I wasn't ready

by Deb
(Loveland Colorado)

My mom passed away on January 7th 2014. It's been almost 5 months and it feels strange to me that I still can't believe it's real. I am her only child and we were like best friends. It's so nice to know there's one person on this earth that will love you and support you and encourage you no matter what. I had that for my whole life and now that's gone. That's such an empty feeling. I should mention that I'm 48 years old and probably should be thinking more adult like. I feel so bad for young children that lose a mother or mothers who lose a child. This pain is so overwhelming sometimes, I can't imagine being in their shoes. My dad chose to have my mom cremated and I do have some of her ashes but sometimes I wish there was someplace I could go and talk to her and feel like she's there. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Comments for I wasn't ready

Click here to add your own comments

Jul 28, 2014
My mom
by: Claudia

Dear friend,
I lost my Mom six months ago and I took her ashes to a Japanese Garden a place of piece beautiful sounds birds water running such a magical place I went there for mother's day and felt a relieve since the place is very peaceful. I can go there whenever I want by myself and know her spirit is in a good place. I had her ashes for a while for a month but I knew she needed to be free and not in a box so I hope you can find a place of piece and happiness for your Mom. Your friend Claudia.

Jul 03, 2014
not ready
by: katie

Please accept my condolences.
I too lost mum 11 weeks ago after massive stroke last august. Heartbroken and haunted by her helplessness and suffering those last months in hospitals.
I was not assertive enough with the nurse who made me go home the night she died. I protested and was reassured she would be fine, why did I not refuse to go? Howled all the way home to get the call 2 hours later that she was gone.
We bereaved have to spend so much energy keeping up at work and being brave for our friends and families it`s good to share freely. I had a wonderful mum and I know she had a great life and eventually I hope to get perspective on that.
As for what to do about a remembrance place. We took my mum`s ashes to loch lomond. The sun shone and we had a really lovely day. I wonder did your mum have a special place in her heart for somewhere too? take care dear friend, Katie

Jul 03, 2014
the right place
by: Katie

I too lost mum 11 weeks ago after massive stroke last august. Heartbroken and haunted by her helplessnes and suffering those last months in hospitals.
I was not assertive enough with the nurse who made me go home the night she died. I protested and was reassured she would be fine, why did I not refuse to go? Howled all the way home to get the call 2 hours later that she was gone.
We bereaved have to spend so much energy keeping up at work and being brave for our friends and families it`s good to share freely. I had a wonderful mum and I know she had a great life and eventually I hope to get perspective on that.
As for what to do about a remembrance place. We took my mum`s ashes to loch lomond. The sun shone and we had a really lovely day. I wonder did your mum have a special place in her heart for somewhere too? take care dear friend, Katie

Jun 01, 2014
I Was'nt Ready
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the loss of your dear Mother. I, too, lost my wonderful Mother this past January 23, 2014. I am not an only child. I have one brother. But everything else you have and are going through describes exactly what I am going through. I am 46 years old and I feel like a lost little girl without my Mom. My Mom was my world. I took care of her and helped her for the past two years as she battled cancer. I miss her desperately and panic at times too. I know she wouldn't want me to be so sad. She would want me to take care of my family and be happy. It's hard but I will do it somehow. I wish I could hear her voice and talk to me everyday. I lost my best friend. It feels like my heart and soul has been ripped from me. It will take time. We have to try and live our lives the best we can that would make our Mothers happy. I keep trying to do that. At times I hear her whisper "Monica, I am okay. You have to get going. You have things to take care of." That is what gets me going forward.

May 27, 2014
Dear Deb,
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read about your mother. I am an only child as well, and lost my sweet father suddenly in January 2013. He died from Sudden Cardiac Arrest, and there was no chance to say goodbye. While I have finally come to accept his death, the void he has left in my life is huge, and it will never be filled. I am 48 years old, with a family of my own, but I was still a Daddy's girl. I think of him every single day, and I have a lot of great memories that comfort me. He was cremated, and my mother has his remains at home. I still find it too difficult to look at the urn, and mother and I have not gotten rid of any of his things. His jacket is still hanging on the back of his armchair. I have come to learn that there is no "right" way to grieve, there is no timeframe, and there is no age limit. The fact that I no longer have a father is so devastating to me, even though I know I am at the age where we will lose our parents. I take each day as it comes, and I try to enjoy each day that I am here. I know my Dad would want me to carry on this way, and live a beautiful life in his honor. I hope you can begin to heal, and hope you find some comfort on this website. Reading all of these kind and supportive words have gotten me through some very dark days. You will be in my thoughts, Barb

