I want my mom back

by Jane
(Germany)

My Name is Jane. I live in Germany. My English is not so good. I hope you can understand my writing. My dear mom died one year ago and I am still crying every day. I miss her so much I can hardly tell. She was my mother, my best friend, she was the most important Person in my live. We had live together. When I lay in my bed and I talk to my mom I can stop crying and I wish all the time she would come back to me. My heard is crying, "Mom please come back to me." Don´t leave me alone anymore. I Need you and I love you so much. My heart has been broken when you where gone. I had lay on your chest and could not believe that you are death. Today I still can not believe it. I have the Feeling it will always hurt me. This pain belongs now to my life. Sometimes I wish I could follow her so we could be together again. I just miss my mom so much I can hardly discripe it with words. I do not know so many words in English. I wish and pray that somebody can read it and understand it. You all know how I feel. Because you have the same pain. I will pray for you all. Sometimes I can not pray anymore because I think god has left me too. Much love from Germany for all of you. Jane

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Sep 17, 2014
Unless you become like a little child you can't enter the kingdom of heaven.
by: Doreen UK

Hi Jane, I am having a lot of trouble with my computer and many posts I have sent have not gone through. I sent you a nice one and it didn't notify me so I couldn't respond. You may have got it but I didn't get my response.
First let me say that God comes down to our level. God says His kingdom is likened to a little child. This is how God wants us to be. Like a little child who needs Him and calls upon Him for all our needs. Sure YES we have to make decisions all the time like going to work to earn a living. To buy food and put a roof over our heads. God knows our every need. Call upon Him all the time. It doesn't matter how you express yourself and if your English is not good. God knows what you want to say. God loves you just the way you are no matter how you express yourself. God Be with you and Bless you mightily. I hope you get this post. Best wishes. Love Doreen

Sep 17, 2014
Hold on to Hope
by: Jane

Dear Doreen. Thank you for your helpfull answer. I hope, wish and pray that you feeling better. You are right, than you write, often life doesn´t make sense. But real often after a few weeks, months even after years it makes a "click" in your head, and I have got the sense, why this or that happend to me. And something you`ll understand when you be death. It is pretty hard as a human being to understand God´s plan all the time. And sometimes I am stubbern and do not listen inside my heart, and just do it my stubbern way, and than I get a broken result and what do I say? "God, why do you do this to me?"Even it is my one falt. Sometimes than something good happens in my life, I adapted me to think, " well, wasn´t I good!" Instad of thanking God for his great and gorgies help. I am still so much human beeing and have to learn a lot from God and how to go his way. Even I am making so many mistakes, he still loves me.Sometimes I think, that God is thinking, "oh my dear little Jane, why don´t you listen to me." Well God, I am here on earth, and you cannot live here when you just love every Body. Just come down here for a while God, and you will see, you have to be healthy , so you can go to work and get Money. Here on earth God, you just cannot live without it. If you a hungry you need money, if you want to have a Roof over your head you need money. God, only with Love I don´t get all these things not here on earth. Please God, try to understand me a little bit and I will try my best to understand you. Doreen, that´s the way how I talk with God. Maybe you have to laugh but God is my friend and I tell him every thing. Now I go day by day and let God works as long I have no power. I hope he is doing a better Job than I did. God, please help Doreen, she needs your help real badly. Yes, it sounds selfish I know, we all here need Doreens help, and we all love her, and you love her too. So just do something God. Please. Your Jane

Sep 17, 2014
Hold on to Hope
by: Jane

Dear Doreen. Thank you for your helpfull answer. I hope, wish and pray that you feeling better. You are right, than you write, often life doesn´t make sense. But real often after a few weeks, months even after years it makes a "click" in your head, and I have got the sense, why this or that happend to me. And something you`ll understand when you be death. It is pretty hard as a human being to understand God´s plan all the time. And sometimes I am stubbern and do not listen inside my heart, and just do it my stubbern way, and than I get a broken result and what do I say? "God, why do you do this to me?"Even it is my one falt. Sometimes than something good happens in my life, I adapted me to think, " well, wasn´t I good!" Instad of thanking God for his great and gorgies help. I am still so much human beeing and have to learn a lot from God and how to go his way. Even I am making so many mistakes, he still loves me.Sometimes I think, that God is thinking, "oh my dear little Jane, why don´t you listen to me." Well God, I am here on earth, and you cannot live here when you just love every Body. Just come down here for a while God, and you will see, you have to be healthy , so you can go to work and get Money. Here on earth God, you just cannot live without it. If you a hungry you need money, if you want to have a Roof over your head you need money. God, only with Love I don´t get all these things not here on earth. Please God, try to understand me a little bit and I will try my best to understand you. Doreen, that´s the way how I talk with God. Maybe you have to laugh but God is my friend and I tell him every thing. Now I go day by day and let God works as long I have no power. I hope he is doing a better Job than I did. God, please help Doreen, she needs your help real badly. Yes, it sounds selfish I know, we all here need Doreens help, and we all love her, and you love her too. So just do something God. Please. Your Jane

