I want my mom to come back.

My mom with us when she was not so sick yet.

My mom with us when she was not so sick yet.

It has been almost 2 years since my mom passed away. I still have such a hard time dealing with it and here is why... My mom had been sick with narcolepsy and other issues that it brings for years. I waited all my life for her to get better so she could spend time with me do things together. She was always going to doctors for tests and trying different medications. She took so much Ritalin that she hallucinated about things that were wrong with her and they just were not real. She spent hours doing ODC things in the bathroom and running the water. She did not live a normal life from the time I was in high school. She died when I was 48. I am 50 now. The thing is, she did not die from her illness. They say she had ovarian cancer and pnemonia, yet they did all kinds of test on her in the hospital and one day things looked hopeful and another they did not. When they finally decided she for sure did have cancer, they took her off her respirator and said she would die within 48 hours. I was with her and my dad and sisters in her hospital room for 8 days. She had "pallitive" care which to me just looked they knocked her out and let her starve to death...I never got to talk to her. She never got knew she had ovarian cancer. She never had a say in anything and I don't think she would have wanted to die this way. I wanted them to be able to wake her up, tell her what was wrong and give her the control if she wanted to be alert and if she wanted to eat or not. Or maybe she would have said yes I am in too much pain, I want pallitive care...she never had the choice. I watched her starve to death for 8 days. I couldnt voice my opinion because when my brother tried, my dad got really upset. He really thought he was doing the best thing for her and maybe he was. I will never know for sure. I feel guilty sometimes that I did not fight for her rights even if it upset the family. I have always been the one that seems to upset the apple cart in my family and I really wanted to be supportive but just felt like this was wrong. I want to talk to her to see if she is mad at me for not fighting for her and tell her I am sorry and I miss her and I don't want her to be dead. She was only 72. This stinks. Now it is Easter and I think of Jesus rising from the dead and wish my Mom could do the same. I don't know if there is any way to feel better about this. I can't cry either.

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Oct 19, 2014
New Forum
by: Jane

Hallo, I just would like to know, how much it cost to get in your new
Forum? Thank you Jane form Germany


It's free, just click on the link on the left which says Members Only and sign up.

Oct 08, 2014
by: pinkheart

I googled "i want my mum back" and your website came up, it brought tears to my eyes when i saw the picture you have up...i miss my mum even when i say that my tears run down my face, it's been 2 years and still i feel like i've lost my one and only love, the love of my life, my mum, and no other love compares to hers in my heart. I do still wish i could be with her or she would come back.
still grieving..and always will for her..

ed note: This blog has been transitioned to a great new Forum with private messaging. Please check it out by hitting the "The Grief Club" button on the left. You can even resubmit your post there for fresh advice. Thanks so much!

