I want my mom back right now!!!

by cheryl
(quinlan texas)

My mother passed away Feb 23rd 2012, almost 2 months ago. I have looked to greiving sites for help to cope with my loss. I had a very humble and meek mother, never an unkind word to say about anyone. She got so sick for 8 months, hospital, rehab, hospital, and she was so so sick, uti, then those antibiotics gae her c diff, then heart problems, she fell and broke her collar bone, she started getting bed sores that were eating into her muscle and bone and not healing. She got to where she was not eating, and as I looked into it, I learned that at the end of life, your body no longer requires food, everything tastes bad. So we got hospice. For 3 weeks, we watched our mother starve to death. Why there is not a right to die, I do not know, hospice helps yes, and thats all there is. Why the 3 weeks suffering I do not know, it makes me sick. Because she was so kind, it hurts me bad that she suffered for 8 months, she also had a stroke during all of this, and became child like. This is very hard to accept her death, I went thru the denial, didn't seem real,I got mad at people because she died, now I am in the deep grief, I thought last week I was going nuts. I could not stop crying. Then yesterday I met a young man at the park, my sister and I were sitting in the car talking, out of the blue this guy hands us paper work on God, and we told him we were suffering the loss of our mom and had no hope at life anymore. He said we are supposed to live life in hopes of meeting Jesus one day
and go to heaven and that by the grace of God he will forgive us, and all we have to do is ask God for help and he will save us, and that its ok to mourn and cry, and we are not crazy. I think we were supposed to meet this young man, I am still very sad about mom, but I have to say I now have hope..

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Oct 21, 2014
you never get over your mother dying.
by: Anonymous

My mother died July 20 1992. I was 23. I suffer from Ptsd from it flash backs of it. I left her death bed I couldnt handle it and was in denial. I was a little girl pulling on everybodys shirts like a child I went back to age 6. Tugging and pulling my brothers shirts to make it stop.I went into complete hyper active shock. I left the house I remember got on plane went back to nj while on the plane I was hoping it would crash and only I died. I was so angry my boyfiend picked me up and I said I hope your happy.my mom and I had plans.she wanted me back home in florida with her I was leaving my cheating boyfriend and my mom said when I get back from vacation your going back to school I am paying for college and i dont care what you do but uts gotta be something. I wasnt making right decisions.she came back from vacation early was real sick. I flew down to fl asap. She died 9 weeks later. During that 9 weeks I got told by a dr that she had cancer 3 years prior. We wanted to take care of it but because she was a nurse she didnt want to go through chemo. At that point I turned livid .. I didnt want to deal with it I stayed in my old room and slept and cried and denied and wouldnt go into room to see her. Now at 45 I am starting to wanna heal when I stopped drinking I have to deal with emotions and grief I dont wanna open again.I miss that lady so much that I still get mad at her. I loved her but I guess I just didnt know how much I did ..

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ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!
Jennie

May 23, 2014
My lovely little mam
by: Carol whiteAnonymous

My lovely little mam was diagnosed with lung cancer jan 8 th 2014 , and sadly passed away march 18 th. I have three sons but i feel like i dont want to live anymore , everything is so pointles without my mam. We are best friends and soul mates and i cant stand my life without her. I am 43 and my mam was only 67, she was always so modern always looked lovley always looked so young for her age. I cant and dont want to continue my life without her.

Mar 13, 2014
consider this
by: Anonymous

simply consider that all your pain is really for naught, in fact it tortures the ones you love and miss...like a dear pet that goes through torture to see you leave it for a few days on vacation, unaware of the Truth that you'll soon be back.

your loved ones are in the next room so to speak...in Spirit, as we all truly are...we come here to learn, to learn to conquer pain, conquer hate, most of all to Love...sadly the grief you feel is wasting your precious gift of life, your own opportunity to learn...your loved ones are safe, happy, there routing for and helping you...become aware of their presence, your grief keeps you from seeing there is NO reason to grieve...you will see them again, in an instant...the same instant so quick as when you were a child, yet now grown up...they see you now, don't make them sad with your pain, feel the love...it will make them happy, and open up the magic connection that you might feel their presence...Love and Blessings

Nov 24, 2013
To angel p
by: Lynn

I can feel your sadness.
I come from a big family too
Still have do much anger for the events that week
Also youngest daughter

