I miss you so much Momma
by Margaret
She was in her own home when she died just as she wanted. i wish I could of kept her in her own bed, but due to her health and breathing she needed a Hospital bed. I hope to one day redecorate our spare bed room with her bedroom suite and post a photo my Dad took of her brushing her hair in front of the dresser. This was in her younger years. I can't focus right now on her older years as that is when she left us, She was 86 when she died. So I am focusing on her younger years and will build up to the older slower years. she died of lung cancer even tho she never smoked. It was a fast thing and I was able to be with her the last 2-3 weeks of her life almost 24/7. That I am very thankful for. She died in my hands with the look of her face and last breaths imprinted in my mind forever. that is the hard part that I am working on getting past right now. If I can get past that I will move on to the next stage of my life. There were some other issues surrounding her medicine just before her death. So I was to stay with her and give her her medicine and keep it on me at all times. I never thought that I couldn't trust my family. Mom was a wonderful woman, I choose Proverbs to be preached at her funeral, I think that she would of liked that, it sounded like her, and so was the other part that is in Ecclesiastes that talks about a time for every thing; mourning, laughter and dying. There is a time for everything on earth, and I just need to learn to listen to God and do what he wishes, not me. That is the hard part, I need to fix my life and right now I just can't, I have to forgive family members and myself for letting her down, the Hospice group we were with was just wonderful. they did and still are offering me the best of support, but first I need to learn to say good bye to her and then work on our memories that I have of her; I will post more later. Mom I love and miss you so much. Good night M
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