I miss you so much Momma

by Margaret
(Alabama)

Mom died July 30, 2010

She was in her own home when she died just as she wanted. i wish I could of kept her in her own bed, but due to her health and breathing she needed a Hospital bed. I hope to one day redecorate our spare bed room with her bedroom suite and post a photo my Dad took of her brushing her hair in front of the dresser. This was in her younger years.

I can't focus right now on her older years as that is when she left us, She was 86 when she died. So I am focusing on her younger years and will build up to the older slower years.
she died of lung cancer even tho she never smoked. It was a fast thing and I was able to be with her the last 2-3 weeks of her life almost 24/7. That I am very thankful for.
She died in my hands with the look of her face and last breaths imprinted in my mind forever. that is the hard part that I am working on getting past right now. If I can get past that I will move on to the next stage of my life. There were some other issues surrounding her medicine just before her death. So I was to stay with her and give her her medicine and keep it on me at all times. I never thought that I couldn't trust my family.

Mom was a wonderful woman, I choose Proverbs to be preached at her funeral, I think that she would of liked that, it sounded like her, and so was the other part that is in Ecclesiastes that talks about a time for every thing; mourning, laughter and dying.

There is a time for everything on earth, and I just need to learn to listen to God and do what he wishes, not me.

That is the hard part, I need to fix my life and right now I just can't, I have to forgive family members and myself for letting her down, the Hospice group we were with was just wonderful. they did and still are offering me the best of support, but first I need to learn to say good bye to her and then work on our memories that I have of her; I will post more later.

Mom I love and miss you so much. Good night M

Comments for I miss you so much Momma

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Jun 21, 2011
miss you Mom
by: Margaret

Mom it is almost a year. this is the beginning of the end. or this was the beginning of the end.
I miss you Mom and will always remember you, you are in my heart and my mind always.
I love and miss you so much, I want to talk to you about so much.
bye Mom
Margaret

Dec 24, 2010
Christamas eve
by: Margaret

Mom we went to church tonight as I always do, you were on my mind a good bit, I am doing much better. I didn't even cry tonight at church. It was a lovely service sigh loads of beautiful music, that is what I love the most in church is the praise to God though music.
I am going to miss you greatly tomorrow and I will think of you with a smile.
I love you Mom
Margaret

Dec 04, 2010
for Margaret
by: Mari

I am so pleased you were baptized, Margaret. Luke 15:10 says that there is rejoicing in the presence of angels over one sinner who repents. Your name is written in the book of life.

Just keep on posting. You have such a wonderful attitude. Remember too that Jesus chose you. There is nothing better than that.

Healing takes time and God is beside you all the way. Take care. Mari

Dec 03, 2010
today I started seeing a councilor
by: Margaret

Mom today I started seeing Christie again, She was happy to see me and told me to be kind to myself and that she can help me though all this. I told her about all that happened and she is so reassuring. Her Husband Mark is right, she is wonderful. And I think I will feel comfortable talking with her, You remember I saw her when Jack died, she walked me though that one too. I still miss him, I know that you are both in heaven telling us to smile and be happy, but it is is just going to take a bit longer.

Poor Mark he is grieving Jack and me you, it just doesn't seem fair sometimes, I am taking Janice to a dinner at church, she enjoys things like that. I didn't do the Mother daughter thing this year because you were sick. but I will probably take her next year, I am so blessed to have a mother-in-law that loves us and is so supportive.
well time to get John ready for school, and then off to milk.

I love and miss you
Me

Dec 01, 2010
Andrea
by: Margaret

I could not of made it as far as I have without God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, My Mother was not afraid to die, and I was so blessed to find this site on the internet, I was reaching out and I believe in Acts Of God and I think he lead me here to help me heal.

I am not a good talker when it comes to pain and grief. but I can write my words and if I can help someone else that is a God thing to me. I still hurt but today I read my goodbye letter to the Hospice Chaplain and I feel like I have opened a new door to my life. I want the people I am dealing with know to know Margaret, not the lady who lost her Mother.

