I still don't believe this

by Carol , Seans mom
(Bellingham, mass)

Hello, It's Carol, Seans mom again. I still hear him. I still see him. I am horrified living in this life now. I love and miss Sean so much. I can not figure out how it is life just goes on and I have this huge hole in my heart. Sean was my oldest child and only son. Why does this happen. He was minding his own business sleeping so he could go to work. How cruel that he didn't even get to live his life. I know a big part of me died with him. My positive energy is gone. My patience with stupid comments is gone. I feel like I don't belong. I always boasted about my three children. Now I feel like someone kicked me in the head. My head throbs everyday. I never feel good anymore. I feel like I am not the mom to my girls I use to be. I know they grieve and they have to worry about their parents. Sean's dad and I aren't together but we are friendly and he struggles every day also. We are just in shock that Sean is not around. I miss everything about him! I can not accept this. I know he is gone, but I can not physically handle it. I am lost,sad,angry and confused. I feel like people already forget what we are going threw. Why did the world not stop for everyone. Don't they know my world ended. Don't they know I will never be the same.

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Mar 13, 2012
I'm right there with all of you!
by: Dee

I'm so sorry to all you wonderful mom's and your horrible suffering! I do know the pain the emptiness and disbelief! I miss my beautiful Kelly who has been gone 13 months! Only 25 years old and such a loving person! The pain is unbearable as sadly you all know! I think of Kelly all through the night while in and out of sleep! This can't be true but it is! I slipped into another world the moment I was told! I too was fun and outgoing! Now a part of me has shut down. I hate to go anywhere! I run to hiding spots at work almost daily crying. I'm expected to perform the same tasks at work. I hardly speak to co workers. I HAVE to speak to customers. Just going through the motions. People turn away when you're no longer the same person. Wish they knew that just makes me shut down even more! I can't explain it quite right to other people but my strong want for Kelly to be here and the anxious feeling inside me all day never goes away no matter what I'm doing! I'm here but not!

Mar 02, 2012
I still don't believe this
by: Catherine K

Dear Carol, I know exactly how you feel as I have suffered the same type of loss. I stay in the house all the time. Only go out to get food. Don't want to talk to people ( I was vey sociable before)and wake up every morning hoping it was a bad dream and my daughter and son are still here.
Then the day begins and I am without them again.

Try to go on for your other children as they need you so much. I know it is so very very hard for you and this seems as though it will go on forever but try to comfort yourself knowing that Sean is in God's hands and He will help you get through it. Do it for Sean's sake. Go to therapists so that you can pour it all out because I find it is worse when you isolate yourself and keep on thinking about the events surrounding his death.
I will be thinking about you and hoping things will soon start to feel a little better for you, as they will, with time. I speak from experience
Love and good thoughts going out to you every day.

Mar 02, 2012

Dear Carol, My heart & love goes out to you. I lost my youngest son June 22, 11. All the feelings you described in your post is exactly how I feel everyday. I do have wonderful friends, but they have absolutely no idea how I feel. How could they. I have ALWAYS been a very outgoing person. The "cruise director". Now all I can do is make it to work and come home. I feel like I am becoming agoraphobic . My eldest, & now only son I have alive is the only one that gets me. My marriage is going down the tubes. My husband is my son's step father. He doesn't have a clue, and hasn't tried.
We are lucky we have found this site. Otherwise we wouldn't have anywhere to go to realize we are not alone. With that I think we need to stay in contact. We have to be able to say how we are feeling.
XOXO April

Mar 01, 2012
I feel just the same way.
by: Karen Tasmania Australia.

Iknow what you mean people just get on with there lives now as if nothing has happend,i to miss my beautiful son Josh it has been 6months now and the worst time of my life.This i woul never wish on my worst enemy.I miss Josh all the time i cry all the time no matter where i am and i dont care what people think.He was and still is my beautiful BUBBA CAKES.Only a mother who has been through the hell we have only understands our pain and it doesnt get any better and for me it wont.So always now Carol that you can talk to me anytime you like because i am where you are now as well tascolder007@yahoo.com.au anytime.Karenxx

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