Sep 16, 2014
Life will get better in time. HOLD ON TO HOPE !!!
by: Doreen UK

Jane I follow all your posts and I was too ill too reply. I am sorry for your loss of Anita. Happy you got a new apartment. Often life doesn't make sense so I don't try to figure it out. Moving close to Anita would have helped you both have that relationship you need now. To lose a close friend so close to your mother's death is so hard to deal with.
You may be feeling weak and no strength due to prolonged grief. Grief does assault our body. I did not think I would become so very ill. Breathing was such a struggle. I felt I would never recover. So many prayers has helped me to make a quick recovery. I am just waiting for those tests in two weeks and then I will be able to give everyone an update. When you trust God when you don't have the answers or the news is bad helps one Know that we can't leave this earth one day or minute before God says so.
You will get stronger Jane. ONE DAY AT A TIME. I can tell by how you talk through your writing that you are calmer and your language expressed is more positive and accepting. This is God making you stronger. I feel God is holding me up. You may feel this also. You will heal slowly. Embrace life knowing that God is in control and he is holding us all up in our grief.
I wish you Better Health and Strength and God's richest blessings be with you every day of your life. Best wishes. Doreen

Sep 15, 2014
Not crayzy, Not awful not a monster
by: Jane

Dear Doreen, I have read your words many times, because they felt so good in my heart. My best friend has died now on the 29th of August. I was there when she died, her husband, her two daughters and one of the sisters. I woke up at 2.3O in the morning and couldn´t sleep anymore and I felt I just have to pray for my friend. At 9 o`clock I did my important paperwork for moving from my Apartment to the City. And than I felt I have to drive to the hospice. There I saw the car of Anita´s husband. Usually he works at that time. I knew something is going on. Than I knocked at Anita´s door her sister came out and let me know, that Anita is on the way to leave us. They called her husband by phone at 3 o´clock in the morning. That was the time than I woke up and I have had to pray. The hospice People told us that can now go pretty fast or in 2 weeks. Than I saw Anita and heart her breathing, I just knew, she will go in the next hour. I talked her all what was on my heart, that I will miss her a lot and that she was just a really good friend for me and I thank her for all her love, understanding and helping me even she was so much sick. I song her favorite song, kissed her and sad bye bye and than she meets my mom she shell tell her, that I miss her so much and that I love her for ever. Her breathing had stopped 3 times, and than she had gone. Right now I am moving in a smaller Apartment. This would´ve been only 5 minutes from Anita´s home. We have had so many planes what we will do together, like helping her in the garden. But I don´t know, all my power has gone. I went to the doctor. Now they are going to check my heart. My heart is not good. maybe this all comes from grieving and to move now is so hard for me. But I have read your words Doreen, that you are sick too. Since that time I am praying for you. Please Doreen, take care of your self, you are such a strong and good Person. I thanks the Lord for you and that he comfort you. On the funeral of Anita they ask me to sing. Well I said, I will try it. It was not easy for me, but I did it for my friend. I am still crying for loosing my mom and I start crying a little bit of my best friend. But this all takes so much power for moving, but my Family is helping me a lot But here are a lot of things I have just do by my self. Sometimes I think, if I have to leave this earth too already, because I am feeling so week that will be okay. I have no husband and no Kids. And if God wants me to stay here I hope he will help me to get more power. O Doreen, I hope you can understand my english words. In german is it easier for me to write, but I have a feeling that our Lord brought me to this site. Funny? Again thank you for all your help and I said to God that he has to make you healthy again, because you are doing just a good Job here on earth. I will pray for you. Thank you. Much love Jane

Aug 31, 2014
Not crazy! not awful! not a monster
by: Doreen UK

Jane you are not crazy! not awful! not a monster!. You are probably numb, and stuck so not able to grieve or feel anything for your friend who is dying. The reason for you being their and being supportive means that you care! If you were all those bad things you say you would have walked away from her and showed no feelings.
Often our feelings can become numb and stuck and then later when you thaw out of those frozen feelings you will feel your grief more. Take it one day at a time. Don't expect too much of yourself. Just be there for your friend and don't focus too much on how you should be feeling, or what you are as a person. Take the focus off yourself and put it on the problem. Your friend is dying and you don't want her to. You are scared of losing her. You are afraid of falling to pieces. DON'T. You won't fall apart. You will cry and show emotion as you do when you grieve. YOu will heal. YOu can write back for more support if you need this. Be kind to yourself.

Aug 27, 2014
All my feelings have gone
by: Jane

I have got a Problem. Since my best friend came to the hospice, I lost all my Feelings. I am not griefing anymore and I can´t cry but my best friend is going to die. She looks like death already. I pet her face, I sing her Songs, I creamed her back, I hold her hand, but I feel nothing inside. It all comes only out of my head. My heart has gone away. My Soul has left me. I am a Monster. Awful. All my feeelings have gone. I don´t understand, how this could be happen. What happend to me? Am I getting crazzy?

Jul 30, 2014
Thank you Doreen and have a peaceful birthday
by: Jane

Thank you Doreen for all your help. I wish you a very peaceful and quiet birthday today. I am thinking of you.


