I miss you Scott

by Sue Wells
(Avon Park, FL)

5 days ago my 27 year old son Scott, went to sleep with his fiance and never woke up. Nobody knows why, you were such a fitness buff. It will take 60 to 90 days before we get any answers from the medical examiner.......... but no matter what, it will not bring you back. Scott, you were my baby, my only son and the sunshine in the lives of so many. You were such a fierce friend, the church could not hold them all. Molly (Scott's fiance) is a wreck and even though we love her like our own, it is hard to give support when you are in this kind of pain. I am ANGRY and I feel like I am living in some sort of "backwards" world: you were supposed to bury me. This is so wrong. I wish I could trade places with you; you had your whole life ahead of you.
I miss you and this is so hard.

Comments for I miss you Scott

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Sep 02, 2011
For I Miss you Scott
by: Anonymous

Im sorry about your son Scott, my son Chris died July 14th in his sleep and wasnt found until the 15th. I like you am waiting to find out why. He was just 30. Im hoping finding out will help in some small way to understand why I dont have my son anymore. Its unbearable. I pray you find out soon. Waiting is hard. Its not supposed to be like this. My prayers are with you.

Aug 26, 2011
I know
by: Sandy A

I know your pain - I lost my 28 yr old son 7 months ago - he did not wake up either. It is way too soon for you to think about anything but taking one day - even one breath at a time. The next couple of months will be a struggle filled with grief - but you will get through. Somehow we all get through. This is a terrible tragedy that has happened to you and your family. This is not supposed to happen to us. Its okay to yell and scream and get angry and mostly its okay to cry when you need to. Everyone grieves differently and in their own time - Its only been in the last week or two that i feel like i am turning a corner. The pain in still inside but I am slowly learning to accept this. It is not easy and I still cry ever day. So please more than anything just give yourself time. I will be praying that God gives you peace with your sorrow.

Aug 25, 2011
Missing our sons!!
by: Anonymous in NJ

Hi Sue,

I know your pain almost exactly. Six weeks ago (July 13, 2011) my 26 year old son did not wake up either. I posted "I miss you Jon!! We too have to wait for results from the Medical Examiner but like you said it doesn't really matter how your son died because it won't change anything and he is never coming back. I know it hurts so bad and your pain is fresh and you are numb. My son had a 6 year old son who was with me at the time and has since gone out west to live with his mother. I had to be strong for him and it was hard. My son lived at his grandmothers house and she found him. When she called me and said he's not waking up I didn't think it was a problem because she said he was still breathing. Obviously he was not breathing and nothing could be done. I know the news you received was the worst call of your life. I sympathize with you.
I know you can't be much of a comfort for his fiance at this time but you need to do what you can and take each day at a time. Accept help from family and friends. They really do want to help you because they do not know what else to do. There are no words for this kind of tragedy. No one should ever feel this kind of pain. I lost my 65 year old mom unexpectedly 3 years ago but I never felt this kind of pain. Ironically my cousin lost her only child (a 16 year old daughter) in a car accident 2 years ago and I was at her side ever since. I led her to Compassionate Friends and now she wants to go with me. If you have a chapter in your area you should try to go when you are ready. No one knows the pain of losing a child like another parent who has lost a child.
Please hang in there and take each day as you can. It gets a little easier to get through each day but you will never be the same but you will survive and you have to survive for your family and friends who love you and care for you. Just know that there are people praying for you and your family.

Aug 24, 2011
from California
by: Anonymous

Sue, it's been one year this month since my sweet beloved 23 year old son went to Heaven. It's been one hell of a rough year. On the anniversary of his death I was stunned to see that I had managed to crawl through the year without dying from grief. I highly recommend The Compassionate Friends support group. They have kept me sane. I also belong to a great grief support site on facebook called Grieving Mothers. Its a closed site so you can vent and yell and scream and feel safe in doing so. It's going to be a hard road and I won't lie....the most painful road you've ever traveled....but there are a lot of other moms out there who are willing to hold your hand along the way. They too have been through this and have understanding, wisdom and patience....
May God wrap his loving arms around you and your family. I will be praying for you.

Aug 23, 2011
Missing Your Son
by: TrishJ

Five days after my beloved husband passed I was still in the fetal position. Your body and mind are in a state of shock. Everyone is different but it will be a few months before you can even begin to think rationally. Your every moment is consumed with the overwhelming loss you are experiencing. No parent should ever have to bury a child.
You have been faced with one of life's greatest challenges and you're probably asking ~ WHY???? WHY ME???? My friends and family still have their sons. Why was mine taken? It's OK to question God. We all do it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's almost like having an extremity severed from our bodies. The pain is soul crushing. The wound has to heal and it takes awhile.
Give yourself some time. Your son's fiance probably needs to be alone right now with her grief. You'll find your way to each other. You need your own support right now. You aren't in a position to give support. When you feel strong enough.....reach out to her. It'll be wonderful for both of you (when you are ready). You're very vulnerable right now. Be careful not to place blame. That can be very damaging. Wait until the facts are in. As a former medical practice administrator I know that many deaths are unexplained. Only God knows why.
Be good to yourself. Be patient with yourself. They call it "the grief roller coaster." That's for sure. Up, down. Up, down. Emotions out of control.
This is a wonderful site with a lot of support. We are all struggling with grief. It still seems very surreal to me most days.
Talk to God. He will listen. I went through periods where I didn't think he was listening, the pain was so intense. He's listening.

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