I still feel so sad

I was with my ex for 15 years. We lived together for 5. He was the love of my life and I was certain he loved me. He cheated on me and broke my heart. I was devastated and unprepared because he did not give me any signs. I wanted to die. I cried so much. Drank alcohol and took pills to numb my pain but of course that only made it worse. It is now one and a half years. I have cleaned myself up however I still feel so sad. He always said he loved me and still loves me and regrets it. I ignore his messages. I have good friends and great family. But no matter what in the end I still find myself feeling so alone and unloved. It's been so long now why can't I meet someone or just feel better? Some days I wish I was dead. I feel I have no purpose. I am also at a time in my life that all my friends are married and have kids. I am the only one alone. It saddens me so much to think that i may be alone forever. I am also saddened by the fact that so many people go through this and have felt or feel this pain. I sacrificed and gave up so much for him. I still think about it every day. I just want the sadness and loneliness to go away. I get so angry at times because I feel like I am being punished. I hate that I feel this way. I don't like to talk to my friends anymore about it because its been so long that I feel so ashamed. I feel like a loser in every way. I think I would be better off dead. I have tried to go out and went on trips and continued with my life but at times I felt good but ultimately in the end I always find myself back in the same spot. Sad, angry, scared, and feeling sorry for myself. I can't make the pain go away. I cannot be fixed.

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Oct 02, 2013
I still feel so sad
by: Anonymous

I too once felt like you feel. The circumstances were different but the bottom line is i was alone and feeling so sorry for myself there wasn't any room for anyone else to feel sorry for me, if you know what i mean. One day as i was reading the newspaper i came across the personal ads. I thought why not try to meet someone, why spend the rest of my life alone. So i took the first step and answered a few of them. In the process i met my husband of 12 years. I'm not saying this is for everyone, but today there are many websites available to meet someone. But what i am really saying is you have to take that first step to help yourself and once you do you will feel better, knowing you have at least made an effort. Just don't give up because you never know what the future will bring. It could be something wonderful for you.

Sep 30, 2013
Thank you everyone
by: Anonymous

Thank you to everyone who commented on my post. I feel for all of you that experience some type of pain related to mine. It helps to know I'm not alone. I can only hope that I can find true happiness and not let this experience ruin me but it's hard when you feel so alone inside. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Sep 27, 2013
still sad
by: Jolynn

I understand what you are expressing. This man , by his leaving, took with him, your pride, life, security and self esteem. I am just going to throw this out there but did you have a poor relationship with your father? I ask because I did and I wrapped my needs up in my partner as a result. When he left, it wasn't just a loss, it was abandonment that went far deeper, way back to my core relationship when my dad left me as a little girl.
You are suffering from low self esteem and have little self-worth because you were so wrapped up in him His leaving reinforced a feeling in you that you are no good. I think u need to try to let that go and realize how valuable a person you really are. Drinking and drugs are understandable as they are used to self-medicate, to balance out our chemistry but they also hinder and delay grief so when you stop them, the grief swoops down on you. A private grief counselor may help you. I see one as my 26 yr old son died one year ago. He was an officer in the Marines training to fly jets. The loss is excruciating. e-mail me if you'd like Bokmns@PacBell.net. Talking about your loss and getting it out will help. Keeping a journal may help. I write letters to my son. Maybe that would help if you wrote to him and told him off! Got really down and nasty! Then rip the letter up. Maybe you could release some tension. You feel worthless because you feel rejected but try not to let this one man have that much control over your dear life. Is he really worth your breaking?
Please take care of yourself. Let me know if your father was an issue in your life. If you can see clearly where this is all coming from...you can begin to heal.
Jolynn

Sep 23, 2013
Love Yourself
by: Anonymous

I have been there. It was only my the grace of God that I am here today. If you believe in the power of prayer; ask God to take the pain away.

You need to learn how to love yourself. Get rid of the angry and let it go. Move on.. There is so much to to.


Sep 23, 2013
I still feel so sad
by: Doreen

Anonymous You say you are feeling the same way of sadness and you have been this way for 2.5yrs. and nothing has changed. You request prayer. Often God wants us to help ourselves and we don't know how. He then puts people our way to help show us how to get out of the plight we are in. For me I was stuck in grief. I took myself off late in life to counselling and grieved my losses. I realised I was stuck in grief. thinking forgiveness was my problem I struggled and struggled to forgive then didn't know who I had to forgive for what because it was all repressed and tangled up.
My counsellor untangled it and as I saw clearly forgiveness was not the issue. hurts evaporated and never bothered me again. I spent 40yrs. with depression and this left me and never returned. God did help me. He sent me the best psychologist/counsellor who gave me back my life. I now devote my time to helping others like yourself find your way back into life. Don't limit your life. Don't get stuck in your misery and keep passing it to God. Look for what God is teaching you through your life experiences.
All our experiences teach us and we learn and become stronger. Just don't resist everything as punishment and "Why am I going through this". Look for ways to get yourself into a happier frame of mind. Nurture yourself and you will start to feel better. Pray often and give yourself to worthwhile causes you will be developing yourself into a happier person. you may then attract someone into your life. Maturity does help also in life. Ask God for Wisdom. you will then find your way back into life and your days will be brighter. Best wishes.

