I was he's sunshine..
I lost my father on april 5th this year. He was suffering from stomach cancer. It is very hard for me to understand that he will never come to my room and call me he's sunshine. I am 16 year old. He promised to teach me how to drive this summer, take me fishing (I always wanted to go with him, but he used to say that I am too young and that I am a girl so i shouldnt go with him).
He tought me everything I know, taught me to never give up on doing what you love. He loved his job! But it was very hard for him. He was a strong 54 year old man who took care of me, my older brother, older sister and especially my mom. I miss him a lot, just thinking of him brings me tears to my eyes. When he died i couldnt believe it. I didn't cry at the funeral, don't know why. I can't cry infront of people because of it...
I appreciate every single day that we spent together. I want to forget everything because memories brings me pain but at the same time I don't want to forget because he was my father and I love him...
I try to socialise, look normal, not to think about it. Go to school, try to make my mom happy. I am trying... But when I am alone, the pain is exploding inside of me, It's like i can't stop crying, like the pain isn't hurting me physically but mentally. I feel like I am not a child anymore. Maybe I am stronger? But at the same time I am weak.
My life is upside down at this moment. I am not happy any more like I used to be. And I will never be the same person anymore, the same little daddy's little sunshine.