I wasn't ready to say Good-bye
Christmas is coming closer and all I feel is panic. I miss him so desperately it feels like my heart is just going to stop beating. But then I think to myself that wouldn't be the worse thing to happen would it? I'm sure we all ask ourselves that question don't we? We just can't voice it to our family and friends because they don't understand and most likely think "Great, she's finally lost it", get the men in the white coats.
Those thoughts are better kept to ourselves. I am grateful to have this place to voice them with no worries. It's my heart talking, missing and wanting something I can't have anymore.
But in a sense, we already know the answers ~ continue on, things will get better, we all love you and he'll always be with you...
bla bla bla ~
I'm so tired of the Bla's.
I jump between tears of sorrow and despair and tears of anger why? I see so many here on this site that have their "Faith and God" and wonder whats wrong with me? Where's mine, because I sure don't seem to have any.
I listen to songs of "I'll Remember You" by Elvis, "I miss my Friend" by Daryl Worthy and then there's "When Your Gone" by Avil Lavigne. Why do I inflict pain on myself listening to songs that will make me hurt and cry again. I'm not surviving or coping well and I listen to songs that just make me miss him more, make my heart ache and send me into the insanity of wanting him so much. What's wrong with me?
I want him here with me, I don't want to live without him ~ How do I go on when my life has been destroyed?
I feel like I'm out of control ~
Do we ever get over Grief?
No ~ we just get through it so I'm told, we can't go around it and there are no short cuts. Yippee Skippy Believe me, I've tried.
I have been so ready to jump off this road of pain and sorrow so many times ~ But ~ it doesn't work that way. Our lives just become different, we learn to live with a part of our hearts gone.
I know, I know. It sucks ~ So I'll cry the tears once again, hoping and praying that I'll see him in my dreams tonight ~ and remind myself ~
1 step, 1 breath at a time ~
P.S. ~ God, if you can hear me, please give me strength. I'm having a difficult time right now I could really use a little help ~