Sep 20, 2014
I and my brother will meet our Mom soon
by: Jane

Dear Anonymous, first I want to tell you sorry for loosing your Mom. Maybe you will tell me than she has gone and tell me something about your Mom. I know it is the worrest pain you an get in your life. When my Mom died 15 months ago, I wanted to follow her every day, over one year. I cried, and cried, please Mom come back to me, or please let me come to you. I cannot live without you. I love you more than I love my self. I wanted to kill my self and wanted to do it on the same day when my mom has died, just one year later. My Brothers didn´t talk with me, so I was all by my self. I felt like loosing my Mom and my brothers with family. I felt so guilty and lonesome. Every day I said to my Mom, I will come soon to you to see you again. I love you so much I just cannot live without you. My heart died when you were gone. I am running around like a empty package. But anonymous believe me, our Moms didn´t born us so that we only suffer and do suizid. They give us our life, that we will live happy, even without our Moms. Our Moms can still see and here everything we do and say on the other side. It makes them feel so bad to see us suffering so much. I am still suffering too. Maybe you can look for professional help for you and your brother. Our Moms wouldn´t wan´t that we take our lifes away by our self. My Mom always said, "when our time is over here on earth, than we have to go. We cannot be sure if we see our Moms when we go before our time is over here. Just think about your Mom how she is feeling in her heart and right beside you, to see you suffering and all what is gone on in your mind. She can´t be happy on the other side. We have to do our best to learn to live with this grief, and think about our loving Moms. They want to see us happy again. They don´t want that we suffer and grief the rest of our life. And they don´t want that we throw our life just away. That is making our moms so sad on the other side. We love our Moms so much, so we have to do our best to make our Moms happy and being proud of us. I know by my self, that is a pretty hard way to go. But our Moms are still with us, but different. They still helping us. My Mom use to say when she was still alive and she has right with it, "when your time is over on earth you have to go. Our Moms doesn´t want that we come before that time. I am still grieving too, a lot. I have still times I am only crying because I miss my be loved Mom so much. And I still have to learn to live with this grief. It is so hard. And now my best friend has died. I try to go on one day after the other. I still feel pretty powerless and lost and lonesome. And if my time were over already too, I would be happy. But til my time is coming, I have to give my best to make my Mom being proud of me. She shell not suffer than she sees me suffering so much. I go realy little steps forwards, but I think that is okay. Anonymous I think , just cry. Cry as much as you can together with your brother. And you can hold each other while you are crying in your arms. You cannot go on without living your grief. She wants to come out of your Soul. Please go and look for professional help. And if you feel like writing it, you can write here. Everyone will understand you. Write me something about your Mom. Please try to make your Mom being proud of you. Step by Step. If I could I would like to take you in my arms. Your Mom wan´t call you, because no mother wants that her children will die. Much love from Germany Jane

Sep 19, 2014
i and my brother will meet our mom soon
by: Anonymous

i dont cry because i know i will meet my mom soon .she will call us (me & my brother) soon.

Aug 31, 2014
Our Moms
by: Jane

Dear Maya, dear Bobbie,
We three have one same Thing, we have lost our Moms. Maya I have had big Problems with god too. I was so mad with him that I shouted: "God, are you satisfied now, that you have took away me my Mom? She was and is still the best I have ever had. And you took her away. You always take away from me things I love, in making me sick. Now you took my best friend. Where you mad with me, because I love my mom more than you God? I still love her more than you. And now you took my best friend. Why do you punish me so much? But Maya and Bobby, you want believe it, I still love god. I just cannot live without him. I sayed a lot of bad and worse things to him. I talled him to go away from me and leave me alone. Bu t it doesn´t matter, what I say, he keeps standing on my side. And now I feel that I am glad that he is still here with me. Well I don´t understand God, but maybe than I am death, I will. Just think, we were death and we could see our Moms all the time crying and suffering. How would we feel? Thät´s how our moms feeling than they see us so much suffering. Well our Moms there our home. Now our heart is the home our Moms. They are still a part of us. But not with the Body like we want it, but different. I will try to make my mom can be proud of me. She Shell tell all Moms in heaven: "eh, look, this little woman down there, this is my daughter." That feels good in my heart. There is no love as pure, unconditional and strong as a Moms love. And never somebody is going to love us this way again. Please excuses my mistakes. Much love from Jane from Germany.

Aug 30, 2014
My mother
by: Bobbie

Hi Jane,

Thank you for your kind words. I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I will try my best to take it day by day but it won't be easy. I hope you find peace and I will pray for you too.