May God comfort and bless you. I put on a candle for you today.

Jul 20, 2014
God is LOVE
by: Doreen UK

Jane your understanding of God is correct. He is pure love. WE AREN'T. We have a sinful nature that we struggle with to do the right things. We could be happy with God as long as He gives us what we want. When He doesn't we can get distrusting of God, even angry with Him. When we go through tests, trials, and tribulations in life we can get confused about God and turn against Him asking why He has taken people away from our life and our understanding of God changes with every new thing we experience in life.
Unless we have a TEST. We won't have a TESTIMONY. A testimony is a Statement you can't help but tell others about how good God has been to you, and what He has saved you from in your life. Every time we come through the difficult times in our life our FAITH GROWS and gets stronger for God. That is the time our distortions (wrong thinking about God) changes and we see God for who He is. LOVING, FORGIVING, COMFORTING, FAITHFULL, OUR DELIVERER FROM OUR SINS. etc. When you have known God more, and God has comforted and blessed you and saved you from many difficulties, only then will you fully understand what I mean. Don't let it bother you. One day you will have your own RICH TESTIMONY to tell of what God has brought your through. God also says when you lose your father and your mother. I will be a father to you. We just have to run into the arms of God and allow Him to Guide us through life and let God be OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. To Bless us and Save us. Our lives will never be the same again when we have been with God. Every Blessing to You. Any confusion about what I have said go and see a Pastor or Priest of the Church and perhaps he can help you understand it better. But stay close to God. He is all we have and ALL WE NEED. He will never leave us or forsake us. God be with you ALWAYS!

Jul 20, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Doreen UK

Jane I am not angry with you. On the God TV are Pastors and Teachers who say the same things as I tell you as I am taught by them I have also experienced. The pain and suffering we experience in life when we look back on it if we are perceptive we can see our Faith has become stronger with each test we go through. AS I wrote to you before a story in the Bible about Job. How God tested Him. Satan said to God Look at Job, your faithful servant. If you gave him trouble in his life he would turn against you. God then allowed Satan to test Job. Satan gave Job boils. Painful boils that made him unable to do anything but sit and cry. Jobs friends came and teased him to say that he must have had sinned that he was suffering badly. His friends showed no mercy. Job was also one of the richest men at that time. he owned cattle and property and he had 10 children. Job had a test. He lost all his property, all his riches, and his 10 children to see if he would turn against God. Job knew God. He remained faithful and God Blessed him by giving him back twice what he lost and gave him 10 more children.
Abraham in the Bible was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac. Abraham could have said to God. What are you asking of me. How can I give you my son. But Abraham OBEYED GOD. He took his son up to the mountain and built a fire and was going to sacrifice his son as God asked him to do. When he built the fire Isaac said to his father Abraham. Where is the sacrifice. Abraham said God will provide. He couldn't tell his son that he was the sacrifice. Then the bushes rustled and there was a lamb caught in the bush. Abraham used this lamb for the sacrifice. But God knew then how much Abraham loved Him that he was willing to give his son to God in sacrifice. A TEST OF FAITH. Tests come to see how Faithfull we are to God. With each test we go through our Faith is strengthened. If you look back on your life and see what bad things you have been through and come through them. See if you have stronger Faith. See if you are for God or against Him. God is refining our characters through our tests and trials to make us stronger and to develop our Faith in Him.

Jul 20, 2014
for Doreen
by: Jane

Dear Doreen, it is so hard for me to believe, that God is stretches us to the limit to see how much pain we can take, I thought God loves us without any conditons, tests or Stretches. I thought, God is only love. A big love, we as human beings don´t have such a big love like God does. He can see in all our hearts, why shell he stretches and tested us? I don´t understand it. I thought God doesn´t need such things. That is for human beings, but God knows our hearts and all our thinking and doing. That´s why he is God. Please Doreen, don´t be angry with me, but God has known all our thoughts, words we saying and doing things, before we got birth. So why should he stretches and tested us? He knows us better when I know my self. Because he is God. He is love pure.

Jul 17, 2014
Together
by: Doreen UK

Jane, You are right that the pain of grief hurts our bodies, minds and emotions so much it doesn't make sense we wonder why God can't take away the pain. God stretches us to the limit to see how much pain we can take and then he steps in and cushions the hurt for a while. Which is why we get good days and bad days in between our grief. When a woman has a baby she goes through so much pain to birth that child that she can't ask God Why did you let this pain be so bad. God has told us in the Bible. Because of Adam and Eve's sin we have to suffer in childbirth and man has to work hard all his life, and we DIE. All because of SIN. Remember when we suffer God is strengthening our Faith which is why you cry out. "Why do I still remember God and cry to him when he doesn't take my pain away. You can invite God into your Pain and ask God to carry it for you for awhile, and if He can't Can He give you the strength to bear it. Then TRUST HIM TO DO IT. Just hang in there and keep calling out to us for support. It is so easy to put on weight and to eat for comfort. Don't hate yourself for it. When the healing takes place in you then you will be able to go to the gym or do some exercise to help with your weight. I have an arthritic knee and the pain is so bad so I can only do 10 minutes twice a day on the treadmill. All I care about is that I am doing something. which is better than nothing so I make it a priority to do this every day. This is only one change I can make at the moment in my life. I want to encourage you to do what makes you happy and helps you with your grief. Be good to yourself. God is holding you up even if you can't feel it. BELIEVE IT!!! Accept it by Promise. It hurts but God is still watching over you and all of us in our grief. I wish you Peace and Comfort and hugs and much Love to help you get through these difficult days.

