I still feel so sad
I was with my ex for 15 years. We lived together for 5. He was the love of my life and I was certain he loved me. He cheated on me and broke my heart. I was devastated and unprepared because he did not give me any signs. I wanted to die. I cried so much. Drank alcohol and took pills to numb my pain but of course that only made it worse. It is now one and a half years. I have cleaned myself up however I still feel so sad. He always said he loved me and still loves me and regrets it. I ignore his messages. I have good friends and great family. But no matter what in the end I still find myself feeling so alone and unloved. It's been so long now why can't I meet someone or just feel better? Some days I wish I was dead. I feel I have no purpose. I am also at a time in my life that all my friends are married and have kids. I am the only one alone. It saddens me so much to think that i may be alone forever. I am also saddened by the fact that so many people go through this and have felt or feel this pain. I sacrificed and gave up so much for him. I still think about it every day. I just want the sadness and loneliness to go away. I get so angry at times because I feel like I am being punished. I hate that I feel this way. I don't like to talk to my friends anymore about it because its been so long that I feel so ashamed. I feel like a loser in every way. I think I would be better off dead. I have tried to go out and went on trips and continued with my life but at times I felt good but ultimately in the end I always find myself back in the same spot. Sad, angry, scared, and feeling sorry for myself. I can't make the pain go away. I cannot be fixed.