I miss you mom, haven't seen you for 2 months

by Ann
(Timis)

My mother died 2 months because of liver cancer found out in the last phase. Causes of disease were more: misdiagnosis months before, diet pills, abortions, stress for the day of tomorrow, a misunderstanding husband, a mother too concerned about her health problems.
I was not the perfect daughter, I was wrong, I thought that I love more my boyfriend than her. I was wrong, I feel that nobody can fill the void caused by the lack of her existence. I was the reason she went further over many problems in her life, she loved me and loves me so much, it would have never left me, she sacrificed her health for me to be able to have what to eat, what to wear, to study,and also she gave me a little sister because she didn't want me to be lonely after her death. I miss her so much, I'm the only person in the family that dreams of her weekly. But that ain't a cure for me, I miss her callings, her voice, her smile, her love, her protection.......
I can't sleep at night, when I'm alone I cry, I hate the room were she died, i feel empty, anxious, there is no peace in my soul, can't find joy in anything, sometimes i can't breath, my body shakes, my blood is burning and trying to get out or to fill my brain, i want to scream, to hit somebody.......

No one can feel my sufferings, but the talk about my everyday mistakes.My therapist tries to help me but I feel there's a long journey for my healing.

Comments for I miss you mom, haven't seen you for 2 months

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Mar 03, 2013
Your mother is already in heaven
by: Doreen U.K.

Carlos Angelito Thank You for your reply here and that you have such a strong Faith and Courage to give to others of your experience.
I am sorry for the difficulties you have in your father's side of the family and also some from your mom's side. This is part of life but can and often is painful to bear. The Bible is full of stories like this where God showed us that these things will be. WE live in a sinful world and the more we try to live a righteous life we will suffer persecution. But God has told us to be OVERCOMERS and this is what we do each day of our lives. The hardest part of living is trying of overcome evil with good. But we can only do this in the strength of God. May God continue to Bless you throughout life and perhaps we will meet on the other side. Bless you my Friend

Mar 03, 2013
I miss you mom, haven't seen you for 2 months
by: Doreen U.K.

Ann I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. You have had to deal with a sudden death and I am so glad you are in counselling. BE PATIENT. These are the feelings of Raw Grief. I was in counselling for years. It was very painful and very expensive, but the best investment I made into how I feel today. I could never go back to feeling that way. I am more positive and in a happier frame of mind. I resolved my hurts and my losses in counselling. You will also. JUST DON'T GIVE UP. One day you won't regret it.
Now the guilt you are feeling over not being a perfect daughter is NORMAL grief. I have the perfect daughter and one not so perfect and a son who was a pure pain to bring up. But you know what. A parent will strive with her children and do what she has to do. If my children strayed I would give them their space and keep loving them till they found themselves and came back. The door IS and always will be open for any of them. Your mom would have been the same. If you ever become a mom you will understand Why a mom can be so loving towards her child or children even when they become difficult. This is part of life. Our children are exposed to a world where they will be influenced by other people and form different opinions and values that can cause conflict with parents. Children even become selfish and self centred. Some mature quickly and some don't. My son has taken 20yrs. to mature. That is why he has had more problems in his life. Because of this maturity level. Don't fight your feelings. Accept who you were and how you will change after counselling. YOu will go on to be a more integrated person. Your mom would be proud of you now and even later. This is a moms' love. Don't fill your life with the REGRETS. Your mom is not suffering anymore so any Guilt you feel would be pointless. It would benefit no one. One day you will look forward and be in a happier and healthier place. You will have a positive outlook and you will have Healed from your Grief and loss of your Mom.

Mar 02, 2013
Your Mother is already in heaven
by: Carlos Angelito

Sometimes realizing our mistakes to a love ones happen when they are long gone.To give you a piece of mind let me remind you that this is not the only life but there is a place that is much further better and comfortable. That is in heaven in God's glory. Your mother is already very happy with the Lord. and I believe she was having Prayers/dialogue with the Lord for you and your future. Someday you will be reunited with her. Right now your hope and the healing of your heart will be on the Lord's hand. After all God choose your mother for you. He had love you more than anyone else before the foundation of this world has been laid.He had created you in the womb of your mother with loved and affection. Search the scripture and all of what I am telling you is written in the Bible. Your mother is not really lost. God is now taking care of her soul. and you have a representative in heaven who will always pray and ask God petitions for you. You are not alone in your experience, I also lost my Mom last May 30, 2012. She died of heart failure. I also had many mistakes to her. But I learn to forgive myself by giving everything to our God. He had healed my heart little by little. You are more lucky because you had a sister. Me I am very alone. so alone in the flesh. Because my only guide and allied is the Lord. I am not in good terms with my father's side. They had maltreated us. My mother's side turn their backs from me because of wrong news by my father's side against me. My father's side provoke my neighbors to hate me. What else can I do or to whom shall I turn to when everybody is against me? But I see the goodness of the Lord. He had lift me up and He had made wonderful things in my life. It's about time that you put your trust to the Lord. Because you will not be disappointed. all people including your very own relatives and friends can turn their backs from you but the Lord even how much you disappoint Him,even how much you turn your back from Him or say bad words about Him, He will be always there waiting for you to return to Him. Because he has good plans for you and He wants to be with you forever. I will Pray for you so that the Lord might manifest Himself to you and let you know how much he loved you.

Mar 02, 2013
Sympathy
by: Anonymous

Hi Ann,

So sorry to hear about your dear mother. My father died of liver cancer 15 years ago it is an awful disease. I was devastated when we lost him. Then my mother died 6 years ago. I thought we had our fair share of death.but no on 22/12/12 our darling son age 34 was knocked down and killed not far from home.it is so hard I know but you have to find some strength to carry on. I will pray for you and your mother.try and be strong and remember she is with you all the time looking over you.i know your pain we are sharing an awful loss that is going to take time to get used to

Much love
Lynn

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