Jul 17, 2014
Together
by: Jane

Here are so many of us, who have lost someone they love. And every day we are getting more and more. It´s unbelieveable how many people have to live with this grief, suffer and pain. Real often I have to think, that griefing makes us all sick. Since my mom had died I am eating too much and have gained 12 kg. I don´t like it, but I still cannot stop eating. Others cannot eat and get thin. Most of us feeling so lonesome, tired, no joy in life, powerless, the heart hurts a lot, breathing problems, depressive, wishes to be death too, no sense in life, realy broken hearts, empty, all boons and muscles are hurting a lot, so much crying, and always the wish to follow our loveones, because the longing and homesick makeing us sick, nightmares, no sleeping, stomachache, headache, eruption on the skin, and so an. Griefing are making our body and soul very sick, because it is just too much for all of us. Why can´t God stop that? He let us suffer and suffer and does nothing for us. Why? I don´t understand my self sometimes anymore that I still love him and crying for his help. How can I trust and love someone who let us grief and suffer. He could stop it. But he doesn´t do it. Why? Please let us grief together. Nobody should be alone with it. Let us continue to share all our thoughts, pains and sorrows. Every day dying people and left back loving people alone and lonesome. We all are needing good friends now and a good familiy, who is holding together. But very often the family left you alone. That makes it double so hard. You lost your love one and your family. You feeling guilty and so much alone. That´s how I felt. Guilty of the death from the Family with not knowing the reason for it. I could not say "I am sorry, because of not knowing the reason. This feeling guilty has awake the wish in me to die too. It was the worsest time in my whole life. I am so thankful that I can write here to you all. Just let us share our pains and sorrows and grief together. It is not easy to live in the empty rooms, where everything reminds me of my Mom, is is so quiet when nobody is here you can talk to or when I come home, nobody is giving me a big loving hug. I never have cried so much like in the last 14 months. Sometimes it is getting realy worse. But together we will make it. Thank you for reading. Thank you for all your help. Please excuse the mistakes. I have to learn a better english.

Jul 12, 2014
I will always be here for you
by: Doreen UK

Hi Jane
I am happy to feel such joy from you. You were so broken by your grief and confused. Grief does this to us. Never forget that God is holding us up in our grief and He knows what we are going through and He will always be here for us. Even when things get really bad. Don't give up! God is in control. God is shaping us for eternity so when we go to live with Him in Heaven we will be all cleaned up inside by all the tests we go through.
If you ever need more support just keep posting and I will do my best to encourage and lift you up from the despair you are facing. God did this for me and He allows me to do it for others. Always remember to keep believing in God. YOU WILL SEE YOUR MOTHER AGAIN. I will by The Grace of God see my husband again. What a day that will be. Hold onto this HOPE! God Be with you and Bless you always! Hugs and much love to you. from Doreen.

Jul 12, 2014
I want my Mom back
by: Jane

Dear Anonymous, when I read your words, I could have wrote it too. I am Feeling exactly the same way. It is just to bad that we cannot hold us and comfort us. I am crying every night even I visit a psychologist for one year. Anonymous, I am feeling this emptiness and loneliness too. And I know like you I´ll be never be the some person. We have to learn to live with the grieving waves. Sometimes they are small and very often they overwhelming us. But between the waves the water gets quiet, and we can rest for a while and do something to makes us feel good. Like helping friends, go out for a walk, even to hear or watch something funny. Even when we cry on the beginning, because we doing it by our self. I am sure, one day it will get better. Our Moms are in our hearts now and take care of us as an angel. I love my Mom so much too and I am missing her so much but I will try with gods help to find a way to get along with this grief. Like Doreen is writing, we don´t let to win the devil. My Mom gave me with her death a real big present. I am not scared of death anymore, before I was it. My Mom will always stays in my heart and I thank God for my Mom. She was the best I have ever had in my life. And I feel sorry that sometimes I have hurt her. I love my mom so much too Anonymous, more than my self. But I think Doreen are right, we still have to trust in God, without him, we will not get along with the grief. And you are so right when you write, that you will never get over losing your Mom, I am feeling the same way, but we have to learn to live without them and accept the grief. It´s a hard, hard way to go. Let us write here and go it together. I think our Moms would be happy. Let us try it Anonymous. Together we will make it and God is helping us. He brought us all together. Even me to you from Germany. Much love may God bless you.