I promise you will make it, let all your feelings out and do it in your way. No one grieves the same. I had to do it my way, and this website has helped me more than anything in the world.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you just want to email and I would be more than happy to just "listen to your words" and all I can say is, do it your way and remember there is life at the end of that long tunnel. you will get there just give it all the time you need. with God on your side you can make it.
God bless you and hold you close.
Margaret
4mazfarms@gmail.com use this if you need it.

Dec 01, 2010
for Margaret
by: Mari

Hi Margaret. Thank you for your kind words. I am so pleased that you are being baptized. You will never regret it. Isiah 64:8 talks about Jesus being the potter and we are the clay. Jesus molds us and shapes us. Inside of you is a treasure because you are that jar of clay and Jesus is the treasure inside of you. So as you continue to grow in the word you will find the most awesome things happening to you.

Jesus said we would have sorrow. Isiah 53 says that Jesus was acquainted with grief. He died for us and uttered not a complaint.
The rewards are great.

In my own life I have found that God never lets me down. Prayers are not always answered right away because God knows when the time is right.
The day before yesterday I prayed that God would would help me with my finances as they were low and yesterday I received a check from someone who said,''This is for all you do.''

You sure are a wonderful lady. Just don't forget to pay tithe and offering. Malachi 3. I pray that first and absolutely always get blessed.
God bless you Mari

Nov 28, 2010
mari and margaret
by: andrea

Have read a lot of the comments, but yours, margaret was the one that helped me the most, and the comment of Mari. I think it is because you are Christians. My Mum was the most wonderful woman I have ever met. She was so kind and loving and always thought of others before herself. Even in the depths of dementia, she was hardly ever aggressive or nasty, all the carers who helped me look after her adored her. I was her full time caregiver for the last four years. I always knew that horrible day was coming but dreaded it.

Jesus so showed up right at the moment i needed Him most. I knew my Mum was dying and couldn't handle it so I put the God Chennel on. I have watched this many times before but have never seen a really old lady on there before being interviewed about dying. I could not believe it when it came on the screen as soon as I switched the tv on. The interviewer asked the old lady if she was afraid of dying, and the old lady beamed and said "no, because I know He is going to come and take me to a better place." If that had happened one minute later, I wouldn't have heard it as my brothers came in the room. Jesus was so present, and I was so grateful. Loved my Mum so much. It has still been really painful, so painful I still don't know how I am going to survive, I want to be with Mum now, and with Jesus as I know they are together.

Anyway, thank you for your post and for Mari's comments. Sorry for putting this on your page, but am not brave even to make my own page yet. Thanks.

Nov 21, 2010
Thanksgiving
by: Margaret

Mom today is thanksgiving at church, my favorite next to Christmas eve service. We can share our testimonies if we like and a lot of people do. I have not done so before, just can't talk in front of a large group of people. But I hope they all understand. they where there for me and all I had to do was ask. they brought loads of food to your house and visited with us as long as we needed them. they prayed for us and prayed for you a peaceful ending, and that God gave you. I know it was hard holding you and watching you die but you didn't suffer like I thought you might that I am so thankful for, and the love of your church was there too. I know you thought they didn't care, but I found out different later, they came and visited with you on your last days and yes I had Bill preach your funeral. Mom there are so many things I wish I could tell you right now and get your approval. this will be a hard Thanksgiving but I WILL survive and I WILL make it though the holidays and I will know you are watching as we grieve, I love you so much and I wish I had told you so many times more. you are and will always hold a very special spot in my heart, my tears will dry and I will move on but you will always be in my heart, thoughts and soul. Sing a song for me in heaven and I will see you soon, meet me at the gate.
Love you mom
Me

Nov 20, 2010
Saturday Market
by: Margaret

Today Mom I am going to the farmers market to sell cheese and eggs. Grandpa would want to be there. he would enjoy seeing all the farmers. How they have changed over the years.

I had lunch yesterday with the Hospice group. I do love to help Mr Phillips, baby him so to speak. it makes me feel needed. My heart just goes out to him he is so lonely. I think I am doing to ask him if he would like to meet for coffee and just talk, I would love to learn more about his Wife, he loves her so, and he needs someone to just talk too. I got two ears and I want to just listen, I can't volunteer with hospice until it has been a year. But he has been "discharged" so I don't see why I can't just listen to him on my own. I think it would be good for me too. in time I can tell him about you. and all the good and fun we had over the years.
off the work Mom.

