I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

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I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

by Jayne
(Coconut Creek, Fl)

It has been almost 3 months since my husband passed away unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident. He was only 46yrs old with two daughters 11 and 13 years old.
I heard a knock at the door and saw two policemen and my heart skipped a beat. They came in and asked that the children leave the room. That's when they explained that my husband was in a motorcycle accident and had not survived. I couldn't quite comprehend what they were saying and even thought that they could take back the words and everything would be alright again. Breaking the news to the girls was just the worst.
I think I then walked around in a strange bubble for about 2 weeks before the enormity of the situation sank in. It was almost like he was away on business and would be back soon. This wasn't what we had seen in our future. There were so many things left unsaid and I didn't get to say goodbye. Neither was I ready to say goodbye.
Trying to find the strength to be strong for my daughters has been both a blessing and a burden. Without them I would have no purpose to carry on but I hope that I can help them through this troubling time.
I walk about in a daze watching people living their lives, planning their lives with their loved ones and I'm jealous and angry that I don't have that anymore. I'm angry about pretty much everything these days! I can't move on when I still want to hold onto what we had. My soul mate and other half has moved on without out me.
I know he wouldn't want me to cry like I do as he was the most positive person I ever met but it's hard not to when my heart hurts so much. I hang onto the hope from others that have experienced the same that I will find peace and comfort with time.

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I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

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They are with us everyday
by: Anonymous

It was saddening to read everyone's stories. Losing a partner is very different to losing a parent or grandparent, mother or father. I lost my son 3 years ago and it doesn't get easier you just learn to deal with the pain. There will still be days that I can't stop thinking of him and I cry a lot. But that's ok - it makes me feel like I have released a lot of what I suppress often.

My children are what keep me going and my hubby. It will never be the same without our brother, son and companion but I believe that they do walk beside us. Back on the 22/02 I wrote about him and how I feel. I sat in silence and wrote and wrote and wrote. I felt him so close that night. I also have a memory book where I write all the memories I have. I encourage my family to write in it too.

Keep strong ladies and believe in yourself. The power of our inner emotions are so strong but we are too to deal with them and continue to guide our children through their lives.

All the best x

I feel your pain
by: Jackie

Jayne, I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost my husband in a blink of a eye. He had a heart attack and was gone before I returned to our bedroom. I did not get to say Goodbye or I love you. I was in a fog for about 4 months. I understand your feelings about seeing couples or families together. Why are they the lucky ones they get to keep there family unit together? My son and I have gone thru hard times adjusting to the new normal. I miss the love of life, my sounding board, the Father of my son. I mostly miss the person that always told me it was going to be ok. When you are ready find a good grief counselor or support group. My prayers are with you and your daughters. May God bless your Family.

There is no Good Bye
by: Zoe

Saying Good bye is done with planning and action, your beloved did not plan to leave you this way anymore than you planned on him leaving.
You are not saying good bye, you are looking for the life you will have now. The woman you were before he was taken no longer exists.
You are no longer wife, you are now widow. The your time has stopped, everyone else around you is still moving forward you, however,are frozen in the moment of your loss.
You understand that it does not matter how much you plan, or how strongly you love, it can be taken away.
You will find this grief you are on crushing. When you think you can do no more remember put your head down
and do as we say
one breath, one step, one day at a time
come here often, write when you need to
we are always here, and we understand.

No one is ever ready
by: Judy

No one is ever ready to say goodbye. My husband was taken after a 75 day battle with illness and I certainly wasn't ready to let him go. But we did have a chance to say some things to each other that we wanted to say. To have your husband snatched away so suddenly must be very overwhelming. I am so sorry.

You have come to a good place where people completely understand your feelings and you can say exactly how you feel. It is good you found us early. We will always be here.

JM

Saying Goodbye
by: Judith

Jayne, no one is ever ready for the loss of their loved one. Even when it's a long illness and death is expected we just can't prepare ourselves for the total heartbreak of it.

Saying "goodbye" may not be what you want to do rather than saying "until we meet again".

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and glad you have your two daughters to see each other through it.

God be with you all and see you through to peace and acceptance.

feeling your pain
by: theresa

I lost my husband 7 months ago at age 50 and also have a 5 year old.Everyone says it gets easier and I hope so. After my son is put down at night;I fall apart. I have still not moved his boots from the back door and I moved our bed into the spare room because I cant bear to lay in it without him. I get angry when I am out shopping and see other families because I no longer have that. Everyone tries to be nice but when they say "I know how you feel because I lost someone" it makes me want to scream because losing your spouse is unlike any other loss. Praying that you find the strength to carry you thru. Still seeking, Theresa

It's Hard Work
by: TrishJ

Jayne~
We never get over the loss. We only learn to live with it. The crushing overwhelming pain does eventually get to the point of something we can deal with. It never goes away. Our love for those we have lost is always there.
I told my son and daughter when my husband passed away that we all have to live our lives in a way that their dad would be proud of us. That's all any of us can do.
Your beautiful daughters are a part of their father. He will always be with you.
Today would've been my 38th wedding anniversary. I lost my husband 8 months ago. I miss him more today than ever.......but I know I can't keep looking in the rear view mirror only and expecting to drive forward. I need to look ahead. I'm not quite ready to move forward but I'm working on it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I lost loved ones in the past but nothing in this life prepared me for the crushing overwhelming pain brought on by my husband's death. It's really devastating. It takes a lot of time, work and patience.
Love your daughters with all of your heart. Keep their dad's memory alive. It's OK to let them see you cry. Cry with them. It'll be a while before you actually have a day that you don't want to break down at the littlest thing. I have to pass the hospital where Joe died on the way to my daughter's house. I can't even glance over there. I just look straight ahead and hope for the best.
God's blessings to you and your daughters. Hugs.
PJ

Never ready to say goodbye
by: M Mack

Jayne,

I wish there was something I can say to take away your pain and sadness. I will however offer hope that you will survive this and be stronger along the way. The stages of grief are very difficult and drain ever ounce of you mentally and sometimes physically. He is with you and your girls. He knows your sadness and he will be at your side in spirit to guide the way. Many of us on this site are left alone and when we loose our loved one we feel the unfinished, unsaid and not ready to say goodbye. Be there for your girls because they need you. At the same time take care of yourself as you travel this road of grief. We are always here for support and keep writing. I have found it does help to express yourself in reading and writing. My best to you and your family.

None of us were...
by:

Jayne,

I am so glad that you found this site early on.
It is here that I found most of my strength to carry on. Grief is hard work. Yes Work we work through grief day by day, moment by moment one step at a time. Please read other stories of grief it will let you know that you are not alone. The people here are wonderful and I would not be where I am without their support.
HH

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I wasn't ready to say goodbye!

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I wasn't ready to say goodbye!