I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

by Jayne
(Coconut Creek, Fl)

It has been almost 3 months since my husband passed away unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. He was only 46yrs old with two daughters 11 and 13 years old.
I heard a knock at the door and saw two policemen and my heart skipped a beat. They came in and asked that the children leave the room. That's when they explained that my husband was in a motorcycle accident and had not survived. I couldn't quite comprehend what they were saying and even thought that they could take back the words and everything would be alright again. Breaking the news to the girls was just the worst.
I think I then walked around in a strange bubble for about 2 weeks before the enormity of the situation sank in. It was almost like he was away on business and would be back soon. This wasn't what we had seen in our future. There were so many things left unsaid and I didn't get to say goodbye. Neither was I ready to say goodbye.
Trying to find the strength to be strong for my daughters has been both a blessing and a burden. Without them I would have no purpose to carry on but I hope that I can help them through this troubling time.
I walk about in a daze watching people living their lives, planning their lives with their loved ones and I'm jealous and angry that I don't have that anymore. I'm angry about pretty much everything these days! I can't move on when I still want to hold onto what we had. My soul mate and other half has moved on without out me.
I know he wouldn't want me to cry like I do as he was the most positive person I ever met but it's hard not to when my heart hurts so much. I hang onto the hope from others that have experienced the same that I will find peace and comfort with time.

Comments for I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

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Jul 10, 2014
I love you!!
by: Francinna

I left for orientation for my new job! Excited to be moving forward, how did I ever know that I would not get to say good bye. I came home to find my husband of 21 years laying across our bed unresponsive. Its been 2 weeks and I am functioning but in a daze. God give me strength to get through this! I love you always!!

Jun 26, 2014
God Had Other Plans
by: Chuck

I'm Chuck. I posted May 30. My wife had MS.
Wanted to post lyrics to a song I wrote.

God Had Other Plans

Never got to say goodbye
Stayed up nights and wondered why
We never second guessed our love
I move on with some regret
Realized it was for the best
Though we fit just like a glove

And in the end
God had other planspp
He called you home to heaven
And now I understand
I'm just a man
Powers in his hands
I love you forever
Even though I may never understand
Why God had other plans.

I moved on with a broken heart
Been so long since we been apart
I just had to ask God why?
Missed your touch that never came
Filled with anger hurt and blame
Every night broke down and cried

And in the end
God had other plans
He called you home to heaven
And now I understand
I'm just a man
Powers in his hands
I love you forever
Even though I may never understand
Why God had other plans.

I moved and things have changed
My whole life's been rearranged
I no longer question why
There is healing in my heart
Looking for a brand new start
Cause I need a loving touch.

And in the end
God had other plans
He called you home to heaven
And now I understand
I'm just a man
Powers in his hands
I love you forever
Even though I may never understand
Why God had other plans.

My wifes favorite saying when we went
somewhere is"were off like a herd of turtles".
When you submit a post to this sight they
give you a word to put into the field below
for security purposes. The word they gave me
was "TURTLES". They are always with us!!!

May 30, 2014
Moving forward with an aching heart.
by: Chuck

I lost my wife almost 11 months ago to complication of multiple sclerosis. I took care of her 24/7 at home for 2 1/2 years.She had never been hospitalized and the had 3 hospital stays in her last 3 months. 2 Very bad urinary tract infections and then a colon infection. I think that we are so busy being hopeful or trying to think positively that we don't say goodbye even when it seems we have a chance to.I know that is the case for me. My wife spiked a temp after the staff
In ICU thought the infection was under control. My wife was conscious all day until that point. They put life support in and took her for a CAT scan and found her whole colon was compromised.She was frail, the Docs said she'd never make through the surgery because her entire colon needed to be removed. My wife was horribly afraid to die. I had the choice
to have her conscious again but after a day of waiting for relatives and friends to arrive chose to not revive her. I whispered my goodbyes in her ear. Hope she heard me.
15 people watched her take her last breath less then 5 minutes after life support was removed. Her death was also hastened because she also had developed pneumonia and the staff had titrated O2 levels down all day. She passed on July 4th 2013. My oldest daughter says it was her independence day after living in a body and losing all abilities. My wife remained loving and grateful through 10 years of very aggressive MS progression.
I miss her every day.We were together 15 years. I grieved in our house in Connecticut 7 months. I have since moved to Nashville to pursue a life long dream of becoming a published songwriter which my wife always supported me in.
I have memorialized our lives together in a song dedicated it to her. I hope that this will help some one. Thanks for being here.