Sing God's Praise in Heaven Mom. Forever God Is faithful, forever God is strong!!!!
I love you Mom.
Me

Nov 19, 2010
thank you Mari
by: Margaret

Thank you for your comment Mari. I loved my mother so and this is such a great way for me to express my feelings in a positive way, I am really enjoying the book from this site, I showed it to the Chaplin at the Hospice we used, they were a God send for me. The nurses and aids where just wonderful, I hope to keep in touch with them and volunteer when I am able to help others too. They have been a big help to me and I want to return the favor.
God Bless you
Margaret

Nov 19, 2010
for Margaret
by: Mari

Your posts made me cry. You sound like a wonderful person.

Your mom is with the Lord now, safe and out of pain. I am sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose someone close to you.

I was pleased to hear that you are being baptized. I myself am a Christian and active in my church. I don't know how I made it through the loss of my husband. It will be a year on the 22nt. My pastor was one of the first to arrive along with my sisters and brothers from church and family. I always say,''If you have Jesus, you have everything.''

Your mom lived to her Biblical ''mighty years.'' She sounds like the Proverbs 31 woman. I always call my mom the Proverbs 31 woman. She is starting to fail and have pain in her body.She will be a great great grandmother next month. As for the Cracker Barrel, there are none here in Calif but I went many times in NJ. I loved that place, played checkers with a lady outside where they have those tables and checker board.

You were no doubt a blessing to your mom as she was to you. You will have a grand reunion in heaven someday.

Please keep posting. God is with you and we are here for you. Take care of yourself.

Nov 18, 2010
new book and the holidays
by: Margaret

well mom we are going to go to Cracker Barrel for Thanksgiving, I know I should cook but I just don't feel up to it, and then on Friday Mark, John and I are going to go shooting in Tenn. I do enjoy that, I am going to miss you a bunch this year, but I will be able to handle it, Mark is being very supportive of my grief and giving me all I need to heal. I got the book from the website here and read almost half before I realized it. It will help me to heal a bit better and without the help of so many people, I don't like to share my grief with a lot of people because they just don't understand. I miss you Mom and I love you even more, I really like being able to talk to you though writing, I think I will keep I angry thought is my journal. some of those I don't want anyone to see or read, in fact when I read them I can't make heads nor tails of what I am trying to say, but all in all I think after the tears last Friday I feel much better, until the next set of tears.
miss you mom
Me

Nov 17, 2010
just another day Mom
by: Margaret

Well Mom today I saw another Dr. about my foot. I have an appointment with Dr. J tomorrow and I am going to talk to him about a general surgeon. these plastic surgeons are nuts...with a big N. If he can't help then I am going to just wait out the year and it will heal with time, wish I could talk to you more and show you my foot, I know you would be worried and I could show you, so I know you will not worry now, you will watch over me and make sure I keep it clean and dressed. It is doing really good, don't know why the Dr.'s are making such a fuss over it. A simple surgery and it would heal in about a month, I guess they think that if I milk cows and work on a farm I must not have good sense.

Just a silly farm girl, well this silly farm girl showed the Dr. today, he kept me waiting for almost 2 hours and then talked down to me. So I just let him know that he wasted my morning when I could of been doing work and he didn't like it too much when I told him that my time was as important as his...then I left.

Nov 14, 2010
good night Mom
by: Margaret

Had a great day today Mom, Jamie came to church for me to be baptized. I was so happy to see him. I miss him too.

I know he has grown and has moved on, he is happy and I know he still loves me and his Dad and Brother. I also know that you are watching over him too. I love you ... good night Mom.

Nov 14, 2010
11/14/2010
by: Margaret

Today Mom I am starting over, I am going to begin my life with God anew, I will be re-baptized today at Church, sometimes when things are just too much to handle I need to just start over again, your death has brought me to a new life and a growing love for God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I know you will be there with us today and I will be able to confirm to my church and the Lord that I am giving my life to him and only him. I love you Mom...Me

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