I need hope!!! Will it ever get better?

by Kassi Perez
(Denton, Tx)

This is my handsome brother with his beautiful little girl. This was taken about a year before his accident. I love him and miss him so much

This is my handsome brother with his beautiful little girl. This was taken about a year before his accident. I love him and miss him so much

I lost my brother September 29,2011. He wrecked his car on his way to work and my whole family is just not the same. I feel guilt CONSTANTLY! and about everything!! I'm really broken. Things have gotten way better than they were that first month but I'm still struggling. I use to be super outgoing and now I can't even talk to people I know without worrying! I sit at my apartment and never see anybody but my family (occasionally). I still do little things but not much. I've stopped crying every single day but I still feel such a heaviness on my heart that holds me back. I miss my brother so much. I've accepted hes in heaven now but I just cant get over it. I want him back. Now. I don't know if its normal to be pushing myself away from people. I don't know if it'll get better. I just really need an honest description of how life is 5+ years after death of a brother. I'm so hopeless feeling. Please somebody tell me how it is later on...

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Jul 04, 2012
Mother in pain
by: RN

The pain in your heart will always be there, he was part of your being. It’s almost likes losing a part of your body. I know this because I lost of my only child, when he was 39. He was everything to me and I miss him every moment of the day, I’m not as lucky as you, I was not given a gift of a grandchild. When I’m alone I feel lifeless and filled with pain. The constant isolate is only good in small quantity. I make myself deal with people just to get a few moments of relief from the pain and emptiness that I feel when I’m alone. My family has been instrument in getting me through the dark days. We talk about my son constantly and how everyone loved him. This brings some joy to my heart. The prior writer was correct, your brother left you a precious gift, your nice. She is part of your brother. Give her the love and care she needs, she is also grieving. Your brother needs you to do this for him. It is important for you to surround yourself with the people who know what you are going through. They are also in such pain. I didn’t realize this until I spoke to my family, now I understand their pain is as great as mine. You need to help them as they want to help you.

Jul 01, 2012
I need hope. Will it ever get better
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Kassi Perez
I am sorry for the loss of your brother. You are pushing people away from you because you are grieving. This is very painfull. You need to grieve and let the pain out or it will destroy you. It is a natural response when you lose someone. The pain is unbearable. We all go through it. No one can tell you what it is like 5+ years from now as every grief is different. We all have different life experiences and will not grieve in the same way as someone else. Some people get over grief quickly. Other's take years. There is no time limit on grieving. We all grieve at different times and not all at once. this happens in stages. You may be in a place where you don't want to cry. This will happen. One thing for sure is that every time you cry or express pain you are also healing. this is why no one can tell you when it will get better. All we can say is THAT IT WILL GET BETTER IN TIME. If you get stuck in grief your recovery will be longer. Some people go to a bereavement counsellor to assist them with grieving. It is not wrong or anything to be ashamed by needing support from a counsellor. I hope that in the days ahead you will learn to cope with your feelings of grief and that you will feel better in time.

Jul 01, 2012
It Does Get Better
by: TrishJ

Kassi~It is very easy to push ourselves away from people who don't understand. Nobody "get it" until it happens to them.
I lost my little brother many years ago. He left behind a 4 year old son. Sean is now 29 years old. His life was greatly impacted by his father's death. He felt is absence every day and still does.
Your life will never be the same so please don't expect it to be. You need to concentrate on keeping your brother's memory alive in his beautiful little daughter. She needs that from you. She will want to hear all the stories about when you were both children. She needs to know that he will always love her and he is proud of her.
I can tell you from experience that things do get better. We become better able to live with our loss but we never get over it. It's a work in progress for the rest of our lives.
Take care ~ surround yourself with good people who understand your loss. God bless.

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