I Thought it Would Last Forever-3

by Hannah

Josh & I at a Ranger's baseball game last summer

Josh & I at a Ranger's baseball game last summer

Josh and I had been together for 3 1/2 years. We were planning on getting married & having children together. He was 19; I 18. We were both attending college when he died on October 29, 2009. He had a late class that night on another campus, so I was just waiting in my dorm for him to get back. He was out of class, and we were texting. The last text he sent me was "It's raining so hard." Right then I should have called him, told him to buckle up, slow down, pull over, something!! But, I didn't.

About 30 minutes later I asked when he was going to come over....no response. I called....no answer. I sat straight up in bed, and started crying! Something came over me, and I knew something wasn't right. My roommate and best friend, Sarah, was trying to calm me down, but it wasn't working.

My mom didn't want me out in the weather looking for him, but that didn't stop me. One of Josh's friends, Jason, Sarah, (the driver of the vehicle girl friend) Amanda, and myself all got in Jason's truck to look for them. It seemed like we were driving down the interstate for hours, but in reality it had only been about 20 minutes.

My mom was trying to contact police, hospitals, anyone to find out if there had been a wreck with 3 boys involved, and she wasn't getting anywhere.
I was too scared to call Josh's mom, Carla, but I knew I had to. I called Carla, and told her what was going on. She sounded so calm, but I knew she wasn't.

We finally found out that there had been a wreck with 3 boys, and a white ford truck. Panic began to settle in! We found the hospital that all 3 boys were "supposed" to be in. As we were pulling into the parking lot, my phone rang.
It was Josh's dad, Bruce.

Me: Hello
Bruce(crying): I'm sorry baby, he didn't make it.
I dropped the phone screaming NOOOOO, noooo!! I was frantically trying to get out of the truck. I ran into the hospital bawling, and asking the nurses where he was! All they could say was, "If you're going to be loud, then you need to step out." I couldn't believe what I was hearing! So, I sat outside in the pouring rain...numb to everything.

My phone was going off like crazy! How could everyone know about this so soon?! I needed to get home, but the roads were blocked from flooding and my mom couldn't get to me. My aunt lived near by, and she finally arrived to take me away.

We were driving, and I was just staring out into the distance. I have heart disease, and they insisted on taking me to the hospital. When, I got to a different hospital my mom, step dad, and brother were there. I went into the hospital, and they gave me medicine to put me to sleep.

That was the night my whole world stopped. Now, nothing matters, I don't care about anything, and I just want all of it to go away. How is anyone supposed to move on from this?!

Comments for I Thought it Would Last Forever-3

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 14, 2010
I am 19 and just lost my Love three months ago also..
by: Amanda Howard

I feel your pain, honey. I am 19 and just lost my Love also, three months ago from today. He was only 18 and I didn't know he was doing Heroin, but he overdosed off of it. A car crash is just so sudden and unfair. I thank god I had the chance to see him, even when he was on Life Support. But what kills me is my anger towards him for putting me through this pain, that he did this to himself. I know how you feel, like nothing else matters. I was with him for almost 3 years, first and only Love. It's just so sudden, so hard, you wonder what good is to life when the greatest part about it left you. Alone. But I try to think over and over that I'll be with him again. If something so crazy and detailed as Earth has been somehow created (I'm not too religious, more spiritual) then there has to be something just as amazing after death. Something better. Stay strong and life moves on if you want it to or not. Just remember don't rush the grieving process. My family tells me to get over it and it has only been three months. But just take it day by day, even minute by minute, thought by thought.

May 28, 2010
I feel your pain
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you! Your world as you knew no longer looks or feels the same. Your world is now a surreal place where you are left alone. If you are in that place you aren't alone. I am there with you, my 19 year daughter, Amanda, just passed and the pain is gut wrenching. The only thing that keeps me going is to think that my Amanda would not want me to give up. She was in the spring of her life as your fiance was. I send you my deepest sympathy.

May 27, 2010
I understand and care
by: Anonymous

Although each situation and person is different, I hear your pain, I too lost my husband, we would have been married 25 years that year, we had 2 children in University. I know that feeling of "I thought this would last forever", I am so sorry you have to experience this at such a young age.

Josh will always be a part of your soul and you will never forget him and the love you shared, carry that with you, I hope you are still in contact with his family, keep his memory alive by talking with them and sharing funny stories and tears of how much you miss him, together you will help to ease the pain that you all are suffering.

Grief counseling certainly helped me, and I have learned to help is to heal, I volunteered in El Salvador with Habitat for Humanity 1 year after my husband died and it was very rewarding, my grief now comes in waves. Please take care of yourself, that is what he would want also, Honour Josh's Life, by keeping him alive with sharing stories and even writing a journal when you are able. These are just suggestions,that have helped me, I hope something helps a little. You and his family are in my thoughts and prayers.

May 27, 2010
by: Anonymous

Oh my god I am so sorry. I just lost someone dear to me, the pain is unbearable but you have to go on for me. I feel for you really, hold on he will be with you forever...

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!