Aug 30, 2014
My Mother
by: Jane

Dear Bobbie, I know, it is extremely hard to loose our Moms. I know, I will miss her, til I die. Yesterday I lost my best friend. On Wednesday at the funeral they ask me all to sing the song "The rose". Anita loved this song so much. Well, I will try to do my best. I was by a priest and by a psychologist, but they could not help me. Most what is helping me in just living today. I am not thinking about tomorrow. Only the planing of the funeral and if I can´t sing, it´s okay too. I´ll take it and do it like it comes. I have bad days and sometimes better hours. I have to learn to live with this grief. Is is hard. I know Bobbie. Just take very little steps. one day after thee other. And than you need to cry, than just do it. CRY. Tears are healing pills. Bobbie I wish I could hold you in my arms and let you cry. Our Moms want that our life goes on without them. But it is such a hard hard way. My Mom was my best friend too. And than Anita. Now she has gone yesterday. Well, it is so difficult to understand, why this happened. We will never get an answer. But in me is now coming a little voice who tells me, "Eh Jane, you have to change something, otherwise your Mom can´t be happy in heaven. But love means to make the one, who you love happy. I will try it as could as I can, step by step, day by day. And than I go one day one step, backwards it´s okay too sometimes. I´ll take it, like it comes. Bobbbie, I am going to pray for you. Much love jane.

Aug 27, 2014
my best friend
by: Maya

My mom died on August 24,2014 she died as 40 years old , she had many illnesses for a long time , I'm 14 years old and sometimes I wish i can go with her, she meant the world to me , she had a fever two days before her death but she refused to go to a hospital and I begged her so she can't feel well on my birthday , but in understood why , the hospitals never helped my mom they mistreated her and she never got her justice, I didn't even tell my good night the night before her death I didn't even tell her I love her and I regret every moment of not spending time with her on her death bed I asked for all I wanted was my mommy for my birthday he didn't even give me that!! I'm losing faith in god , he took the person who I loved the most , now she won't be there when I have stomach pain, or hug me when I'm sad and tell me she loves me or make jokes to cheer me up, she won't be there to protect us anymore or listen to my problems or us laughing , talking or watch tv together with her petting my head putting her hand through my head. Life is unfair I just want to go with her.

Aug 24, 2014
My mother
by: Bobbie

I'm still in extreme mourning over my mom's passing on March 31, 2014. I still can't believe she's gone. It seems to be getting worse as more time goes by. I cry all the time and no matter what I'm doing, I can't stop thinking of her and how she suffered. Life is so dismal for me and nothing seems to make me smile. I lost all ambition and zest for life. I see a grief counselor but that isn't helping. I wish so much she was still here and that her negligent doctor found her brain tumor sooner before it grew bigger. I miss her so much and wish I could see an apparition of her. Every dream I have of my mom shows her in distress. It makes me think that she's still in distress. I just can't cope with the loss. She was my best friend.

Jul 20, 2014
for Jasmine
by: Jane

Jasmine, you and your Mom sounds same like my Mom and I. I can´t serve her anymore, I can´t take care of her, can´t go for a walk with her, wash her laundry, cook her favorite foods, and I cannot talk with her anymore neither. I talk to her but not getting an answer. I could have serve her til she would have got 100 years old. I enjoyed it too, because I did all these things with love. It really was a privilege for me too. Jasmine. Me and my Mom, that was really something Special. I great gift . And my Mom was like you are writing too, the only Person who loved me without conditions. The bigger the love, the bigger the grief. And I still want her back every day. I miss you so much Mom. Thank you for all your love. I know, one day I will see you again.

