I wasn't ready to say goodbye!
(Coconut Creek, Fl)
It has been almost 3 months since my husband passed away unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. He was only 46yrs old with two daughters 11 and 13 years old.
I heard a knock at the door and saw two policemen and my heart skipped a beat. They came in and asked that the children leave the room. That's when they explained that my husband was in a motorcycle accident and had not survived. I couldn't quite comprehend what they were saying and even thought that they could take back the words and everything would be alright again. Breaking the news to the girls was just the worst.
I think I then walked around in a strange bubble for about 2 weeks before the enormity of the situation sank in. It was almost like he was away on business and would be back soon. This wasn't what we had seen in our future. There were so many things left unsaid and I didn't get to say goodbye. Neither was I ready to say goodbye.
Trying to find the strength to be strong for my daughters has been both a blessing and a burden. Without them I would have no purpose to carry on but I hope that I can help them through this troubling time.
I walk about in a daze watching people living their lives, planning their lives with their loved ones and I'm jealous and angry that I don't have that anymore. I'm angry about pretty much everything these days! I can't move on when I still want to hold onto what we had. My soul mate and other half has moved on without out me.
I know he wouldn't want me to cry like I do as he was the most positive person I ever met but it's hard not to when my heart hurts so much. I hang onto the hope from others that have experienced the same that I will find peace and comfort with time.