I still miss my husband so much

by Lisa

I'm so sorry for everyone on here that has lost a loved one. I have lost so many family members.....A Brother, A Grandmother, Both Parents, A Stepfather and many, many friends and I'm only 50 years old but even combining them all the worst was my husband that I was with for 25 years. My husband and I had a 19 year age difference but we were perfect together. He was everything to me. He was my rock. It's been 10 years and it's something I will never get over. He went to work 2 weeks before Christmas and was killed when a tractor trailer truck hit our minivan. I had just spoke with him 15 minutes before and he was so happy he had made a big sale and said "Santa is bringing Xmas money home." He was airlifted to a trauma center while I was out looking for him. I just knew something was wrong when I couldn't reach him and by the time I found out and got to the hospital, he was gone and the nurse said the Drs. did all they could. I never got to speak to a Dr. and they couldn't find a Priest for me. He was my life. It's strange that I handled everything
the bills, the house, our son, even checking the oil in the cars. Everyone told me that if he had lost me he would not know what to do because I spoiled him :-) but when I lost him I didn't know what to do. I just couldn't function. I've had four friends lose their husbands after I lost mine and within a year or two they are doing fine. I'm happy for them but a little sad that it's been ten years for me and I'm still struggling. The one thing I will never forget is our last words on the phone were I love you. We always said that before we hung up. He was the best husband anyone could ask for and I look forward to being with him again one day. Keep the memories of your loved one close to your heart and as I tell everyone....Never take a loved one for granted and think they will always be there because you never know if they will still be here in the next hour, day or week. Hold on tight and let them know how much they mean to you. God Bless.

Comments for I still miss my husband so much

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Apr 16, 2014
by: Anonymous

Lisa I am so sorry for your loss. I recently loss the love of my life on March 14, 2014. We had just spoke and said I love you and I told him to please be safe at 8:42 pm, my husband died in a motorcycle accident at 9:05 pm. I am devastated we've been together since I was 17 and we have 3 beautiful children together. Everyone says it will get better in time. At this very moment I don't foresee that happening anytime soon. He's the love of my life for the last 20 years and now he's gone, I'm trying to be strong for our children. Its a minute by minute struggle. I pray that by faith we will learn to cope and del.

Mar 21, 2014
Im a widow too
by: Michelle

Hey Lisa, Im sorry for your loss, I lost my Love Dec, 13th 2013, we had been married 19 yrs, we had been together 21 years, We raised 5 children and have 6 grands, He was coming home from work, and had a heart attack, we had talked a hour before, and we did get to say I love you, he said he would be home soon, he never came home, I cry everyday and I have been so sad, my heart is broken, I loved him so much, he was always my protector and my best friend, we had so many plans for the future to grow old together, im completely lost and scared like a child, i don't want to go many places or be around a lot of people im just here. I am praying for you and me and every other person who has had to go through this.

Mar 11, 2014
I still miss my husband so much
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear Lisa,
Your words ring true for all of us. It will be 3 years for me on the 27th of June that I lost my husband of 46 years to a massive heart attack. I go to breakfast with other widows from my church, on Sunday. One lady has been a widow for 20 years. She says the longer they are gone, the more we miss them. I am finding that out to be true for me also. I truly feel our recovery from our grief does have a lot to do with the kind of relationship we had with our spouses. They all took a part of us with them when they died; a part of us died also. We may look like the same person on the outside, but inside we have changed.
A dear friend of mine from high school sent me this after my husband died. Her husband died on Christmas Eve, 6 months before mine. It says" When we lose someone we love, we never quite get over it, we just slowly learn how to go on without them, always keeping them tucked safely in our heart". I printed it up and put it in a frame. I look at it and read it often. Our life is forever changed, but as crazy as it feels sometimes, we do go on.
My husband and I would be married 49 years this June 26th. His oldest brother and his wife will be celebrating 50 years of marriage on July 25th. That celebration will be a little sad for me, but yet, unfortunately, I belong to a club of many others who didn't make it to 50 years of marriage, due to death. All we have now are our memories and we all cherish them. We also are waiting for the day we join them. We will truly be happy again, together. But I do know my loving God is guiding me and always at my side. Gods Blessings and Guidance to everyone on this site.