Jul 19, 2014
My Mom
by: Jane

Dear Bobby, while I am reading your words, I´m feeling so much with you, especialy today. At October I have to move in a little Apartment. This one there I have stayed with my Mom is to big and to expensive for me. I think Bobby, the griefing will go with me in the smaler Apartment, because it is in my heart. Now I don´t get along in the rooms from my Mom, then there I can´t stop crying and in the little Apartment i probably will miss her rooms. Bobby, I didn´t get along with my priest here. After 2 months he had told me, I have to start now a new life. He watches always on the clock. I was so glad than be left me. Next time he wanted to come, I didn´t let him in. I got a feeling, that this priest got no idea of briefing. One year I went to a psychotherapy but it didn´t really help me. I am feeling better, than I can speak with good friends.I believe Bobby that after the death Comes another life. Only the Body (backage) dies and the Soul (the present) will stay alive. Every night before I fell asleep I am crying to my mom, that I miss her so much and that I want her back. One evening I just couldn´t stop crying and saying, "please Mom, I want to see you, I wan´t to see with my own eyes that your fine. Than suddently first I felt that she was here, sitting on my bed and pat me. I felt warm energy on my back. I turned around and I could see herfor a few minutes, but with very thin energy Body. But I recocnize her. She looked pretty Young. About 30 - 35 years old. Than she was gone. She didn´t speak. Even I have seen her, I smelled her parfume, I still griefing and suffering. Often I think, when I would die now, that´s okay. Than my mom Comes an will pick me up. We were talking about this before she had died. She will give me her hand so I can get out of my Body and we will be together again. But than this will be I don´t know. My mom used to say, than your time is over here on earth than you have to go. But I am feeling like with my Moms death my heart has gone too. I don´t know Bobby if this griefing will stop one day, I have the Feeling, it belongs to me now and my life til I die. I have to accept it, as a new part of me. With God I have my Problems too since my mom died. But deep in my heart I can feel that I still believe in him. I am only so absaid that he just took my Mam and left me alone. Bobby, I am Feeling with you. Talk to your Mom, I am sure she can hear you. And stay in touch with God. He is still with you and comfort you, even we don´t unterstand him. I give you a big big hug from Germany.

Jul 16, 2014
To Jane
by: Bobbi

Hi Jane,

Wow, that is wonderful that you smelled your mother's perfume. The day after my mom passed, I smelled the lotion the nurses used on my mom in my bedroom. I wasn't sure what to make of that because that lotion was hospital lotion that my mom nor I would ever wear. Anyway, I'm sure it was your mom in the room with you. I wish we could all see and touch our moms who have passed. God bless!

Jul 16, 2014
I could smell my Mom
by: Jane

Yes Bobby, this morning I really have got a sign from my Mom. I was reading the newspaper. And finally I smelled the parfum from my Mom. I don´t use this parfum. It was like she would be in my room, walking around. It smells soooo good. I said loud: "Mom, are you here?" "Oh, Mom, I can smell your parfum. Are you giving me a sign?" Well, I didn´t get an answer. But she was in my room. I hope I am not getting crazy. But then crazy means to smell my mom, than I think, to be crazy is wonderful.

Jul 15, 2014
Mother called me
by: Anonymous

Dear Bobbi,

I had the same experience as you in having my mother calling me which immediately woke me up from sleep in the morning. This has already occurred 5 times since her passing. And it's been quite a long time since the last one. I pray that our mothers will come and call us again very soon. Better still, meet us face to face and communicate with us. I am a Christian and I believe that Christians will go straight to Heaven at the moment of their passing. This is concerning our souls and we will be given an imperishable physical body where the soul will merge together with it on the day of resurrection.

Jul 12, 2014
My Mom
by: Bobbi

I am really grieving terribly over my mom where I'm hyperventilating. My heart aches so much and I feel so alone without her. I'm trying to go to work, visit friends, talk to a grief counselor and support group but the pain is immeasurable. I don't know what else to do to stay strong. The last two nights I heard my mother call my name while I was sleeping and I woke up right away. I'm not sure what that means. Has that ever happened to anyone? I'd like to believe its her trying to contact me but I don't know.

I read in the bible that the dead are unaware of anything and are in a continuous sleep without thoughts or dreams. The passage said that the dead will remain in their graves until the 2nd coming of Jesus and only then will be resurrected. It could be a thousand years from now. This disturbed me because I always thought that our souls go to heaven as soon as we die. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have become an agnostic and I never pray anymore. I feel that why should I pray to someone who allowed my mother to suffer a long, agonizing death. A priest even told me he doesn't understand why God heals some and not others. She was taken away too soon and got cheated as did my dad who is so lonely and sad without her. 56 years of marriage and had many more years to spend together. I'm living in their house with my dad so that he isn't alone but I'm having such a difficult time in this house with all reminders. I want to move back to CA but I don't have the heart to leave my dad alone.