Nothing is the same ... Lynnt269@aol.com if you need a friend

Nov 24, 2013
Its hard. -Celine Dion. because you loved me...
by: Angel P

Here I am once again, in the bathroom.. Alone , crying. im so depressed and angry. And i feel like ending my life. Nothing is taking this pain away. My mom passed away in January 2013. She suffered from brain aneurysms & a stroke . She was only 45.. I was 20 at the time. She was in the ICU from Jan to April . & I rarely left her side. In April they decided she was well enough to move to a nursing home. Now don't get me wrong, it was a nice nursing home. Very clean & well furnished. But I was feeling some type of way about it. So I decided to stay a night. I was sooo wrong. NEVEr trust anyone in nursing homes with your loved ones. They do not care, its just another patient, another paycheck to them. So here I am 20 yrs old moved in with my mom & began taking care of her full time. ( she couldn't walk, talk, or move anything but one arm & leg) but I wasn't giving up on her. I had faith that she would walk & talk again. I put my life on hold because I loved her & wanted her to get better.. Now i'm the youngest girl. One boy under me, there's 10 of us , but only ONE would come help my dad & i. When she got the time.... We ended up going to another nursing home & her health declined rapidly. I noticed she stopped doing anything. Her g tube became infected. And she was rushed to the hospital. I went home & my dad stayed with her. The next few days went past. Her gtube was still acting up. But that next morning I received the worst phone call in my life. I could hear the pain in my fathers voice. & I already knew what happened. She passed away.. I rushed to the hospital & held her n cried like a baby. Because I am her baby. people please don't take the ones you love for granted. .. Tell them you love them. And live with no regrets.

Sep 11, 2013
I long for her do much
by: Lynnt269@aol.com

how does someone move on from having a constant unconditional love if a mother for 44 years to none.
my beloved mother left me dec 2011, I can't even type the real words or say them out loud
my heart aches with every song, bird, movie or even similar accent from RI.... I need her damn it I feel so lost in what is now a very very big world ..
all good things are less good, all holidays I want to skip, all traditions I'm done with .... my siblings I have so much anger and pain I don't want them near me
I'm so incredibly alone now... my kids are at college and the silence is torturing me

Aug 05, 2013
Sleeping Beauty
by: Raquel

Yes I felt it was my fault being a bad child and all. I was only 11 yrs old no dad no brothers or sisters. Only me and her. In Laredo Texas. B4 that we lived in la piedad michaucan Mexico. I didnt like it no showers no restrooms. So we asked my Dad to leave but he decided to stay. So we left to Laredo. My mom was so heart broken. But she couldn't take it no more that one night b4 she asked the oddest ??? (Questions) that the answer I gave her set her mind at ease. In the morning I woke up to my mom sleeping dead body. Oh my god where was this site back then. Tragic was not the word for me. Now! To have grown up into a strong women I thank her because I live for my 2 children n I wouldn't never leave them. I learned from experience. So any way I hope after 15 yrs late I want to recover my mom personnel property from the police dept. how can I do that? ANYONE

Apr 29, 2013
My mom, my best friend
by: tracey

My mother passed away three weeks ago, it has been devastating & unbelievable. She had been sick with COPD & had been in & out of rehab, but she still was making plans for the future & I had just been home for 6 nights & she was breathing better then she had in a long time. We had a nice visit, talking to 3 o'clock in the morning, holding hands, laughing,playing cards & just enjoying each others company. I left & the next day she was back in the hospital with a lung infection. The hospital sent her home & then 2 days later she was in ICU & then she was gone 1 week later. I feel the hospital was negligent in her care, burg it is too late. I Miss her so much, we talked every night & my husband doesn't understand my grief. I feel really alone without her. I don't know how I am going to live without her. I hope she gives me a sign she is o.k & will be there for me on the other side.

Mar 31, 2013
life goes on
by: Anonymous

i can feel your pain i lost my dad , but i always feel he is in a better place ^_^ً so you are not all alone there we all will feel pain some way or another i am now 22 years old so life is just starting for all of us ,we will meet them eventually. Dont worry they are in a world with no pain. hope my words will help it was from my heart . keep the Faith loved one ^_^

