I want you to hug me so much

by Sarah
(Manhattan, Ny)

All I want is to be hugged by you again like when I was a small child. I miss you so much, how you would call every other day to check on me, when you would get mad because you were worried. I miss you. I wish I could be sharing everything I am going through with you, you might understand, no one else seems to, yes it has been three months since I was the last one to see you breathe, yes it has been 3 months since i help put you on the stretcher, and yes it has been 3 months since cancer ate your body away in less then 6 months and left me without my mother, but its only been three months.

That feels like nothing. everything feels like nothing. I remember being so wrongly angry at you for what I was feeling that last month. I'm sorry I was just so fucking terrified. I was losing you, my home, my job, my car, everything all in one fell swoop. But I would give it all away so I could be with you again. Maybe that's why everything feels meaningless.

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