My brother lives here with his family and my sister still lives in CA. My brother can't be around all the time but he tries his best. I moved from CA after 23 years living there to my parent's home in 2012 to care for my mom and she was getting better when I took her to acupuncture. We had no idea a brain tumor was brewing inside of her head. I'm angry that not one doctor put her symptoms together and found it sooner. One MRI in 4 years is unacceptable. They kept misdiagnosing her.....I could go on with all the negligence that took place but it would take up this whole website.

We are all hurting here and I'm sure more people have had similar experiences. I wish the pain would go away. Thank you all for reading and being so caring.

Jul 01, 2014
I miss my mom so much
by: Jane

I live in Germany. My English is not very good, but my heart cries every day, please mom come back to me, I miss you so and I love you so much. I feel so lonesome without you. I am so homesick and my heart is broken. I live like a Robot. Now, you are 13 months dead and I still cry every day. It hurts so much I can not stop the tears. Oh mom please come back to me. I Need you, I cannot live without you. You were my mother, my friend my< everything. My heard is died with you. Oh mom, please let me come to you were ever you are. It is so awful here on earth without you, without your love. Please come back to me. God let me know what I Shell do that my mom Comes back to me, I will do it. Every day I am still crying. Please mom come back. Please. I hope you can read my English.

Jun 21, 2014
Lost mine 2 months ago
by: Anonymous

Luv to you bobbi

Jun 19, 2014
Thank you
by: Check Shyong Quek

Bobbi, thanks very much for your kind reply and I also pray that all of us who have lost our mums will receive peace and solace from the good Lord! And we should also thank God that we had them as our mothers. Without a doubt, one day we will surely meet them again!

Jun 15, 2014
miss my mom badly
by: Anonymous

My mom passed away on Day of Ascension, after I left her hospital room. She was a very warm and cultured person, and placed her hope in Jesus. She loved us unconditionaly.
Hospitals are awful, they just think about costs, she could have lived years longer if they only tried.
I miss her so much, if I knew how I would like to die and be with her. Why can't Jesus take me from this empty rotten earth and reunite us?

May 21, 2014
Hi Jasmine
by: Bobbi

I believe that was your mom giving you signs of comfort. I found a feather, 2 pennies and 1 quarter, and the fragrance of the awful lotion the hospital used on my mom the first week after she crossed over. I also had 2 distressing dreams of her right after she passed but recently, she was talking to me and smiling in my dream. She gave me a hug and I felt a touch on my arms and woke up. My mom did not want to die. She was a lively, happy, warm, compassionate, beautiful woman who received a terrible fate of a brain tumor. Her siblings are in their 80's and 90's and she was the youngest. There is no cancer on her side of the family so this brain cancer came out of nowhere. I can't wrap my head around it.

I know those were signs. I miss my mom so very much and I cry every day and night. She passed on March 31, 2014 and it seems like I'm feeling worse each day. I'm still in denial and can't believe that she is really gone. I'm living in her house so that my dad isn't alone but it's excruciating because every corner of this house is her. She was my best friend and my confidant. I can't believe I won't ever go shopping with her again or take care of her or just have fun with her. A true tragedy. I am very sorry for your loss as I know how your heart is broken. I hope you find peace someday.


