I understand the grief.
Thank you, for this website. I have stumbled across the site while working late at night from my home. I seem to pause sometimes late in the evening, after my children have gone to bed to just sit and cry. I often look on the internet to see what others may post who have gone through divorce as I have.
I am a 45 year old woman with two beautiful children. My husband divorced me 3 years ago this June. Our lives started together when I was 15 years old and he 18 years old when me met in high school. We married just shy of 6 years after we met. We were married 9 years before we decided to have children and were married just shy of 22 years when he decided to leave.
I completely agree with the sentiments described on the site about grief. I do feel that I have experienced and continue to experience the same level of grief as someone who has lost someone to death. You have no choice over someone leaving you due to death but divorce is an entirely different thing.
My husband told me on my 41st birthday that he was having an affair with a co-worker. This woman is 13 years younger than him, was married -- she married, divorced her husband and remarried him then divorced him in the end one last time for my husband.
It was a very bitter and ugly divorce. He couldn't divorce me on his own but resorted to various means of horrible behavior to get me to help him to it. It's such a shame that when your in the midst of all the shock and emotion that is thrown at you that you are not able to think clearly while in the throws of it all. Looking back now, I wish I had not been intimidated and forced to help him leave our family. I should have made him step up and do all that dirty divorce work on his own.
My husband (ex) married his affair 4 months after our divorce. He didn't tell me. He didn't tell our children. I figured it out later and he never officially told our children for 1 full year. His now wife, left her child and moved 40 minutes away to set up a new life with my husband. My children have never met her and they never want to. The destructive nature of the divorce took a definite toll.
It is so difficult to raise your children alone. The life that was supposed to be, all the plans and dreams... changed. I pictured my children coming home to us when they had children of their own. It all changes. Every single thing changes. While an adult can shoulder the hurt, it is life altering for children. To watch the pain in your child's eyes and feel the hurt they carry in their heart is crushing for a mom to watch.
I struggle everyday with the loss. The hurt stays. I have lived alone now for 4 years. Have not dated because not only is it difficult to trust, and love another. I feel I need to be very careful to set a good example for my children and what they see and are exposed to. Not everyone moves on. Some of us get stuck in grief unfortunately. It's not always your choice keeping you there.
All I am sure of about grief is this: grief just morphs, it doesn't really go away. All the canned sayings of: “things will get better”, “time heals all wounds”. ..these are not helpful to hear. Each person's grief is unique and how they move through it is also unique. Your heart and soul are forever changed... and quite honestly...all I (we) need is a friend to quietly sit with us and reach out with human touch and just hug or hold or hand for a few minutes. Watching my husband (ex) live a new life and leave this one behind ...me being very alone to work to maintain a home and raise my children ...is the most difficult thing to do