Oct 16, 2012
Completely destroyed
by: Anonymous

My husband was in perfect health. 3 months ago, he was experiencing typical cold/flu symptoms. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and told he would be hospitalized for a couple of days. He died 4 days later in hospital from acute myeloid leukemia.

I was never told, while in hospital,that he was going to die and my husband was not aware of what was going on due being so heavily medicated. By the time I was told about his new diagnosis of leukemia (day 2), he already had a breathing tube down his throat and completely sedated.
I was robbed of any opportunity to have any conversation, let alone to say goodbye. When I confronted his doctors after his death, they admitted they knew he was going to die but did not want to destroy my hopes. Moreover, his doctors shared that they had actually kept him alive a little while longer so I would have time to spend with him (even if sedated)
Losing someone so special after 35 years is hard enough, but to know that you could have had an opportunity to say goodbye, but it was taken from you needlessly is devasting. I am competely broken. This horrible past experience is destroying my mental and physical health more and more as each day goes by.

Sep 15, 2012
I didn't get to say good bye
by: Anonymous

I work graveyard shift. I didn't get to say goodbye to my husband. We were only married for 4 years. I just turn 35 on aug 8th but passed away aug 27th. My 2 yo slept with him. I know he wasn't planing to go. We were looking to expanding our family. A little bro or sister for our son. We've been kind of arguing a lot since he hasn't been working. I'm very angry, at anything and everything. It's so unreal. I'm still pretending he's on a business trip, that he'll be back home soon...he was my first for many things...he loved me so much and I am not sure if I tell him how much I appreciated enough...I hate people that came to say "sorry" and " condolense" because they are telling me he's dead for sure and I don't want to hear/ know. I want to still continue living in my now fantasy world of our little family. No one can and will love me as much as he did... It's not fair and I have no one to blame. I just want to join him but the thought of my 2 year old growing up in stranger, I couldn't .. I'm torn.....

Mar 08, 2012
They are with us everyday
by: Anonymous

It was saddening to read everyone's stories. Losing a partner is very different to losing a parent or grandparent, mother or father. I lost my son 3 years ago and it doesn't get easier you just learn to deal with the pain. There will still be days that I can't stop thinking of him and I cry a lot. But that's ok - it makes me feel like I have released a lot of what I suppress often.

My children are what keep me going and my hubby. It will never be the same without our brother, son and companion but I believe that they do walk beside us. Back on the 22/02 I wrote about him and how I feel. I sat in silence and wrote and wrote and wrote. I felt him so close that night. I also have a memory book where I write all the memories I have. I encourage my family to write in it too.

Keep strong ladies and believe in yourself. The power of our inner emotions are so strong but we are too to deal with them and continue to guide our children through their lives.

All the best x

Aug 17, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Jackie

Jayne, I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my husband in a blink of a eye. He had a heart attack and was gone before I returned to our bedroom. I did not get to say Goodbye or I love you. I was in a fog for about 4 months. I understand your feelings about seeing couples or families together. Why are they the lucky ones they get to keep there family unit together? My son and I have gone thru hard times adjusting to the new normal. I miss the love of life, my sounding board, the Father of my son. I mostly miss the person that always told me it was going to be ok. When you are ready find a good grief counselor or support group. My prayers are with you and your daughters. May God bless your Family.

