I wish I could appreciate all the things my dad did for me


My father died on 16th of october 2013, at 10:15 am. I was standing in front of him, when he was taking his last breath. I could never think that my father would not be here anymore with me. all this happened, when I came form England vacations. I came home, no one was home. my mother was in Praha, with my sister and my brothers were out. My father had a pain in her stomach, i though its just a normal pain he used to have. but then the pain became worse and worse day by day. He stopped eating any thing. this all happened for 3 days, then we decided to take him to the hospital where he could get a better treatment and of course some food as well. When he reach to the hospital the situation was still the same. His stomach was becoming huge and huge and the doctors couldn't find any problem of disease. after watching x-rays and reports the doctor were claiming that it might be just air and nothing serious. my father didn't eat anything for a about one week. Then he was switched to the another hospital, which was one of the best hospital. over there, after taking reports and everything the doctors decided to do a operation with his stomach. At that time my father became very much weak and he gave me his ring which he had on his finger for many years. we were 2 sisters and 2 brother over there. my mother and another sister were on their way from Praha. the operation was successful and the doctors said that the appendix was destroyed. Therefore, the stomach was huge and was difficult to see what was the reason behind. After the operation, next morning I met my father. He loved my and said, ¨baby, ( my nickname) I don't know what happened to me, i didn't think all this before. then he cried. I went out of the room, so that he won't see me that i actually wanted to cry. i dint wanted him to know that i felt really bad. My mom was there, everyone was there. we were 5 children and one mom in that hospital with our dad, day and night. but then suddenly my father began to forget the things, small things. we called the nurse she said everything is fine with him, its just the dose of the operation. But after some hours it happened something that my father became yellow, and he couldn't speak anything, while he wanted to ( I could see in his eyes). his eyes were open, and he was shivering. He was taken to the emergency room, there he was held under some machines. we all were there. But then the doctor said that we might take our father to the coma- with machines. Some machines, would help him to breath, because he had some infections in his lungs. Before taking into coma, he breath loud and loud that feared us. We thought that he is going now, but then the machines were put on. doctors said that he had a brain stroke. he was then held under the coma, where he had nothing reaction. But we could see his reaction of oxygen, when we as soon as left his hand. we decided that everyone of us ( 5 siblings), would stay with him, while holding his hand. That time was really tough for us. We cried a lot and everyone was together. after days , the doctor came with reports and said that, ¨we are just waiting for the last report, but the other reports are saying that your dad is dead¨. this gave us shock and we began to prepare for everything, since we are muslims we began to call mosque and everything. The doctors were 100% sure that the man was died already, it was just machine who was giving oxygen. But my brother said that this is not possible, we have still a hope of one report. I decided in my heart, that I would now never ever believe in ALLAH, because it was him who was taking my dad away from me. I was pretty sure that i will loose my all contact from My Allah. then the report came, which said that my father was actually alive!. This shocked the whole hospital. Every doctors were surprised. I began to seek forgiveness, i was very rude to My Allah. but he didm´t do anything to my father as i said so. Then after this report, the doctors switched my father to other post. where the doctors said that we are taking off the coma machines, but we have to look that your father should respond to anything. after taking out the machines, some one was still with PAPA, so that there was always someone who could hold his hand. When I was there, i saw that my dad was responding to me when i was talking to him. when i asked something or said that open your eyes, he just tried to open, not really open. but it could see that when eyes were close, the inner ball were responding. then this happened, he slowly slowly began to open his eyes. and then he opened his eyes and began to talk with us. during this time, he remembered all our relatives who were died, he began to talk something about the things which were not normal. every doctor said that he is absolutely alright, its juts the medicine due to which he is talking like this. but my mother had believed that there is something. He was improving very much. as soon as he was about to come home, ( we shopped, jogging shoes and clothes, so that he could jog, as doctors said) suddenly there was problem in his breath. Oxygen cam down, the blood pressure became high and so was infection. the doctors were surprised, how could this ever happen. he was the man who came from the death how could it be. this all happened in one night, when i went home after many days just because everything was normal before i left my dad. next morning i was sleeping, my brothers were with my father. at 8 am, my brother rang me and said come to the hospital. i went there everyone told me that after taking out the machines, my father will die. its just the machines who are supporting my father, but not so longer. i could see in my fathers eyes, that he was really sad of going. not because he was going, but because he was leaving his children, his wife. he had a lot of things to do, i am the youngest in my family. he wanted me to become the lawyer, he wanted mine, my sister and my brother wedding. He wanted to buy a new big house for us. He wanted to play whit his grandchildren. He was crying, i know he was thinking of me that how will baby live. What will happen with her, though my brothers are just like my father but still a fathers place no one can ever take. while the nurse was removing the machines, i decided to go out of the room with my mother, so that my PAPPA wouldn't not feel to bad after seeing us crying. he loved me the most, i was his princess. as soon as i went out, he died, it took just few minutes.
i don't know why i am sharing all this things today. but i was missing him so much today. I am crying while I am writing this story. i know it might be the longest story and no one would prefer for read, but i think i had a lot of things to tell which i couldn't express in words. the feelings i were going through and which i am going through now is something no one can feel. this everything happened in just 2 weeks, but it took my whole life. i still remember, my father said to me that ¨dear, i am going to the hospital. its upon Allah weather i would be alive or dead, but do care of yourself´. :( i love you papa :(
I am sorry for the language, i am living in a country where english is not an official language. i hope so everyone would understand, what i meant to say.

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