i thought this time she was the ONE !

by barry highfield
(vancouver bc)

I have worked in the trucking industry for 13 years now long haul truck driving is very difficult for any couple I had a very bad break up 11 years ago with my oldest boys mother alot of mistakes were made by us both I have learnt from my mistakes .said to myself I will never EVER go they that again I would stay single till I die before I go they that again . until I met her this girl had a sparkle to her that would make any man proud to have her on his side . so anyway I wwalked into the company office and there she was I actually walked up to her desk and plopped down and showed her some pictures of my son but I never got on her because I just was never that way I would rather not lose a friend because I made the wrong choice so she picked me up and wow it was magical she was amazing I felt so comfortable around her right away I mean three days after we met she jumped on a plane from Vancouver to Montreal just to drive back home with me I'm speechless but here we are there was some cheating and lying I'm the beginning not me her actually and then she was pregnant and was she hormaonal wow and now our son is 16 months she go72nd and I can't keep it together if I tried she had two little girls that I love dearly and miss with every ounce of my heart I was dealing with something traumatic from my past that I had shared with her to make her feel better and when brought this up after 24 years of hiding the fact that I had been sexuly abusied for almost 2 weeks by a ex convict when I was 17 I'm 40 now by the way . I became more separated from her and our 3 kids because of the flashbacks and nightmares of opening this wound she could not help me and I was getting upset over the dumbest things and could barely get out of bed on a daily felt paralyzed pain inside was too great and didn't have anywhere to turn she kept telling me that this problem was not hers and I needed to grow up and I wasn't the only one that had things that go on I got lost she left me now have lost everybody but desperately trying to get them back I ended up at the end having to pack all of my family stuff for them so that they could leave me now I sit in my empty house wondering what has happened to my life just know deep in my heart that I never wanted them to leave and this was always the life I wanted to have I miss them dearly can't stop crying had a trip to the hospital already because I couldn't breathe from anxiety life's a mess I feel like falling deeper everyday just want them back don't know where to turn every step I take is the wrong one need them to know that I love them so much and will always care for the deeply

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Nov 06, 2014
Don't give up!
by: Doreen UK

Grief work in therapy can be HARD and PAINFUL. You may have a lot of other issues going on which to you is more significant. But you will find out that you don't need to resolve every part of your life. Only those issues that limit your life and cause you to stay in a negative cycle. Often a person cannot change their way of thinking which is why therapy CAN. It is only then that your world will suddenly change and you won't feel those painful issues stopping you from moving forward. You could perhaps wake up one day and find your whole world has changed and you feel different and those issues that hurt you will just evaporate and not bother you again.
It is the changes in life that is going to help you make different choices and be able to let go of those who don't matter. Family may abandon you. But you will find your happiness in other people who are kind and supportive and will walk on this journey with you. You will find your inner strength.
Hope you write back and let me know how your life has changed for the better and how happy you feel now.
Best wishes.

Nov 06, 2014
i hear ya loud and clear
by: barry

it goes deeper than just sexual abuse I was malnutrition up till 9 months old fed sugar water never changed bed sites you name it under developed when I was given up for adoption and the highfields brought me back but had learning disability and struggled alot brothers and sisters would always trade me cause I'm not blood watched mason grow in his first year kinda set me back a few steps but lots to work on and I am in therapy and helps me alot to just get it out

Nov 05, 2014
I thought this time she was the ONE!
by: Doreen UK

Barry Sexual Abuse is all around us in the Media and not a secret or stigmatised as years ago. What you need to do is to go and see a psychologist/counselor for support. It is usually later in life when one has developed relationships that feelings and emotions that one didn't expect come up to the surface and can be confusing and difficult to deal with.
If you don't get the right psychologist/counselor for you try till you do.
You won't know how good you could feel till you do the VERY PAINFUL grief work which is needed to deal with this area.
I am well read on the subject. I also have worked in a Mental Health facility and understand the dynamics that people struggle with and how they interfere with relationships and happiness for so many people.
Part of the grief work in therapy is to deal with "THE CHILD WITHIN" which is wounded. and this "Inner Child" needs to be healed before the adult can emerge. You will be very amazed at how good you can feel when you have done this grief work. You may feel this grief work is not working but it does, and is the most amazing cathartic experience ever. You can read many personal stories of this area of sexual abuse in the book "THE COURAGE TO HEAL" By authors. Ellen Bass and Laura Davies. They have also written sequel books which will help you to identify sources of pain within and you can be helped to become the person you were meant to be before sexual abuse ruined your life/adult life. Many people don't realize the damage sexual abuse does to one's life and you can't just GROW UP. This is wrong advice to give you. Many people won't understand and will leave you frustrated. If you go into therapy do not give up too soon as you will miss the amazing healing experience.
It is VERY POSSIBLE to get your life back in ways you never dreamed of and become Healed and a WHOLE PERSON. You can reclaim your life and develop healthier relationships. You can feel HAPPY for the rest of your life. You will never go back to the broken man you are today. I hope it works out for you. Please write back with updates and for more support.

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