I wasn't ready
I lost my father on the 2nd of december 2012, and this is the first time to talk about him after he passed away.
I can't say that we had the most amazing relationship in the world but everytime any of our relatives sees me they say " we know that you were daddy's little girl" ,they saw somthing that i was so blind to see!
I was always angry,sad , disappointed when he was a live , mostly because of him, I needed some space away from his restrictions, now that he died I can't feel anything but regret.
He was always there , and I had the though that he will always be, I was thinking that one day i will have the chance to show him my world ,I will take him to the places that I like, I will tell him about my friends, I will let him know everything about me….i won't be a stranger to him.
I was wrong! He died in his sleep, I didn't even had the chance to kiss him goodby, I just stood there frozen, watching the ambulance taking him for good.
After his sudden death, I don't think I cried properly, for 3 weeks I was going out everyday ,talking and listening about everything …but him.
Now I can't stop crying that i almost losing my see sight , I feel pain all over my body starting from my broken heart, I sleep over 15 hours a day just to have that chance of meeting him in a dream and beg him to forgive me!!
There is no moral of my story, there is no advice to give since words don't have any meaning till we live it .