I Should Have Never Let You Go

by Elaine
(Columbus, OH)

A great present

A great present

I hope I get this right this time. I just tried to post and I lost everything I wrote after editing my photo. I lost my best friend 3 days after Christmas (2011). We got our beautiful collie from the humane society, 13 years and 10 months before he passed. He was supposed to be my son's birthday present on his 16th birthday, but because I was home with him during the day, he bonded to me. Needless to say, once my son left to go to college at 18, Jake thought I was his master. He followed me everywhere (even to the bathroom, I guess they call them velcro dogs) and loved to sit and just stare into my eyes. I know this dog would have given his life for me. As he aged, he his hips and hind legs stopped bending and flexing easily. At first he couldn't jump on the bed or sofa around age 11 but by the time he was 13, he had trouble raising his back from the wood floors. After a couple of accidents, my husband kept telling it was time to put him to sleep.
I didn't really want to let him go; he still liked eating and didn't seem to be in a lot of pain. But my husband insisted that he was in pain and after badgering me about it, I told him he could do what he
wanted when I was gone over Christmas to see family. When I came home I thought he wouldn't have had the hard heartedness to do it but I walked in the door and he told me Jake was gone. I can't seem to let go of the guilt because what kind of dog owner is not there when their pet is euthanized. I read all of
the blogs and I know that it would have given Jake comfort if I had
been there and held him but I was too weak and chose to bury my head in the sand and think my husband wouldn't actually do it. I can't change what has happened but I hope over time the pain will lessen.

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