Aug 16, 2011
There is no Good Bye
by: Zoe

Saying Good bye is done with planning and action, your beloved did not plan to leave you this way anymore than you planned on him leaving.
You are not saying good bye, you are looking for the life you will have now. The woman you were before he was taken no longer exists.
You are no longer wife, you are now widow. The your time has stopped, everyone else around you is still moving forward you, however,are frozen in the moment of your loss.
You understand that it does not matter how much you plan, or how strongly you love, it can be taken away.
You will find this grief you are on crushing. When you think you can do no more remember put your head down
and do as we say
one breath, one step, one day at a time
come here often, write when you need to
we are always here, and we understand.

Aug 16, 2011
No one is ever ready
by: Judy

No one is ever ready to say goodbye. My husband was taken after a 75 day battle with illness and I certainly wasn't ready to let him go. But we did have a chance to say some things to each other that we wanted to say. To have your husband snatched away so suddenly must be very overwhelming. I am so sorry.

You have come to a good place where people completely understand your feelings and you can say exactly how you feel. It is good you found us early. We will always be here.


Aug 16, 2011
Saying Goodbye
by: Judith

Jayne, no one is ever ready for the loss of their loved one. Even when it's a long illness and death is expected we just can't prepare ourselves for the total heartbreak of it.

Saying "goodbye" may not be what you want to do rather than saying "until we meet again".

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and glad you have your two daughters to see each other through it.

God be with you all and see you through to peace and acceptance.

Aug 16, 2011
feeling your pain
by: theresa

I lost my husband 7 months ago at age 50 and also have a 5 year old.Everyone says it gets easier and I hope so. After my son is put down at night;I fall apart. I have still not moved his boots from the back door and I moved our bed into the spare room because I cant bear to lay in it without him. I get angry when I am out shopping and see other families because I no longer have that. Everyone tries to be nice but when they say "I know how you feel because I lost someone" it makes me want to scream because losing your spouse is unlike any other loss. Praying that you find the strength to carry you thru. Still seeking, Theresa

Aug 16, 2011
It's Hard Work
by: TrishJ

We never get over the loss. We only learn to live with it. The crushing overwhelming pain does eventually get to the point of something we can deal with. It never goes away. Our love for those we have lost is always there.
I told my son and daughter when my husband passed away that we all have to live our lives in a way that their dad would be proud of us. That's all any of us can do.
Your beautiful daughters are a part of their father. He will always be with you.
Today would've been my 38th wedding anniversary. I lost my husband 8 months ago. I miss him more today than ever.......but I know I can't keep looking in the rear view mirror only and expecting to drive forward. I need to look ahead. I'm not quite ready to move forward but I'm working on it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I lost loved ones in the past but nothing in this life prepared me for the crushing overwhelming pain brought on by my husband's death. It's really devastating. It takes a lot of time, work and patience.
Love your daughters with all of your heart. Keep their dad's memory alive. It's OK to let them see you cry. Cry with them. It'll be a while before you actually have a day that you don't want to break down at the littlest thing. I have to pass the hospital where Joe died on the way to my daughter's house. I can't even glance over there. I just look straight ahead and hope for the best.
God's blessings to you and your daughters. Hugs.

Aug 16, 2011
Never ready to say goodbye
by: M Mack


I wish there was something I can say to take away your pain and sadness. I will however offer hope that you will survive this and be stronger along the way. The stages of grief are very difficult and drain ever ounce of you mentally and sometimes physically. He is with you and your girls. He knows your sadness and he will be at your side in spirit to guide the way. Many of us on this site are left alone and when we loose our loved one we feel the unfinished, unsaid and not ready to say goodbye. Be there for your girls because they need you. At the same time take care of yourself as you travel this road of grief. We are always here for support and keep writing. I have found it does help to express yourself in reading and writing. My best to you and your family.

Aug 16, 2011
None of us were...


I am so glad that you found this site early on.
It is here that I found most of my strength to carry on. Grief is hard work. Yes Work we work through grief day by day, moment by moment one step at a time. Please read other stories of grief it will let you know that you are not alone. The people here are wonderful and I would not be where I am without their support.

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