Jul 12, 2014
I want my Mom back
by: Jane

Dear Doreen, thank you, thank you so much. Never, never somebody in my whole life could this explain to me so good like you did it for me. Sure I still will miss my Mom, but she is in the best hands now. That´s comfort me. Dear Doreen, isn´t it terrific that you and me and all of here who are writing, who are missing somebody they had loved, we all will see them once again. Sure sometimes than the grief is overwhelming us like a big wave, in this moment it might not comfort us, but God is still here and holding his loving hands over us. Doreen, doesn´t it feel good to you too, to know to see all your loved again one day? You have suffered so much and God was holding you all the time. He never left you alone. And now you are sharing your life your expierences with us. And you passed the tests all. I think you are making the devil much angry with your strong believing. Doreen I am glad that you wrote me these words and I will pray for you and all of here, that the devil want get us. Never. God´s love will keep us strong. Thanks again. Much love

Jul 11, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Doreen UK

My Dear Jane,
Please understand that all of us can say we love God. Why should God believe us if we say we Love you God. This is why God tests us to see if we are genuine. The tests come to prove to God we are for Him.
In the Bible story was a man called Job. Satan went to God and said Look at Job your faithful servant He doesn't love you? God gave Satan permission to smite Job with boils. Job was in pain. Job's wife said Look what God has done. Why don't you curse God. Job sat in pain. But Job had a character that knew God even in suffering and Job would not give in to Satan who gave him the boils. Job passed this Test. God knew that no matter what pain Job had in his life He would not turn against God. This is how God tests us. God does this all through our life.
Daniel was put in the Lions Den. He didn't die. God shut the Lions mouths so Daniel could be saved.
Joseph was put in a pit by his brother's. God raised up Joseph to be Ruler over Egypt. When Josephs brother's came to buy corn He could have said "These are my brother's" "They put me in a pit and left me to die. Joseph as ruler could have stopped them buying corn and let them starve. But Joseph showed mercy and gave them what they needed. Joseph passed this test. Now do you see what I am saying.
You have suffered serious illness all your life. You still live to Praise God and remember Him even though you have suffered long. This is YOU passing your test by still standing strong and believing in God.
Don't think because you have been so sick that you are bad. Satan puts these thoughts into your head so you believe him and not God. God has brought you through these sicknesses and He will bring you through your sorrow and grief. JUST TRUST GOD. ALWAYS!. FOCUS on God and not your sickness or what Satan is doing to you. He is doing it to all of us who know and love God. Keep Believing in God. Keep Trusting in God. You will see your mother again. Keep this HOPE ALIVE. Try and get a book of JOEL OSTEEN on Amazon website. If you read his books you will be encouraged. Best wishes.

Jul 11, 2014
losing my mum
by: Anonymous

Hi Jane

I know how you feel, I lost my mum in September 2013 and I am still in pain, I cry every night and just want to be with her. you see my mum and me lived together too all our lives and now I just feel so empty and lonely, but I know she wouldn't want me to be like this so I smile and laugh when I am in company and I carry on with life, but deep down I know I will never be the same again and i know I will never get over losing her.

Jul 08, 2014
Thank you all of you
by: Jane

When I am reading all your words, it is helping me. Is is unbelieveable how many off us, all suffer and feeling the same way. I thank God that he brought me to you. And that I know a little bit english, so I can reed and unterstand your words. Sometimes I am feeling ashamed that I am still griefing so much after 14 months since my mom had died, after I have read all your sorrows. But my heart tells me the truth. It still hurts so much. Oh DEBI I am speaking and writing with my mom every day. And I hope you will be right, that she will comfort me. Thank you to remind me of the faith in things we cannot see. Before my mom has died, I have had it. Now it is gone. Everything is equal. I do not care. I feel so powerless. I don´t care if I live or die. I am not scared anymore of my on death. My inside changed a lot since my mom has gone.But you are writing me the right words DEBI. I have to learn to honaur the life my mom has given to me. Oh I will, I love her so much, and right now tears come in my eyes again. But I know, my mom want to see me happy again. Now I cannot stop crying anymore. I wish so much to make my Mom happy when she sees me, but it is still so difficult. Thank you DEBI.
KATARINA, well I try to pray. But al I do it without happiness and love. Well, I do all my things I have to do like a Maschine. May be God is carry me, I cannot feel it right now. I trie to do my best day by day, but all I do makes no sense to me anymore. I just do it, because I have to do it. But I have had short moments I could laugh. Thanks for the word may God bless you KATARINA.
Dear ELISA, yes I feel it exactly like you write it. Sometimes it is difficult to believe that my mom had gone. This "never again" makes me crying so much. But I am sure, one day, we all will see, the one we love so much, again. ELISA, which City was your husband born in Germany?Do you speak or write in german too? My Mom was such wonderful person too and yes she is all second on my mind too. I know where she is now, she is healthy and without pains. But my heart miss her so much any way. May god bless you too ELISA and thank you for all your help.
Yes SANDY, my head knows it too, that all People on this earth had to die one day. I know that, but my heart wan´t hear it. My heart only feels and does not think. My heart loves and suffers and griefs. My heart doesn´t hear what my brame is saying. Do you understand what I mean? I hug you too and thanks for help.
Yes ANONYMOUS I want to hug, to talk, to h old my mom hands too now. So I am not alone with my wishes and feelings. And now you have lost your only son. ANONYMOUS I don´t know what to say, I just wish I could hold you in my arms. Your words are helping me a lot, but I wish I could helping you. May God be with you. Thank you. I am so glad that you are on this world.
Dear DOREEN, first of all, thank you for all your help. I get angry that I don´t know all the words in english so I could better write to you. But I will try it anyway. DOREEN, please don´t missunderstood, but God is only love, the only true love, love without any conditions. Why should he test us? Is he testing if we love him without conditions? That would be human beeing like. But God is God. He is love pure. I was thinking he just loves us and doesn´t need any tests. Please help me to understand it. Yes DOREEN, I hope you will be right and I get through it. It is a dark, dark, tunnel. I got a fealing that I have to learn to live with the griefing. It is now part of me. It is so hard to me to believe that satan does all the bad things to me, than I must be a real awful person. Since childhood I have got so many sicknesses and my life was painful, only the time with my Mom was wonderful. Am I such a bad Person that my life is filled with sadness and disapointments? What am I doing wrong? God loves me and my Mom loves me too. Sometimes I can feel her, than my tears stop. She is not realy gone, she is just next door right beside me and into my heart. And I hope that God is still carry me too. Thanks for all your help.I cannot remember when I have had written so much and not in german. Much love to you all.

