I was ten..

It was fathers day, my mother had already been loosing it, depression was over taking her. She wanted to kill herself, but that wasnt what did her in. She was at a very bad mental state, not able to control her actions. My father was helping her to the shower, she had made a mess in her sleep and he wanted to get her clean up, yet she had a heart attack, dropping to the ground and having it. He yelled to my brothers to call 911 I was in my room, which was next to my parents room. I soon peaked my head out of the door to see my dad preforming CPR, I went back into my room and into my closet. I went into a fetal position and kept chanting "please let mommy be ok."

Soon the parametic came, they preformed CPR out the door and in the ambulance, we followed after, soon we were at the hospital crying trying to reassure are selves yet it was all for not. They came in saying there was nothing they could do. We began to cry, and cry, and cry. We were heart broken. Soon we went back home, dad sat back in a chair and cried my brothers and I went into are rooms to cry, we all wanted to be alone.

Friends and family came days later, all staying in hotels or the house as we waited for the day of the funeral. I myself went to a friends house a lot. Even if it was just her mother. We would talk about what was going on but her mother soon grew to be annoyed and asked that I didnt come back. Yet during the days up to the funeral, I people came to clean and help us out, my moms family cleaned her room, I was very sick that day and they didnt know why. My brothers hockey team did some yard work for us. And people sent us food to eat.

The funeral was long and hard, I stayed in the room we with food and tables since I couldnt much stand to be down there. Teachers came, bringing me gifts yet I will never forget my 4th grade teacher, she gave me a gift that I still have to this day. A pink pillow pet elephant, and she talked with me over the summer a lot. Kids I knew from school, most likely dragged there by there parents, since no one in school liked me. Others came to, yet none of it helped that much.

The 5 stages of grief weren't much in my life, I kinda just hid my feelings, talking to a grief councler to help me out. But I never was or would be the same. I became more quiet and clingy loosing a lot of friends, my dad remarried and I was alone, all alone in a cruel world without a true mother.

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Jul 13, 2014
I was ten...
by: Doreen UK

Being TEN and losing your mother is such a tragedy to your family. No one knows how to react as the family splits up and sits alone trying to process their loss and how they will go on each day without a mother. Your father lost his wife and this is very PAINFUL. No one can help each other as you all become FRACTURED by grief and losing the most important person from your lives.
Your father will have re-married because he couldn't stand the loneliness and being alone. God created woman for man so he wouldn't be alone. So when your father remarried this was nothing to do with you. He had his own needs and this was his way of coping. You may feel your needs were never met and so may have felt abandoned by everyone, and so still feel alone.
Talking to a counsellor does help. You have done this and a very wise thing to do. I don't know what age you are at now and who cared for you during these years of loss of your mother. Perhaps you can write back with an update of where your life is at now. I guess you still feel alone. It takes a long time to heal from grief. I look forward to hearing from you again for further support if you need this.

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