I miss you Russ

(Nottingham, UK)

On Monday January 16th 2012 i lost my soul mate. We met at school in Winchester, aged 4, and many years later, i married and moved to Nottingham. Unfortunately my marriage didnt work out and out of the blue, when i was at my lowest, i got a message on Face Book from the same boy that i went to school with 23 years ago.
He was working in Nottingham - strange coincidense even now - and we met up for a drink. As he walked round the corner that evening, i fell in love. He told me his heart dropped the minute he saw me and i felt the same. We ended up as a couple and i can honestly say i have never been happier, he was and is my true love and soul mate.
To my despair, Russ turned out to be an alcoholic and very depressed. I tried so hard to support him, and get him help, but ultimately the worst happened. On Monday evening, he called me at 7.15 and told me he was going to kill him self. Im so sorry my darling that i didnt believe you. They found you at 9pm and you were pronounced dead at 9.13.
I miss you so much, i miss holding you and being held by you. I miss feeling safe in your arms, i miss holding your hand and feeling so proud. I just miss you.
Life goes on
People laugh and joke, they get on with their lives, but mine seems to have stopped. The police have a letter that you wrote me, i havent had it yet, i would love to read it right now. I have to walk our dogs every day, where you killed yourself, im not sure i can carry on, the pain is so hard. I cant sleep, so i dont want to go to bed, i dont want to wake if i do sleep, because that means i have to endure another day without you.
I went to see you in the mortuary, you looked to peaceful, i kissed you and told you that i loved you. I hope you heard me, and i hope you hear me every time i say it.
Ive still got the funeral to get through, and then the rest of my life, without you. Please make the pain go away.


Comments for I miss you Russ

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 31, 2012
So very sorry
by: Dorset

i am so sorry for your loss i lost my husband on 6th Jan very suddenly it will be four weeks this sunday life doesnt seem to get any easier no matter what i try.I cant tell you it will get easier as it doesnt but all i can say is you are not the only one and we are all here for you.i get comfort in writing down how i feel as no one really wants to hear anymore they all feel i should just be getting on with it.We all have to believe that we have the inner strength to cope if you wish to reply to me i have posted as My love and best friend and would always be glad to talk to someone who has the same pain.God bless you and keep you.Debs from Dorset

Jan 26, 2012
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your life truly has come to a stop. Getting it going again isn't easy. We can't bury the pain. Unfortunately we have to deal with it. It hurts like hell but we do make it through.
I'm 13 months into grieving for my soul mate. It is getting a bit easier but I still have my days. Yesterday was a bad day. I spent most of it crying. I miss him so much.
Take it one day at a time. Some days all you can do is takes things one breath at a time. That's ok. Things will get better.
God bless.

Jan 26, 2012
by: Anonymous

So sad.... I truly feel the pain you are going through ...

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!