I miss you Russ
On Monday January 16th 2012 i lost my soul mate. We met at school in Winchester, aged 4, and many years later, i married and moved to Nottingham. Unfortunately my marriage didnt work out and out of the blue, when i was at my lowest, i got a message on Face Book from the same boy that i went to school with 23 years ago.
He was working in Nottingham - strange coincidense even now - and we met up for a drink. As he walked round the corner that evening, i fell in love. He told me his heart dropped the minute he saw me and i felt the same. We ended up as a couple and i can honestly say i have never been happier, he was and is my true love and soul mate.
To my despair, Russ turned out to be an alcoholic and very depressed. I tried so hard to support him, and get him help, but ultimately the worst happened. On Monday evening, he called me at 7.15 and told me he was going to kill him self. Im so sorry my darling that i didnt believe you. They found you at 9pm and you were pronounced dead at 9.13.
I miss you so much, i miss holding you and being held by you. I miss feeling safe in your arms, i miss holding your hand and feeling so proud. I just miss you.
Life goes on
People laugh and joke, they get on with their lives, but mine seems to have stopped. The police have a letter that you wrote me, i havent had it yet, i would love to read it right now. I have to walk our dogs every day, where you killed yourself, im not sure i can carry on, the pain is so hard. I cant sleep, so i dont want to go to bed, i dont want to wake if i do sleep, because that means i have to endure another day without you.
I went to see you in the mortuary, you looked to peaceful, i kissed you and told you that i loved you. I hope you heard me, and i hope you hear me every time i say it.
Ive still got the funeral to get through, and then the rest of my life, without you. Please make the pain go away.