I want my Sean back!!

by Carol , Seans mom
(Bellingham, mass)

My beautiful boy!!

My beautiful boy!!

Hello, This is Carol, Sean's mom. It will be eleven months soon since I got the dreadful phone call. Life now is a struggle. I struggle every single day.My heart aches more and more each day. I feel that life goes on and we only matter to a few.I think of Sean morning, noon and night. I hope and pray he is at peace because I know I carry enough pain for the two of us. What becomes of the moms left behind. I go to Compassionate Friends and have met wonderful people living the same nightmare. I get up and go to work. I am a walking shell. I try to be the best mom I can for my two daughters but I am nothing like I use to be. They not only lost their brother but they lost the mom they should of had. They struggle. He was 24 and had so many plans. I can hear him telling me all the time. I always told him he was so smart but needed to be patient. He was young I told him. You have time. Those words will haunt me until I die. I love my children with every ounce of my being and now one is gone. I don't know how to function in a world without him. I am turning 50 soon and he should of turned 25 last April 6th. He was with me half my life. What do I do now? I am broken beyond repair. God help me and give me the strength to help his sisters. Please let me feel moments of peace because my heart is broke and my soul destroyed....

Comments for I want my Sean back!!

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Oct 07, 2012
so sorry
by: Cathy

Hi Carol your Sean is a handsome young man, time passes so fast and you just dont know where they have gone you want to hear their voice and see them but when you cannot do that it is frustating, I too want my Brandon back but it is not so it is almost a year but for me time has just stopped and i cannot move on , he was also my eldest and we were together for 21 years and i loved him more than life but now i am alive but not living just moving on from day to day for the sake of my other children but i long to be united with him once again. God bless you.

Oct 05, 2012
Me too
by: Ryans Mom

Hi Carol - I so understand. I have cried out (sobbed) many times - I want my Ryan back. I am so so sorry for the loss of your Sean. To lose these sons so young is a hard thing to bear. We don't want it but we have no choice. As time goes on all kinds of emotions surface. In time some of your days will feel okay ( i dont think we can call them normal). But still my heart aches everyday and its coming up on 1yr 10 months. I just dont think that will ever end. I have read many of your post - if you ever want to talk u can email me @ ryansmom4ever@gmail.com

Oct 04, 2012
May this bless you
by: Anonymous

Bring Up a Child

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, They will not leave it.

Lord, thank You for this promise. I lift up my children daily to You, for only You can protect them, guide them, knock on the door of their hearts and entreat them to let You enter their lives and be their Friend.

I must admit that I have pangs of guilt a midst the stabs of pain. For one of my children was started on the path, but he chose to snuff out his light himself . . . so how does this text apply to him?

My question remains suspended in the air between us. I suspect no answer will come . . . this side of heaven. I also suspect this is where trust comes in, right Lord?

I choose to trust that You will keep each promise in Your Word, and all of them joined together end to end, include all of Your precious children. For You are in the business of saving lives, not destroying them.

So keep knocking on the door of our hearts. Keep directing our paths. Eternity is where Your eyes are focused . . . and so are mine.

Oct 04, 2012
Walk in the world for Sean
by: Anonymous

Your Sean was indeed beautiful, and he still is, in heaven. Please live every day for him, enjoy Christmas and birthdays for him, walk in the world and feel the breeze for him ---- you still have the years he didn't have. It's like you are carrying those years for him, living them out until you meet again. He's going to hope you care for his sisters!! And remember that he died loving you. I was completely estranged from my daughter, and it is agony.

Oct 04, 2012
Your son Sean
by: Debi M.

Carol -

Please know that I am so sorry in the loss of your son Sean. I just cannot imagine the pain you have inside and I only wish you peace and comfort in each new day. God Bless.

Debi M.

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