I miss you mamma
I lost my mother 3 months ago on Feb. 26th 2012 . She has been ill since November 1999 because of a brain tumor and we have been fighting for 12 years . I'm 31 and I'm an only child not married. My mom passed away at 66 years old. Definately too young. When I found out she was not well I was away, I live and work in England even though I'm Italian.
I knew she was in the hospital but I thought she was gonna recover like the other times in 12 years. This time she didn't.
I was at work the night she was not well, I got a text message on my phone from my dad saying " your mom is not well come as soon as you can". I didnt make it . When my flight landed my mom was already dead.
I didnt have the chance to say goodbye. I just hold the last image of the last time I saw her in my head. She was in intensive care at the hospital and she looked at me with watery eyes , holding my hand. She couldnt speak because she had a tracheotomy so they only way to communicate with me was though squeezing my hands or looking at me in the eyes.
I will never forgive myself to not have spent enought time with her , she missed me terribly and I gave more importance to my job . I hate myself for this.
Now I will not have the chance to see her again ever.
She will miss my wedding, birth of my first child, my next birthday ,and all the holiday.
At first I thought I could cope with her loss, now after 3 months I feel desperate. Many times I wish myself death to stop suffering so much.
I try to be strong for my dad but I feel hopeless.
Went to see a psychitric but he didnt help at all.
The only thing I need is Mom and she will never come back to me.All I have left is her things, memories and a video that I have on my iphone where she tells me how much she loves me and she misses me.
I played once in awhile when I really miss to hear her voice and I feel awful.
I cant believe she's not there anymore.
On February 2012 I lost my mom , and now I lost myself.