I want my mummy now !!!!!

by Annette loechel
(Albury nsw australia)

I thought I was the only one in the whole wide world that wants there mummy back but now I know I
Not alone but does that make it any easier ? No !!! Oh my god how am I ever going to survive without her not only was she my mum but also my best friend my days are spent with a deep deep ache inside of me if your listening to me god I am not happy with you why would you take her when we all needed her here with us do you know what you have done to me and my 3 brothers can you hear me I WANT MY MUM BACK everyone says stay strong HOW?????? What good does it do if I haven't got mummy they don't know what it's like to love somebody the way I loved my mum it's been a year 2 days ago since she had to go the only little peace I get is knowing that mummy is now with Leanne my sister who died 5 years ago to cancer mum and I nursed her at home how hard was that watching my one and only sister die at the age of 44 my poor mummy hurt so bad that I think apart of her went with Leanne then 5 years later it was mummy turn to go 12 months previously she had a lump in her groin and couldn't walk so we took her to the hospital they did a chest X-ray before operating it showed something was on a lung so she had a biopsy we had to wait for the results oh what a nightmare but when they came back negative they were clear I'd never cried with happiness before in my life but that day mummy and I both cried thinking thank you dear lord thank you but ...... 12 months later it started again my mummy was a independent woman she mowed her own lawns done everything for herself then all of a sudden she couldn't her personality changed not in a horriable way but I could tell something wasn't right but nobody in the family would listen to me they thought I was off my head then mummy started to fall and had pain in her rib here we go something that I didn't want to deal with as I truly knew this is was going to be bad they done another biopsy that came back negative phew but was sent to Melbourne for a p e t scan and sure as hell there was the monster in the spine rib brain and right lung why they hadn't picked it up at our local has got me stuffed we came home the next day mum was burning up rang a ambo and she was put bk in hospital where she stayed for weeks and weeks eventually they said she could come home only to me well that was it I knew we were in big trouble and mummy agreed to come home yo me that was not normal as usually she wouldn't want to leave trev my youngest brother that had always lived at home with her my hubby moved into the spare room so mum could sleep with me I'd lay there at night and she would put her hand on my neck oh how I wish I could feel her hand there tonight when I go to bed one night I said mummy what will I do if this turns out bad she said you will have to be strong as you have Chris my son and the grand kids to think of which I do but it doesn't make it any better mummy was suppose to start radiation on the following Monday Sunday afternoon my brothers came up to see her we sat out the back under the pergola on a beautiful day mummy got tired so trev and I put her bk to bed. She never got up again she didn't wake for her meds so I got into bed abt 11 her breathing was laboured but I thought well why wouldn't it be approx 4 in the morning she woke saying she had a massive headache so I got her meds she dozed off I went outside and looked up to the stars crying and prayed my hear to god " if you must take her please don't let her suffer take her now " at 700am he had taken her WHY !!!!!!!!! I love you mummy and miss you more then all the stars in the sky and yes I'm trying my hardest to stay strong but I want you back I get scared coz I don't think I can stay strong for much longer please come home dear sweet Jesus take this message to my mummy up above tell her how I miss her and give her all my live remembering her is easy I do it every day but there's an ache in my heart that will not go away xxxxx give Leanne a big hug for me xxxx Annette a grown woman that feels like a lost little girl needing her mothers love BADLY

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