May 21, 2014
by: Check Shyong Quek

I would really like to know if anyone out there has had the same experience as I did. I am a Christian and did not know and would not have believed this 40 day-visitation of the soul until my mum passed away in December last year. The first week or during the 9 days after her passing, there were signs that she came to visit me by unmistakable smells and fragrance. The first one was the unmistakable smell of my mother with her skin moisturizer; the second one was the same smell plus fragrance of a flower which I did not really know what kind of flower it was. The third time which lasted the longest, about 6 to 8 seconds was totally the fragrance of the flower which was a strong fragrance. The next day I went to my friend's house and his friend who was staying with him got to know about this and went to my friend's garden and brought back some flowers which is JASMINE and it was exactly 100% the fragrance I experienced the night before. After that, I am a total believer in this 40 day-visitation. My church actually forbids us to believe in all this and told us that the soul sleeps after death until resurrection day but now I Know this is not true - the soul does visit their loved-ones and give signs to try to comfort them. I am comforted by the signs but I am still in great agony because the loss is real in a physical sense where I could not see her physically anymore and I do not have the chance anymore to care for her, cook for her, wash her laundry, buy her favourite foods, etc.. And now that she is gone, I only realized that it was a privilege and enjoyment to serve her while she was alive because we enjoyed talking to each other very much and she was always there for me no matter what! And I will always remember that My Mother is the only person in the world that truly loves me unconditionally.

May 18, 2014
by: Bobbi

Omg. Same thing happened to my mom. Different illness but similar story. I tried to fight for my mom too and my family would tell me to knock it off and control myself. I didn't get to give my mom justice either but I know she knew I tried and your mom does too. I am heartbroken over my mom's passing which was March 2014. She just turned 79 two weeks before she died. The hospitals just want to put people down like animals and move on to the next patient. I'm so sorry your feeling pain as I am also but don't feel guilty because you did try. Take care of yourself.


Oct 11, 2013
I wish Mom could come back as well
by: J's Daughter

I lost my mom 1 month ago today. So many regrets of things that happened in the hospital. They did her no favors, but I don't think Mom was aware too much of anything that went on. We thought we'd get to take her home at one point, and then, sadly, things got worse again, and we finally decided on "comfort care" in the hospital so Mom could pass with the dignity and respect she deserved. I feared if we waited longer, she may have a heart attack or something. She had been septic, and with underlying MS, it's hard to come back from that. She was in the hospital 3 months. Three long months. I don't think Mom even knew. I know we'll see our loved ones again, but for now, this is all too hard.

Feb 25, 2013
I want my mom to come back too
by: Diane

My mom died one year and 7 months ago and I can't get over it. As a matter of fact, it's worse now than it was right after she died. I was numb then...now I think about everything and the feelings come pouring back. She had a hernia that she wouldn't fix and she died of a strangulated colon. The operated and said that if she made it through 48 hours, she would be "out of the woods". I was with her as much as possible for those 48 hours and, when she survived, I was relieved and tired of being at the hospital so I went home and didn't come back for 2 or 3 days. I can't forgive myself for doing that. When I came back, I knew something was wrong but they kept reassuring me that everything was fine. She was on a respirator and couldn't talk. I went home that night, had a fight with my husband and slept on the couch. The phone rang about 7 a.m. but I was too tired and too far away from it to get up and answer and my husband wouldn't answer it either. They called three times and the third time I got up and answered it. They told me to come to the hospital and I knew that she was dead. What a bad way to go. We never got to talk or share or say goodbye. I hate life...it's just a big joke because, no matter how happy or successful you are, the end is always painful, hard and you end up dead. What's it all for? Why did God give us feelings that lead to so much pain?

Feb 08, 2013
Life is a Joke
by: NoOne

My mom died 10 years ago with bone marrow cancer. My father died 4 years ago with pulmonary disease due to excessive smoking after my mom's death.The only girl friend in my life died 2 years ago with ovarian cancer. One day when I woke up, I realized there was no mom asking me to have break fast, no dad to ask how my day was at work and no phone call from my girl friend of 8 years inquiring whether I had lunch today.Now it's all silence wherever I go and whatever I do. I am 36 and there is nothing left to look forward to in my life. I am 90% dead in the inside but still living. What's the solution to me?

Nov 12, 2012
I Want My Mom
by: Red

My name is Red, and my mom passed away on June 3rd, 2012, at 21:34.

She has advanced, severe ovarian cancer. She went in for surgery on April 19th, 2012, and although it was a success, the doctor mentioned that it would be an uphill battle for mom.....and it was.

