...although at the time we all felt we were at our max. My father, sister and I were her primary caregiver and all even moved in with my sisters family to make it work....anyways...babbling.
I know I can't change the past, but am trying to figure how to cope better live a life that I and my Mom would be proud of. I feel like I just start to feel "happy" and then something wipes me out. Turning 40 last month didn't help...and it's not 40, it's that my mom wasn't here to give me a bad time and celebrate with me. Just feeling that nothing will ever quite be right again. Family dynamics have changed as my Dad did remarry, sell our family home of 40 years and move several states away. So much loss and change in short period of time. Ugh. This forum at least makes me feel like someone understands. Thx.

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