Mar 09, 2014
I so miss Mike....2 years
by: June

Lisa, I feel the same as you. My husband of 42 years passed away March 8, 2012, I miss him more today and it is getting worse. No one can understand how we feel until they have gone through it themselves. The first anniversary of his death I had a dinner for family and a friend. This year I decided I didn't want to celebrate his death (at least that's what it felt like to me).
I don't like this life without Mike but there isn't much I can do about it. I keep busy and I do have a circle of friends (they all have their husbands) I am close to. I just hope I will be a help to them when this terrible thing happens to them. I try and keep positive and don't want my children and grandchildren to be worried about me.
This web site is a help. Thinking of you and everyone else who is on this journey.

Mar 09, 2014
Anonymous in Australia
by: Lisa

I'm so sorry. Almost four months. I remember that. It just kept getting more real and everyone had gone back to live their lives which I know they have to do but it hurts when you need support and nobody is there to give it. I remember sitting in a parking lot after just driving around about a month later and calling my ex-best friend crying asking if I could come over but she was busy. Hence ex-best friend. I was there for her more when she lost her dog and I love dogs, I have five rescues but she couldn't be bothered. You can explain what you're going through but nobody understands until they go through it and then they get it. I have someone now that lost their husband and she's been a wreck for over a year but when I called her crying. She was very stern telling me I have to just deal with it. She's not dealing with it so I just think remember what you told me but I still try to be supportive.
The loneliness is unbearable and nobody gets it until it happens to them.
My heart bleeds for you too. God Bless.

Mar 08, 2014
To Doreen in UK
by: Lisa

To Doreen in UK
I'm very sorry for your loss. It had to be horrible to watch him be so sick.You spoke of Christmas. I haven't been able to put up a tree or decorate since. I keep saying next year but it never happens. I understand what you're saying about the reminders like the IRS sending you letters. That's horrible. You should be able to notify them one time and be done with it but Ten years years later and I'm still getting junk mail or solicitor calls asking for him.
You're so right about how we all differ in our bonding from all the things that have happened in our lives before and after. I went to his grave every single day for a year, I never missed a single day. I just couldn't accept it was real. I would just go there in the middle of the night and sit in my car just to feel closer. I've been hurt so much that I just can't trust anyone now. I was never like that before. I try not to compare myself to my widow friends but I guess since it was such a shock when I lost him that I couldn't think straight and people took advantage of that. I see that now but I can't change it or get back what they took.
I'm going to look for that song you mentioned. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for writing and you will be in my prayers. God Bless, Lisa

Mar 08, 2014
To Lisa
by: Anonymous, Australia

I feel for you Lisa and understand your pain. My grief is still raw. My partner of 20 years died suddenly 15 weeks ago today. I was not there when he died and was unable to say goodbye. I have lost both parents and a sister suddenly 12 years ago, but nothing prepared me for the pain of losing my soulmate. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. And yes, it's sad that those who are there for you in the first few weeks disappear back into their happy normal lives, leaving those of us who are grieving, to be the ones who have to reach out when we are in pain. I would probably have more support if I had a broken leg, and not a broken heart. Only those of us who have lost our spouse/soulmate can know the despair this loss has inflicted upon us. It's so lonely even when we are surrounded by people. My heart bleeds for us all. xxx

Mar 08, 2014
To Anonymous in MI
by: Lisa

I'm so sorry for your loss. Wow, 43 years. That's a long time. I can only imagine how your life has changed too.
I'm glad you understand that everyone has a grieving period and none are the same. Sometimes I feel like people are thinking.....It's been ten years, Get over it. I'll never get over it and I won't apologize to anyone for that. I tried a little therapy but it didn't help. I was in perfect health when he was here but I just shut down when I lost him so I'm trying to work on getting healthy again. My son got married a couple years ago and has started a family and I'm happy for him but I kind of feel like I've lost him in a way too now that he doesn't live home anymore.
I hope you have support from your Children and Grandchildren. That makes a lot of difference. I've often been asked is it harder to lose someone that you know is sick and you can prepare as well as you can in that situation or if it's a sudden and unexpected loss. I can only speak of the sudden loss as far as my husband but I really can't even answer that. I wouldn't have wanted to watch him suffer a long time but the shock of an unexpected death I can say is horrible. You will be in my prayers. God Bless, Lisa