Jul 06, 2014
When we have no strength to go on, God is waiting in the wings to catch us when we fall.
by: Doreen UK

Most of us go through a Spiritual desert after we lose a loved one. We have an expectation that God is so powerful He can Heal our loved one and let them live. When He doesn't we get disappointed and feel let down and then our Faith gets tested and we feel we are in a crisis. Remember Shadrach Meshech and Abednego in the Bible. Characters who were put into a fiery furnace. Four people were seen walking in that furnace. God was with them and He delivered them. We often feel as if we are in a fiery furnace. GRIEF FEELS LIKE THIS. But I do believe God is with us in our FIERY FURNACE OF GRIEF. We are created by God and so God is our Healer and knows each of our hearts and what we need to recover from grief. We need Comfort, Peace, Patience, and Love from other's whilst we walk through this valley of Grief. We should fear no evil for God is with us. He walks with us in our deepest moments of Grief. It is this pain that is going to shape us and make us stronger to endure the many crises we face in life. DEATH being the worst experience. WE all know we will die one day, and it is not a pleasant experience to bury our loves one's in much the same way God did not want His son to die. But Jesus was on a mission. He fulfilled that mission that was to SAVE US. When we feel we can't reach God. Invite God to come to you. He will pick you up and bathe your wounds and carry you when you have no strength to go on. Be Blessed Today.

Jul 06, 2014
God is for us. Not against us. Don't give up Hope.
by: Doreen UK

Dear Jane,
I can understand your feelings about God. When I lost my husband to terminal cancer and prayed for healing sending prayers all over America and the world for healing I believed my Steve would be healed. When he died I felt I hadn't prayed the right way and I felt disappointed and let down by God. I didn't want to be angry with God but I was and God knew it. He drew it out of me. He has now restored my Faith in Him. God puts us through many tests and trials in life, also as a way of strengthening our Faith and getting to really know Him. But God would never abandon us. We may abandon Him and God does not force himself on us. He is gentle and loves us and wants us to seek him and desire to have Him in our lives. God also understands how life events can cause us to go through a Spiritual Desert which I think you are facing right now. BELIEVE YOU WILL COME THROUGH THIS. God can restore your Faith in Him and give you the desires of your heart. Did you ever think that God weeps also when someone dies. He created us. He gave us our family. There is nothing that God does not own. God blessed your mother with YOU. He has your best interests at heart and God gives us our Free Will to choose Him. I learned more about God through my trials and tribulations. God sent his Son Jesus into the world to die for us because of SIN in the world so that we could be SAVED. Now that is pretty SPECIAL and Loving an act. God does not give us pain, sickness, and cause bad things to happen to us. Satan does. Satan is out to destroy us and blame God when bad things happen and God is out to save us. God has saved us. It is inconsistent with God's character to cause us harm and save us at the same time. It doesn't make sense. God is one day going to end sin when He comes back to this world for us as He promised and destroy DEATH. FOREVER. Death was not in God's plan for us, but God has to let the world run it's course and give people a chance to come to Him and be saved. He does not want anyone to perish but have eternal life. God is pure Love and pure righteousness. In our finite minds we cannot comprehend or understand fully the ways of God. But when Jesus returns to the earth for us we will all be changed in the twinkling of an eye and then we will really know God as He is. At the moment God is holding our loved one's for us to be reunited with them when he comes back. Now this is something to Hope and Live for. God expects us to comfort one another with these promises and blessings. Please write back for further support.

