I promised my dad that I would take care of him.
I was 15 when my father passed away because of pancreatic cancer. I have been living separately from dad ever since i was born and i look forward to holidays and fridays(if i have school) to spend time with my dad.
It has been 4 years since his passing and i am feeling very depressed about it. I love him so much and even promised to take care of him once i get a decent job. Right now, it's just a wasted dreams. I am the youngest in my family of 4 sisters and i was the first to know about his condition. At that point of time, i knew things was bad. And it was the day where we were supposed to pick up the car he bought for himself a few months back. I cried infront of him like i never did and he must have felt so bad. I know it because he hugged me and said, " i will always take care of you." I never felt so scared to lose a father.
3 weeks later on April 21st, my dad was lying on the hospital bed with an oxygen mask and i told him i had to do my math homework. I was so confident that i would see him even though i knew he was scheduled to have an operation at 8pm. Little did i know, that was my last time seeing my father alive. I never had so much regrets in my life before.
4 years on, today, i am still struggling to cope over this loss. Everyday i replay the image of me saying goodbye to him to do my work and when i was woken up abruptly to find out that my dad had passed away. I struggle a lot and it is so difficult to move on. I can't even put in words about how i am feeling. Sad is just an understatement.