Dec 31, 2012
why so much pain
by: Rhonda

i lost my mom oct. 17 2011 to breast cancer. she was diagnosed in june and we lost her in oct. to make matters even more heartbreaking i had set aside my wedding plans to help care for my mom only to lose her on my 4yr anniversary with my fiance and we baried her the day of our set wedding date..Its taking me a year to even start planning again..i just dont understand Why so much pain...I lost 2 sisters before i was born and i never ever imagined my mom or my family would ever have to go through anything so devastating again.. my mom was a god fearing woman she loved life and through all the heartbreak she stayed true to her beleifs and humbled. those last few helpless feeling months were the worst thing that i have ever endured all i wanted was to just hold her and hug her and i couldnt because everythting hurt her...i will never forget the sounds of horrible shrieks of pain. up until the end i thought she was guna be ok or heeled i dont know i just cant accept that she deserved that nor did we...i miss my moms laugh her wisdom her advice her prayers...whos gunna pray for us now...i am heartbroken that i wont have pictures with my mom at my wedding..i miss her!! i shouldnt be jealous but seeing pics. of my mom with my other siblings at their weddings digs tht knife alittle deeper everytime. i just want my family to be ok..i miss u mama

Dec 10, 2012
Death is the worst kind of goodbye
by: Bryan

My mom passed just last month. November 18th. But I lost her way before then to Alzheimers. I have been in love with girls and it didn't work out. The hurt I felt seemed unbearable but it doesn't even come close to losing my mother because we didn't drift apart or slowly lose feelings for each other. She was my mother and even though she's gone now my love for her still grows with each passing moment. How is it possible to survive the passing of your mother? I miss her more intensely every day. I am not a very sensitive man but I weep for her whenever something happens that reminds me of her and there's a lot of things that do that. I am so scared because I can't even think about never seeing her again. I have to believe that there is life after death and someday I will see her again. I can't accept the alternative. I don't want to live any more if there isn't any hope of ever being with her again. It's too God awful painful. I am so sad without her and I miss her so much. Even if I find myself in a moment where I seem ok, a cold slap of guilt and reality immediately comes over me because my thoughts veered away from my mother. This is so horrible! Why does life have to be so cruel? I don't think I will ever be able to feel love ever again. I want my mom back please God....I'll do anything....anything!

Dec 01, 2012
Miss Mom
by: Anonymous

ITS 7 months today I lost my mom, my best friend in the world. WE lived together last 9 years. Prior, I spoke with her at least twice a day. WE were so like minded. WE'd shaer everything we though...SO i've lost a mom, sure. BUT i've lost so much more than that. I'd run in from an errand to tell her about the lady in front of me at checkout....or to say, hurry turn on channel 5. OR we'd watch bad xmas shows together..this is our 1st year of me watching alone. I cry so much, I dream of her often. The dreams are nice, because in them, she's alive and we are talking. but then I awaken. ..

Jun 29, 2012
6-17
by: Anonymous

it will be a year july 17th since my mom passed... it hurts... i'm too young for this.. i cant take it.. i want her back the pain is too much

Apr 24, 2012
He has spoken to both of us
by: WJB

I lost my husband of 25 years to lung cancer on March 28,2012. This was his third cancer in 17 years. Lung cancer 1994, colon cancer 1998 and this last and final re-occurance of lung cancer that was first diagnosed in April; 2010 when he was 80 and he died one month after his 82 birthday

I understand the horror you went through watching your Mom slowly starve to death and then die. That is exactly the way it happened for my husband.

Hospice was a God send.. and it made facing the end of his life.. easier on the family.. due to their providing every need possible to the patient and their family... which reduces stress of having to get the patient to doctor visits or the hospital. I was amazed at every thing they supplied.

I believe you were to be in that spot in the park.. exactly when you were. God works all things together for the good. Many times we don't understand the decision He makes.. and.. it is hard.. if not impossible not to ask.. how could you let my mother suffer so much before taking her? As I did with my husband.

I believe your Mother was an example that God used to show Himself to you through her. She was humble and meek.. and she continued to be even in suffering.. Just like Christ on the cross. God was preparing you and your famiy to hear Him calling you. Listen carefully.. because even when we are convinsed He has forsaken us..He has not.

As much as I have come to this site in the last 3 weeks.. I have never commented on a post unti l read yours. I can assure you.. God used your Mother to reach you.. He then used you.. to reach me. I so needed to be reminded of His promises to His children... and you provided what I needed to remember... He has not forsaken me either.

This is the most difficult road I have traveled so far in my life. The biggest fear I have had my entire life was having to watch someone I love
die of cancer. I am 55.. lost both of my parents within 8 months of each other when I was 22.. but. both died of massive heart attacks. It was not until now that it was meant for me to travel this path. It was just in God's plan.. I don't understand or like that it was part of His plan for me.. but.. you have also helped me remember.. the decision is God's not mine.

You are beginning on the path God wanted for you. He sent a messenger.. and you listened. You will NEVER regret it.

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