I wasn't prepared for this

My dad died very unexpectedly on December 16 2012. He had a blood vessel in the center of his brain that popped. Because of where the vessel was the doctors could not do surgery on it. I arrived at the hospital two and a half hours after he went in. I lived an hour away and I didn't know how serious it was. They told me that he would either die or stay in a coma forever. He went brain dead right after the vessel popped and his brain could not tell him to breath anymore. He died later that day around 5:30pm. He had gotten a divorce from his second wife a few years ago so my sisters and I were left to make the decisions and arrangements. He was only 46 and I am 27, my sisters 21 and the other two days from her 20 th and seven months pregnant. I am so thankful he got to walk me down the aisle in may this year but i cant help but feel like a part of my heart is missing. I feel like a week and a half later it's all hitting me now. I can't stop crying at night. Does anyone have a story like this? How did you deal with the pain?

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Dec 30, 2012
by: Deb

I relate to Carol's comment so much...it is hard to accept the fact that I will never talk to my Dad again. My Dad passed away suddenly on October 24th. I am still struggling with acceptance. I think one thing I have learned over the past several weeks (and reminding myself of everyday), is that there isn't going to be a time when I wake up and just feel better (although I wish that were true). I feel like I SHOULD be feeling better by now, but I am not....I have to learn that is ok and I think that is what I would tell others. I don't cry everyday as I used to, but the pain is still there and memories still make me cry more than smile...I know that will get easier with time, and everyone has to feel better in their own time...nobody can tell you what you should feel and when you should feel better.

Dec 29, 2012
I can relate to you Doreen
by: Carol, UK

My dad died on 28th November 2012 in exactly the same way as your dad, Doreen. I know what you are going through - it is truly awful. I am finding it difficult to accept that my dad has gone. My life and the lives of my family will never be the same again. I am trying to take comfort in the fact that I know it hurts so much because I loved him so much. Having him in my life was a blessing and I am sure you feel the same way. I am trying to focus on all the good memories but it is so hard to accept that I will never see my dad again. Just taking each day as it comes and relying on good friends and family to let me grieve as I need to. Thinking of you.

Dec 28, 2012
I wasn't prepared for this
by: Doreen U.K.

Because you are crying this means that you are grieving. If you didn't cry something would be wrong. Often some people are so numb they can't feel anything for a while almost as if their grief is frozen and they cannot feel anything for a while. It is because they are in shock. I am sorry you lost your dad at such a young age for you all to deal with.
Life is very difficult when going on in life on our own. I am so happy your father got to walk you down the aisle as this would have been such a great loss and heartache for you to deal with. It is just sad that your dad won't see his new grandchild.
My husband died almost 8 months ago and he can't see his 2 young grandchildren grow up. I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you find comfort in your grief and supportive family and friends to help you in the days and weeks ahead.

Dec 27, 2012
I wasn't prepared for this
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your Dad to a sudden death. I didn't have this happen to me but I did lose my husband almost 8 months ago to Lung cancer caused by working with asbestos. I nursed my husband for over 3yrs. and had to watch him suffer and die slowly. I had to look into the face of my beloved and know he was going to die and I could do nothing about this. I feel as if I am locked into a nightmare. Some people wake up from a nightmare or bad dream and thankful it was only a dream. My nightmare is REALITY. DEATH. is the reality that feels like an eternity to deal with.
I can understand where you are at in your grief and how you must be feeling. You lost a very young father. It is harder losing one so young as opposed to an elderly relative that is expected to die due to their age. And still even with an elderly relative it is still very hard to lose from your life. Everyone has someone who is so special to them and needed in their life. You must have had a difficult Christmas to deal with. The New Year will be especially hard to deal with knowing your father is not here to celebrate a New Year with the anticipation this brings. Plans for holidays and get together's is so very hard to deal with. I cannot bear to think of a new day. I just let happen what Will as I can't plan a day that has no meaning yet. Life is difficult for everyone facing a loss of a loved one. It is hard to move on with our lives. Grief is different for everyone and you will have to process for yourself what you are able to handle. None of us are prepared for death. We are not meant to think of death unless you are approaching old age when one then starts to plan for their funerals by either paying for this on a funeral plan or putting the money aside for this. It is right to plan Life but not plan death unless one is of a certain age, otherwise it robs one of the joy of living. If you are feeling overwhelmed by your loss and struggling. Try and arrange some grief counsellor. They are trained to support one in bereavement. Counselling will take the edge off your grief pain. I hope you have supportive extended family as this does help us cope better. I have this in place for myself and I am able to cope better. I hope that you will be comforted in your grief and that you will in time be able to move forward and realise that life does become better. It just takes Time.

Dec 27, 2012
I wasn't prepared either
by: Katie

I lost my dad very suddenly in November, he went out for a drink, had a heart attack at the bar and was gone. For me it's getting more and more real as the shock is starting to wear off and I'm trying to be strong for my mum while dying slowly inside. I have no answers but we're trying to be grateful for the life he had and that he didn't suffer, I'm glad for you your dad walked you down the aisle, we've only just got engaged and the thought of my wedding day now reduces me to tears.
Take a day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself, it's good to cry and your not alone

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