May 26, 2014
One and only
by: Anonymous

My mother passed on May 13,2014. My mother was 85 she would've been 86 June 4th. I knew it was coming for awhile and tried to prepare myself but when the time came I was not prepared for the unbearable pain of her absence. My one comfort is that God answered my prayers and made it possible for my mother to be released from ICU well enough to come home and pass 2 weeks later at home where she had lived with us for the past 12 years. She felt secure, safe and loved there. Her last words were I am so happy and I love you so much.
I am 60 years old but do not feel like an adult losing her mother but like a little girl losing her mommy. I am the only child too and she used to call me her one and only. Being the only child and going through many struggles with my mother growing up our bond was so strong. It still feels so surreal and I still see her puttering around in the kitchen and hear her sweet voice. Having that one person in my life that loved me so much no matter what is such a gift but such a loss when she is no longer in my daily life. I regret not spending enough time with her even while she lived with us but realize that no matter how much time I spent with her it would never be enough now that she is gone. Every time the thought of her being gone forever hits me I feel a panic followed by and incredible longing for her. I walk around with a feeling like screaming in my gut that nobody can hear. I talk to my mother all anywhere in private because I believe she always hears me and that belief comforts me. I am very sorry for your loss. I truly empathize with you. I am taking it one day at a time and keep hearing my mothers words of advice " you have to be strong". I know my mother is never far away because she continues to live in me. Sending love and prayers

May 26, 2014
Time
by: Tony

My father when he was cremated and when we received his urn in the mail my mother had his ashes sent to a military cemetery and had him a tomb stone placed in the ash garden in the military cemetery. She liked the idea because she believed he would be happy because it's always busy there.
My mothers recent passing required signatures from all the children so she had to wait to be cremated perhaps until Wednesday which she will be placed next to my father in the same cemetery, but my mother would have it no other way. She hated the idea of burial.
Whenever I am gone I will be cremated. I would desire nothing else.
In the Hebrew bible the King of Israel Saul was cremated along with his son when both were slain in the battle-field. King David said afterward in a sermon or speech that they were the most lovely people ever he ever met.
Best wishes to you. Time will awaken you perhaps to live and smile.

May 26, 2014
I wasn't ready
by: Doreen UK

Deb first let me say that I am sorry for your loss of your mother.
Secondly I say do not compare your loss to anyone else's. Your loss is significant to you and you have that right to tell your story and how it has affected you, and your life now, and have your story validated and respected.
There will always be more tragic losses and to people younger than you. BUT. Age has no less an impact on the death experience and how it has left us feeling.
We are created with a Bond established from when a mother carries her child in her for 9 months and how she nurtures and rears her child. I always liken this feeling as if the UMBILICAL cord was never cut, and mother and child are always attached/connected to each other. There is a bond that can never be severed by DEATH. But the Pain of which is felt FOREVER. The fact that you are 48yrs. has no bearing on how you should feel. It has nothing to do with Maturity or age. The pain of loss is so UNBEARABLE. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago when I was 55yrs. of age. I felt this loss. I have since lost my husband of 44yrs. 2yrs. ago to cancer and it is my worst loss.
Now to get back to the ashes of your mom and how to honour her when you don't have a grave to go to. If you have a garden you can create a spot just for her and decorate this like a mini grave where you will have her close to you, and also be able to go to this spot. I have done this in my garden for my husband despite the fact he has a grave and I will be buried in the same plot as him. (a grave for two). If you don't have a garden you can do this in an apartment. Just creating a SPACE where you can keep the ashes and honour your mother. There may be other places outside where you can bury the ashes and make this spot a very private and special place for both of you. You may now come up with more suggestions. It may trigger off other ways you can do what you need to so you can live in Peace. Knowing what grief feels like now will allow you to realise that NONE of us are ever prepared for this moment. We are never ready for this moment of burying a loved one as significant as our mother's were.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Moms.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!