Jul 05, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Jane

Dear Doreen, how can your head still live with all this pain? How can you still trust in god? I am sending you a big, big hug from Germany. Well Doreen, always, when I found or get something, that is making me happy, god took it away, he let me get sick. So I cannot do it anymore. Very often I ask my self, what have I done that he let me suffer and takes away all I love. Well I still seek him but it is so hard. I know god is in me, but I am the one, who is mad, disappointment, stubborn. He is talking to me, but I am the one, who is not listing anymore. He still loves me, but I don´t take his biggest gift. I know it sounds ego and childish, but I have Problems with him, since he took away my mom. He is here, but I ignore him. But my heard cries loud, God please help me. I cannot go to work and I look for a Little place for my self to live without my mom. I am scared that I have to live on the street. It feels good to write to you all. Much love Jane

Jul 05, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Jane

Oh Anonymous, I wish I coud hold you in my arms. I cry while I am reading your words. You are so right, by helping other People you can help your self. My best Girl friend has cancer and I help her, as good as I can. But I have since I am a child a sick heard, thats why I cannot do as much as I want. But like you a writing, to do Little things. She is telling me here sorrows in her mind, when she had do die. She has 2 daughters (15-17 years old) I cannot do too much with the Body, but I can give her and all my friens my 2 ears. Why does god give her the cancer and not me?She has got a Family and I am by my self. Anonymous, you seams to be a wise, strong Person. Is it wrong that I wish, that I coud die to be by my mom again? I know I shouldn´t think this way, but the pain is so hard, that it Comes by it´s self. It is stronger when me. But you helping me with your words. A real big thank you from my heard. People like you and all of you give a Little hope in my life. Anonymous, People like you makes the world brighter. Maybe you are the answer of my trying to pray. I wish you, that god helps you every day, every hour, every Minute. May god bless you all. Tank you that I can write here. Much love from Germany Jane

Jul 04, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Doreen UK

Jane I am so sorry for your loss of your mom. This is the loneliest place in the world to be right now. I lost my mom 11yrs. ago and it took me 9yrs. to start to heal from this loss. I just lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 2yrs. ago and this is my worst loss. Life is unbearable and still a struggle.
Don't feel that God has forsaken you. Often God has to leave us for a while so that His purposes can be worked out in us. God is our creator and so it to God we look for our strength and Healing from our grief. When Jesus went to the Cross for us, God had to leave Jesus for a while so that He could feel the full wrath of sin in his body in order to save us. Jesus uttered. "My God, My God, why have you forsaken us." Jesus knows what this abandonment feels like. He is a man acquainted with sorrows and grief. God sent His angels to minister to Jesus and bear Him up. He will do the same for us. Seek Him in your grief, and You will find Him. May God draw close to you at this time and Comfort you with HIs Peace.

Jul 04, 2014
I hope this song will help
by: Anonymous

I lost my only son this year May 13, 2014.
He was 26yrs old, and we only lived by ourselves since his father past away at 37yrs.
Now I am living alone and its very hard too cause I miss him. But I hope this song helps you cause it
help eased some of the pain in my heart even thought it brought tears. God bless you and I keep thanking him for giving me the strength to live on and to go on and help other people who need us. I have been helping people who are in need by doing little things and its helping me heal little by little.


Jul 04, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Jane

We all lost someone we love,
but we will still stay with them in touch,
they live in our heard, and leave us not alone,
only there Body are death, had gone.
But our love keeps us together,
OUR LOVE WILL LIVE FOR EVER: much love Jane

Jul 04, 2014
I want my mom back
by: Jane

Thank you all for your wonderful words. I did not aspect that so many People will write to me, and that you all could understand my "funny english". You all brought with your words a Little bit of sunshine in my death and broken heard.Thank you so much. I don´t feel so lonesome anymore. Dear Anonymous, you don´t need advices for me, your words did it already. Thank you. Dear Sandy, thank you for your pryers and your love and hugs. My heard Needs it so much. Dear Elisa, well Elisa, we can cry together. I believe it too, that after the death the Soul will be still alive and one day, I will see my mom agian. Do you think, that is crazzy? Yes, you are so right, how Long will we all endure this pain? Dear Katarine, thank you for your prying. How can you still trust and believe in god, even he has let your mom die? Dear Debi, yes Debi this pain makes me seek, too. And my journey is awful. Without happyness. I speak to my mom every day. Yes, my mom would like to see me happy, not every day all this tears. But it is so difficult. Thank you Debi. Dear Kathy, sorry we don´t have a grief Support Group in my Little town here. But you all helping me a lot. thanks for praying. Dear Kim, yes, sometimes I can feel my mom deep in my heard, she is making me stop crying. Thank you for your wishes. I wish you love and peace too. For all of you. Please Mom stay with me in touch. Please don´t let me be alone. I love you so much that it hearts. I get tears in my eyes, while I am writing this. My Mom was so wunderful, and if she would be in the end of the world, I would go to her right away. If there would be steps to heaven, I would climb all of them, if God would let me talk and see my Mom just for one hour, because I have to tell her something, I would be so thankful. Our Jane from Germany

Jul 03, 2014
Liebe Jane
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain, your words hits me so hard - I can relate to several of the things you describe, especially the feeling of crying out for my loving Mom to come back to me. I just want so bad to hold her hand, hug her, talk to her, hear her voice tell me that everything will be fine again in the way only she could comfort me. It's so hard and I struggle each second of the day. I'm sorry to say that I don't have any advice for you, as I am in the same place as you. Just know that you are not alone. Take care! xxx

Jul 03, 2014
I can relate
by: Sandy

I'm so sorry Jane. It's the same for me. I actually saw my mom die over a year ago, and I still can't believe it. That woman was my world.

