I miss you so much Dad x x x x x

by Becca

My Dad died on the 24th of August 2012 at 5pm aged 52- a date and time that will be etched in my memory for ever. I have always been a Daddy's girl and I just can't believe I've lost my dad, my Dad, who was always there for me. It all happened so suddenly and I'm struggling to believe it's happened. He had an enlarged heart and suddenly became ill, we originally put it down to him working too hard but it soon transpired that his heart wasn't working properly. Initially they thought he would need a valve replaced and then on the 3rd of July they said he needed a transplant. They said he'd be a good candidate and that there shouldn't be any problems but when we got to a specialist hospital they said he was too ill. We were told he had 12 months and me, my mum and brother were heart broken. He was transferred back to our local hospital, the next morning they said he had a week and then he died the same day. We spent the day with him and were with him when he died. I don't know why I'm going into the detail - I suppose I'm trying to rationalise it. I miss him so much and it hurts to see my mum in so much pain - though she is being so strong. I just can't come to terms that he's gone, that there was nothing they could do, that it happened so quickly and that I'm not going to see him again. I think of all the things he'll miss - me and my brother getting married and having kids and him and my mum growing old together and looking after their grand children.I think about Dad all the time and I can talk about his death quick matter of factly but it's like my mind is playing tricks on me because when I start to think I'm not going to see him again and what that actually means I feel sick and I just can't cope. I'm not just sad for me and my family I'm sad for Dad too - he had so much to live for and so much to look forward to, I don't know if I believe in life after death or not, I want to but I just wish I knew for sure that he was somewhere out there in someway and that he can see me and my family and that one day I'll see him again. I love my dad so much and I'll miss him forever. Sleep tight Daddy I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Dec 09, 2012
Thank you for your comments
by: Becca

Hi Katie & Hayley, Thank you both so much for your comments. Whilst your going through something like this it's reassuring to know that other people are going through the same thing and it's nice to know my post resonates with you both. I'm sorry for both your losses. Thank you both so much again for you comments - it means a lot to me. I hope you both the best and I hope one day we'll all be with our Dads again. Becca xxxx

Dec 04, 2012
by: Hayley

Hi Becca,

I just want to say that I am sorry for your loss and that I can understand the pain that you are going through. I have read a lot of these posts and your's seems to be one that resonates with me the most, mainly because what you have written is exactly the way I feel.

I lost my Dad on 14 October 2012 at 12pm, he went to sleep and did not wake up. My Mum found him in the morning, I was on holiday and had to travel from America to the UK to be with them. Aparently he had a heart condition that the Cardiologist did not pick up 5 months before.

It's so unbelievable that our dad, our dad could be the one to go... so unfair when they have so much to live for. I find myself thinking about people who do not care about their lives and waste it away and thinking 'how is that fair'.

It's easier to be 'normal' around people now, but as soon as there is a moment by yourself or even just a moment of quiet the feelings come rushing back. Anger, sadness and all the other things that it wants to throw at you.

As Christmas approaches I find that it is getting harder. It's not going to be a good time of year and will be difficult.

I said in my post that I hoped that my Dad was still watching over me and shining from above. That way there is some solace in looking at this night sky. I think that your Dad is also up there shining brightly away.

Nov 24, 2012
I can really relate to this
by: Katie

My Dad died suddenly last week and I'm finding it very hard to accept so I thought I'd have a look online and I'm amazed to see so many people feeling like this. He had a heart valve replacement 4 years ago so I'm trying to be grateful for the extra time we nearly didn't have but we thought he'd made a good recovery then last week he went out for a pint and never came back. Massive heart attack at the bar that no-one saw coming. I'm also feeling really sad for my dad, he and my mum had so many plans, he was really looking forward to walking me down the aisle and hopefully would one day make a great grandad but its not to be, I'm sure he's somewhere watching over us but I miss him so much it hurts. It seems life can be so cruel and hopefully we'll all learn to live with the pain and make sure the memories of ours Dads live on xx

Nov 23, 2012
Thank you for your comments
by: Becca

Doreen - thank you for your heartfelt comment Doreen. I'm really sorry for the loss of your husband. Like you said in your comment it's the simple things you miss, for me it's driving home from work and seeing his van outside and knowing he's home or him saying "have a good day babes". At the moment my memories are painful as I know there won't be any new ones but I hope one day I'll be able to remember Dad and smile and not cry. It's true what you say about everyone drying up after the funeral - in a way it makes me angry, I know everyone has there own lives to live but I don't want people to forget him - I want them to remember him every day and remember what a great man he was. I hope yours and your family's grief becomes a little easier to bear. All the best to you and your family. Becca x

Debbie - Thank you for comment, I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I'm sorry you had to see your Dad suffer, my Dad was ill for a relatively short time but it was painful to see my big strong Dad slowly get weaker as I'm sure it was for you too. I know what you mean about wanting to be close to where he is - I play songs that he liked or just stare at his photo to try and feel closer to him. I too hope that I'll see my Dad too, I'm sure we will. My Dad died a couple of months before yours and whilst it is still very painful I do feel better than a month or two ago so the pain will ease, although I doubt it will ever go away. All the best to you and your family. Becca x

Nov 20, 2012
My Dad
by: Debbie UK

I have recently lost my Dad to COPD he died on the 27th October 2012. He was poorly for a long time but became worse over the last few months. I watched him dying in so much pain and I am finding it so difficult to come to terms with my loss. I feel like I want to visit his grave everyday just so that I can talk to him and be close to where he is. He was such a proud man and to watch him die with what he had and suffer so bad hurts me so much. All his children were there whilst he was dying which I know he will have taken some comfort with. I just keep hoping that one day I will see him again and keep reading about what he died with and just keep re-living the pain. I can't ever see this pain that I am feeling easing he was my dad who I loved with all my heart and cry just thinking of him. I love and miss him so much xxx

Nov 18, 2012
I miss you so much Dad xxxxxx
by: Doreen U.K.

Becca I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. You express well how I feel. I lost my husband to lung cancer 6 months ago. My 3 Adult children lost a father. We never get used to losing a father. Your mum will be greatly distressed losing a husband. I can relate to this. It is the worst pain ever and the worst experience. Not being able to see that person we loved anymore and sharing the memories and a meal, and all the general conversations we had. Everyone dries up after the funeral and we are all left alone with our sorrow.
I am so glad I believe in an afterlife and I will see my husband again. But the grief is going to feel like it is going to last forever. The pain is like nothing I have ever gone through before. You need to support each other well now and see if you can move forward when you are able to .

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