Mom attempted chemptherapy, but it made her really ill, as the cancer was too advanced, and it was inevitable that she was going to pass away.

May 26th, in the evening, she took a turn for the worse, and was placed on oxygen tanks. She was lucid during the week of Memorial Day 2012, and by the end of that week, she went really downhill, and spiraled down.

On June 3rd, she passed away, with her daughters at her side.

I hate cancer, and I want to take it to court and sue it for killing my beloved mother. I want my mom, and I miss her so very much.

My mom and I were inseperable, and I am very angry at the cancer for what it had done to my mother. I love her so very much, I miss her immensly, and I want my mom.

Aug 05, 2012
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your pain. All of you. Know that you will see her again in Heaven.

Jul 22, 2012
I love my mom. I want you
by: Patty

My mom died on June 8 2012 from pancreatic cancer. We only had 39 from first symptom to death. I love my mom very much. I cry every night for her. During the day I am distracted and do better. I am the seventh of eight children and it has been hard on the family. We are blessed by an amazing spiritual father who is doing a great job at keeping us together. This has been a hard experience, but also a very spiritual journey as well. I got to spend her last three days helping care for her at home. She told that people were there to get her. She absolutely was ready to go. So sweet when my dad would say, Beth you do all things well. You'll do this well too. (meaning die) My mother is not finished mothering. She is watching over me now. There are little tender mercies from God showing me these things. She was wanted and needed on the "other side". All our losses will eventually be made up to us. We can not know the reasons God does what he does, but I believe no righteous person is taken before their time. The Lord is kind and good and does not make mistakes. All of our afflictions will be consecrated for our gain eventually. We have the anticipation of a glorious reunion with our loved ones ahead. There is more hope than you know. There is more love than despair. I wish you all could feel it... Christ is the life and light of this world. Be still and know that he is God...

Apr 22, 2012
I want my mom to come back too
by: cheryl

I read what you wrote, because I want my mom to come back too, my mom died almost 2 months ago, and easter came and went, and I also wanted my mom to come back on easter. I look for her all the time. I have bad dreams, I had a dream I spilled all her ashes, then another one I couldn't pay her past mortgage, these dreams wake me up and I cry. I went outside the other night and cried like a baby. I didn't want anyone to see me cry so hard. Oneday I am ok, the next day wham, it starts all over. I met a man at the park yesterday, he stopped when my sister and I were in her car talking. He started talking about Jesus, and he said we needed to live for meeting him one day, and see our mother in heaven. That did give me hope, because I had almost none. I didn't even care what improvements to my house I made anymore, because it seemed like, who cares, you get a house, you die, and then your kids have to see all your junk, and sell your house. But I have new hope now, if I turn my life to Jesus and live to see him and my mom, I do have hope. Last weekend I went to quick care to get antidepressants, I was a mess, meeting this young man did help me...Greatly. I want my mom back too, and I am glad to see that someone else says this. My mom was 80, last year she was fine, for 8 months she was sick, then she needed a feeding tube, so we also got hospice, my mother also starved to death, when you get older food tastes bad, as you get close to death, your body no longer needs food. You could not of saved your mother, any more than I could mine. We are grieving, its a process, look it up, I have been angry and now I am in the sad/depressed state. I am going to look to Jesus

Apr 12, 2012
Death Panel?
by: Anonymous

My mom passed away 3l days ago. She had been unable to walk for close to 10 years. Her heart was still happy and she brought so much love to all of us. My dad passed away from cancer on 11/4/2011 and my mom just seemed to quit. All she wanted was my dad. We took her to the hospital on monday...they sent her home with an antibotic and hospice who ordered a "comfort Pack" for my mom on saturday am and she was dead on sunday. The liquid morphine and ativan put her out completely and I never got to say goodbye
I feel as if I let her down and that hospice "helped" her go to my dad. My heart aches so bad that I did not protect her. I am positive that a "death panel" decided it was okay to "help" her achieve being with my dad. God help

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