I Wasn't Ready

I lost my dad 2 months ago. I got the call from my husband at work. He had passed unexpectedly in either the night before or early morning we are not sure as my Mom found him on the couch the next morning. I can't believe he is gone. He had made it through a quintuple bypass, a temporary colostomy, and his heart had gone into A-Fib at one point. He beat the odds against all this and just when he is feeling good he just slips away i just don't understand. We had gone to my friends wedding two days before and we had to pass their house to go to and from the wedding. I wanted to stop but the kids were cranky and we still had things to do before work the next day so we just went straight home. Now all i can think is why didn't I just stop, I should have stopped because he was gone two days later and I was so close. He saw his Uncle he hadn't seen in years, his best friend, and my brother and his family that day I was the only one missing that I feel he didn't get the chance to see that one last time that day. I feel like I was too deaf, dumb, and stupid to follow fate that day. I had made him some picture that I had taken at a Veterans Memorial Park and all I had left to do was get frames for them so I could give them to him to surprise him but I hadn't got the frames yet. I put them up at his memorial but all I keep saying to myself was I thought I had time and now he will never see them and I will never know what he would have thought. I have all these feelings and it is so hard to let them all go on course when I work and have two small children to take care of as I don't get alot of time for myself. Sometimes I am angry because I don't know why and we don't know the cause of death exactly so I don't know what happened. I am just trying to get through it one day at a time.

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Oct 27, 2011
He Knows You Love Him
by: TrishJ

That's all you can do is take it one day at a time. The last time I saw my father before he passed we got into an argument in a restaurant over something so petty. I feel badly when I think about that being the last time I saw him alive.

Your father knows you love him. Don't beat yourself up over not stopping to see him that day. Motherhood can be over whelming. It's difficult to not feel the guilt but trust me when I say your father knows how you feel about him.

God bless-I'm so sorry for your loss. Writing is good for the soul. This is a great site where you can come and express your feelings and everybody here understands.

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