Mar 08, 2014
To Dave
by: Lisa

I'm very sorry for your loss. I can so relate to the alone comment you made. I'm not physically alone but I might as well be. Nobody not even our son understands what this has done to me. It changed everything. I always thought I would have support from a lot of people but after the funeral most have just gone on with their lives which I understand they have to live their lives but I know I would have supported them more than a couple of days. It's really changed the way I feel about people, the way I trust people. It's just changed everything. It's changed me and I don't like it but I guess it is what it is. I guess it's like the old saying.....Nobody understands what you are going through until it happens to them. Well I understand what you are going through and we don't know each other but I will pray for you so please know that someone is thinking of you and hoping you can find a way to go on.
God Bless, Lisa

Mar 08, 2014
I still miss my husband so much
by: Doreen UK

Lisa I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved husband to a sudden death at the worst time of the year. Christmas is the worst time of the year to lose a loved one. Like you I have lost other family members but none worse than losing my beloved husband of 44yrs. He had lung cancer caused by working with asbestos and He died 22 months ago. My husband worked away from home a lot and throughout his 47yrs. working Life I held the Fort and brought up 3 children. I knew how to manage the home and even do all the decorating etc. My husband said to me when he was dying of cancer that he couldn't have coped with what I did. But he still didn't want to die. He died a horrible painful death. So sad to watch. If you feel that you are still struggling after 10yrs. you may be stuck in grief and could benefit from grief counselling. You will never get over losing your husband you just learn to live without him with less pain.
Don't compare yourself to your friends and how they are coping after one year. and DON'T LET ANYONE HOLD THIS TIME AGAINST YOU. We each have different bonding and life histories that affect our grief. I went into counselling in my 40's and resolved my losses with a psychologist/counsellor and was able to grief better when I lost my husband.
I am also so surprised at handling the whole funeral arrangements and tying up his Administration. My biggest bugbear is when the IRS send letters about my husband's taxes. I have to fill in the forms and let them know he is not alive anymore for this to be an issue. They don't get it. The letters keep coming and if I don't fill in the forms I will be charged a penalty fee regardless. LONLINESS HURTS as much as the LOSS. WE were created by God to be in relationship so living alone will hurt. We can't survive well in isolation. This is what I need to change when I am able to. But I don't want another man in my life. My husband was my first love and my last. This was my song to him from when we married. "My world begins and ends with you." By Sonny James. I hope you get the support you need to be able to live with less pain from your recovery from grief.

Mar 07, 2014
So sorry
by: Dave

I too am sorry for your loss. It has been 10 months, Mothers Day 2013 that I lost my Dolores to a 2 year battle with cancer. We went through so many deaths while we were together, 12 years, as you have. Her mother,, father, step father, uncle, friend, and the one that hurt her the most, her son.. She died inside that day and I understand now because I died when she left me. I have been alone since her passing, no help from anyone, and I am just waiting to get to go home to be with her again. I miss her more an more everyday. Nobody seems to understand that it is not a passing phase, I Love Her and her not being with me Hurts so much. It is the stupid little things I did for her that seem to pop up an remind me of her the most. God Bless you, they Are With Us, and we will be together again.
My heart is with you-

Mar 07, 2014
miss my husband
by: Anonymous--MI

Lisa, I am so sad for you and for myself in loosing our husbands to sudden deaths. You sound like such a loving and dedicated wife; you and your husband were very happy I can tell. My husband died of SCA almost 16 months ago. When he left that morning little did I realize that my life, my grown children and grandchildren's lives would all be forever damaged and saddened when we lost him. I am still so deep in grief; there is no time table for healing and each of us must do that in our own way and in our own time. I miss my husband more now than I did the first year; it seems to hurt more each day. I have had grief counseling and it did help in some ways but my heart is forever broken and I will never stop loving and missing my husband. we were married for 43 wonderful years; he was my first love and only love. I look forward to heaven because I know God has created a place of no tears or pain or sorrow; all will be perfect while we worship Jesus, Our Savior and I will be with my husband again. Whatever way God has planned for our reunion is going to be perfect......that is what keeps me going. Lisa, God bless you and keep you in His love and grace.

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