Sep 23, 2013
I still feel so sad
by: Doreen

First thing you have to do is reverse all the negative feelings you have expressed into positive ones. e.g. I want to live. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I can find someone one day who loves me for who I am. etc.
Your loss of relationship doesn't DEFINE who you are. You DEFINE who you are by structuring your life how you want. Don't spend time grieving over a man who gave you up and regrets it. Start by doing at least one good thing for yourself each day. Build on this each day till you build up your self esteem and feel happier. Keep doing this all the time. This is called NURTURING yourself. You will soon start to take on a more positive mind set and feel better about yourself and life. Build yourself and your life up gradually. You will one day meet someone else. You will be preparing yourself to meet someone who will be attracted by your positive mind and happiness to life. Who wouldn't want to be with you? Develop yourself and the rest will follow. You will find it easier to build up your life again. Write out all the negative feelings and then put them through a shredder. Write a new contract for yourself. Remember we write our own contracts. What will yours say about you??. Look forwards, and upwards. Best wishes.

Sep 22, 2013
it is all , unfortunately, normal
by: b

many years ago I went through a divorce that was so incredibly painful that I wondered how I would survive. when the person that had said she loved me told me she no longer wanted to be married, I fought harder than I had ever fought to stay with her. it didn't make a difference of course and in the end I was alone, with a handful of friends, most of which were too close to the situation to really help, and in tremendous pain. every day was spent forcing myself to walk one foot in front of the other just to get by. I never thought I would feel better. i finally realized that whatever I was before was gone and that I would allow myself to just accept what was happening around me, be the best human being I can be and just keep moving forward. when I did that the sorrow got a little lighter and eventually I was able to start dating again to the point that I was able to bring a beautiful daughter into this world. at seventeen she Is a truly remarkable young woman and ,as her dad, I am very, very proud of her. as painful as the present is, the future is still an unknown

Sep 21, 2013
Forgiveness
by: Denise

I have gone through a very bad break up myself recently with a man I thought I was going to marry. I found forgiveness, in stages, very helpful to me. Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison, thinking that the other person will die.

I found this short article by Deepak Chopra was helpful. He also has meditations on Miraculous Relationships you can get from his site that you may like. Also, Joyce Meyer has many teachings on the power of forgivness on her website. I hope these words bring you comfort...

Miraculous Forgiveness

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” —Confucius

Today our meditation and discussion focus on the gifts of forgiveness. If we want to experience loving, life-long relationships, we need to be able to let go of grievances, hostility, and anger. These feelings keep us mired in the past and weighed down with emotional pain. Ultimately, forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. It is an act of grace that restores the memory of wholeness.

It’s important to remember that forgiving is different from condoning an action that created pain for us or for others. Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries and are an important part of loving and honoring ourselves and each other. We can practice forgiveness even when we have chosen to discontinue a relationship due to unacceptable behavior.

Sometimes we have to forgive someone many times before we finally let go of all the emotional residue of the past. Once we take steps to restore peace in our heart, we will feel a shift. We will feel lighter as we expand our capacity for love, compassion, and healing.

Mindful Moment

Is there someone in your life you that you have not forgiven? In many cases, the person we most need to forgive is ourselves. Today have the intention to practice forgiveness. Encourage even the slightest hints of forgiveness, release, and compassion. If feelings of hurt and anger arise, tell yourself, I am willing to see this situation with love. I am willing to let go. Be gentle and patient with yourself as you hold the intention to heal and forgive.

Forgiveness is for me; forgiveness sets me free.

Sep 21, 2013
My love
by: Anonymous

I LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE A YEAR AGO FROM LUNG CANCER HE WAS ONLY 40. EVERYDAY FOR ME IS A STRUGGLE. I WANT HIM BACK..
SEPT 25 WOULD HAVE BEEN 15 YRS MARRIED.

Sep 21, 2013
PLEASE STOP
by: Judith in California

A PERSON WHO YOU KNOW LOVED YOU DOES NOT LEAVE SOMEONE WITH A FEELING OF TOTAL DEVASTATION. YOU NEED TO GET SOME THERAPY AND FIND OUT YOU ARE A WORTHWILE PERSON . YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A PART OF A COUPLE TO FEEL SELFWORTHY OF CONTENTMENT AND PEACEFULNESS IN YOUR LIFE. THAT GUY DOESN'T GET TO DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. WHEN YOU BEGIN TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF THEN SOMEONE WILL COME INTO YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE SENDING OFF VIBES OF SELF PITY. PLEASE STOP WITH ALL THE NEGATIVE SELF TALK. THERE'S PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO THEM . VOLUNTEER AT A CARE FACILITY AND TALK WITH THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN YOU. YOU MUST BE SO YOUNG AS TO NOT REALIZE THAT YOU MAKE THE RULES FOR YOUR LIFE. IF YOU CHOSE TO TAKE A CHEATER BACK THEN YOU'RE LETTING HIM KNOW IT'S OKAY. SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND CONTINUE TO NOT RESPOND TO HIS MESSAGES. YOU AND "J" NEED TO BOTH STOP THE MISERY LOVES COMPANY GROUP. THERE ARE THOSE OF US ON THIS SITE WHO HAVE LOST OUR SPOUSES TO DEATH AND YET WE CONTINUE ON IN SPITE OF IT.
SO YOU CAN BE A PART OF A FEEL MISERABLE CLUB OR GET GOING AND SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF AND STOP THINKING A MAN WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.

Sep 21, 2013
J
by: Anonymous

I feel the same way every day. I wish this pain would go away. I can't seem to move forward or forget the past. I wish there was something I could do to help my pain but no matter what I always come back to feeling the same way and it's been 2.5 years. I'm so afraid of the holidays coming that's always the hardest part. Please pray for us someone. Please God help our pain. I hope you feel a little better knowing I'm out here too with so much pain and praying for you.
Love
J

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