I miss you so much and I'll neve forget you!!xxxx

by Meg
(United kingdom)

Dadcu even though you left this world on the 13th of May 2010 I still miss you so much! You'll never be forgotten and you'll always be in  my heart! When i found out what had happened at 6am i felt shocked and as if it wasn't true, as the days went by and I came to the realisation of your death I felt as though I could never be happy again. All I wanted to do was give you one last hug and to say my final good bye! You meant so much to me Dadcu, more than I think anyone will ever know! Even though you're gone I feel as though you're still looking over me and protecting me! I never realised how much I could care for someone in till you passed, I hate that I left the hospital at 8 pm on the 12th of May, I wish I stayed there in till you took your last breath. I love how you still cared for me and Tom even though you were in so much pain, you were always such a caring grandparent and you let us get away with a lot when we slept over! I want to say thank you for always letting us stay over on the Friday nights and basically ruining the lounge, one thing that I regret is not spending enough time with you, I wish I spent every minute speaking to you rather than watching the telly when we stayed over! There are so many memories that I'll nevere forget! Everytime I'm  in a shop and I see soft mints I think of you!:') sometimes when I'm eating ice cream I think of the strawberry ice cream you always had in the freezer or when I see Cadbury trifles! I've never said any of this to anyone before but I thought about it a million times! Hopefully one day I'll have the strength to say this to someone and hopefully they'll listen:) I wish you could read this right now but I know it's not possible.
Another thing was that before you died I made you a get well soon card but I never had the chance to give you the card, so to this day I've kept it, I've opened and read what I wrote in the card a few times, hoping that one day you'd be able to open the card and read it yourself! 
If anyone talks of you in a bad way I get very defensive I don't want to hear any of it but I started to realise they weren't actually being rude or mean they were actually saying in some ways you were to kind, you never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings!
I miss you so much and I know nothing will ever be able to fill that hole in my heart that I got when I lost you! One thing I can promise to you is that you'll never be forgotten and I'll always love you Dadcu! 
I 'm babbling on in this because I can and I wanted to let you know how I was feeling! I'm writing this as if I'm speaking or writing this to you but I know that could never happen which makes me even more upset!
When I think of you, all the memories come back to me, your house, Merthyr, the town, your favourite caffe! Everytime I walk past the hairdressers in Rhiwbina I think if you and the day out me, you and mum had , you getting your hair cut , running over the road to get an ice cream and then going to the derri stores to look at the plants!
I know that Paul and Huw are your sons and that you'll always love them, I just hope yu can give mum the strength to get through this!
When you passed it was a huge huge shock to me because after all the other times you pulled through operations it seemed as though this operation wouldn't be your last, I remember being terrified on the Tuesday (the day of the operation) and then I got text from mum saying you had made it and that  you were just in recovery which made me feel safe and as though you had made it! But I guess you hadn't, it's like you knew your time was coming, you were saying to me in your house about a week before the operation  to 'always work hard in school' you asked me to pass the message on to Tom, it's like you knew it was your time, it was as if that was the last thing you wanted to say to us! I look back on the day I left the hospital the last good bye I said or the last good bye you said, the last hug! I miss you every single day Dadcu! 
I'll love and miss you forever love meg!xxxxxxxx

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