I miss you mom, haven't seen you for 2 months
My mother died 2 months because of liver cancer found out in the last phase. Causes of disease were more: misdiagnosis months before, diet pills, abortions, stress for the day of tomorrow, a misunderstanding husband, a mother too concerned about her health problems.
I was not the perfect daughter, I was wrong, I thought that I love more my boyfriend than her. I was wrong, I feel that nobody can fill the void caused by the lack of her existence. I was the reason she went further over many problems in her life, she loved me and loves me so much, it would have never left me, she sacrificed her health for me to be able to have what to eat, what to wear, to study,and also she gave me a little sister because she didn't want me to be lonely after her death. I miss her so much, I'm the only person in the family that dreams of her weekly. But that ain't a cure for me, I miss her callings, her voice, her smile, her love, her protection.......
I can't sleep at night, when I'm alone I cry, I hate the room were she died, i feel empty, anxious, there is no peace in my soul, can't find joy in anything, sometimes i can't breath, my body shakes, my blood is burning and trying to get out or to fill my brain, i want to scream, to hit somebody.......
No one can feel my sufferings, but the talk about my everyday mistakes.My therapist tries to help me but I feel there's a long journey for my healing.