It helped me to realize that everyone dies. I know that sounds so corny, but I felt better knowing that it wasn't that we were super unlucky or anything. We all die, and as humans we are all in this crazy situation together.

Many times I have wished I was just as animal, so I could not feel the fear of death and grief I feel at my mom's passing. I think we humans got the short end of the stick when we got the larger brains--it's too hard to forget things :(

Anyway, love and hugs to you all the way from the USA, daughter to daughter, who also lost her mom and her best friend. I feel your grief, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Sandy

Jul 03, 2014
I want my mom back, to Jane
by: Elisa

Dear Jane,

I know exactly how you feel, and I understood everything you wrote about missing your dear Mom so much because that is how much I miss my dear husband, Hugo, who I was married to for 44 years before he died of pancreatic cancer. My heart hurts constantly, and I cry a lot like you do. Sometimes it is difficult to believe he is gone, and I know you feel that way about your Mom--you can't believe that she is not with you any more.
I like to believe in something after death, I think I do, but I have lost my faith along the way trying to keep my husband alive, praying to God to keep him alive.

My husband was born in Germany but he came here to America as a young boy. He was a very good person, smart, logical, generous, and he just seemed to know how to do so many things--it all came naturally to him. He was a typicl German in the sence of being a perfectionist -- he either did it right, or he said don't do it at all.

There is not one second he is not on my mind and I too beg for him to come back. Many times I said I want to die and join him. I don't know how I go on, but I do. I get scared about the future, and I wonder how long I can endure this pain.

Please keep writing here, at least I will know you received this message from me. I check back all the time, and if you go to recover-from-grief.com/loss of my husband and soul mate--you will see many postings from me and other women I met on this site.

God bless you. I am sorry. I understand.
Love, Elisa (Hugo's wife)

Jul 03, 2014
I want my mom back too.......
by: Katrina

Hi Jane, my name is Katrina and I too lost my mom a year and 1 month ago today. I feel the same as you do because my mom and I were so very close even in age, we were 16 years apart in age, so she was my mother first and foremost but also my best friend and a older sister to me all rolled up into this one wonderful woman. I cry for my mom still everyday and I wish I could see her and hear her voice again. I know that is not possible right no so only if God will allow my mom to come to me in my dreams just to visit for a lil while, I pray for this. Jane, just keep praying, keep your faith and never give up hoping. I pray for God to bless my siblings and I with peace that surpasses all understanding and I pray for our spirit to guide us on this journey. Know that God will never forsake us, HE loves us always and those times when we're at our lowest point in life, those are the times that HE carries us. Since I've lost my mom, I have been filled with a daily unbearable pain and I know that only through the Grace of God Almighty is the reason I'm still here doing the best I can with the life I've been left with. I know my mom would also want me to continue living my life to the best of my ability, so I keep this in mind and it really is what helps me get through my days without my mom. I'll say a prayer for you....May God be with you always

Jul 03, 2014
Take Comfort
by: Debi

My Dear Jane, Your English is very good and I know everyone who read it understands it very well. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I too lost my beloved Mother 7 weeks ago and the pain takes my breath away. I live in Brussels and my Mum lived in the UK but she spent 50% of her time with us here in Belgium to be near her only grandchild my son Max (aged 14) and me, her only child. My mum died very suddenly without any illness and the shock is intense. I find myself sitting and staring into space and speaking softly 'Come back mum'. My dad died suddenly 14 years ago and my grandmother 13 years ago so now I have no one left of my birth family. This grief we feel Jane is a long road and sadly we cannot get off it. We must continue our journey. You are right when you say the pain is now part of your life because although it won't always make you cry it will always be there. Mums can never be replaced. Keep speaking to her Jane, she will hear you. she knows your grief and will comfort you. Sometimes we must have faith in the things we cannot see. We were both so lucky to have such wonderful mums and in time so much grief will be replaced, yes by sadness but also happy memories too. Your Mother gave you life and she would want you to continue to live it to the full in her honour. Life is a privilege and the greatest of all gifts our mothers gave us. I know as a Mother myself, I would not want my son to be so unhappy when it is my time to leave and our mums wouldn't want that for us. Grieve Jane when you think of her because it is so necessary but smile too because it is essential. My loving thoughts are with you XXX

Jul 03, 2014
I miss my mom, too
by: Kathy

Hi Jane,

My mom passed away May 23rd of this year. My heart is broken,too. She and I lived together for 24 years since my dad passed away. I miss her so much. It is hard to get used to being alone.

Thank you for your prayers. Do you have a grief support group at your church? It is very helpful.

Take care. I will pray for you, too. Thank you for sharing.

Jul 02, 2014
We understand
by: Kim

Hi Jane - I wanted to let you know that your english is not too bad! We understand the words you are saying, and the feelings you are having. They translate in any language. I hope that you can still feel your mom's spirit close to you, and I wish you love and peace.

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