I wish I had that six days

by s

My mum had a close shave earlier this year and we were to be prepared for the worst. But she pulled through albeit much weakened. Living in a different state, I planned trips back home lasting two days to a week so I could help take care of her.
At first, it was staying over at the hospital but as she got better, it was keeping her company at home. But this meant less frequent trip due to my work as well. I thought I still have time.
My next trip was to be Sept 14th for six days and I was going to make sure she ate better and spoil her. But just one day before, my sister called to say her condition worsened and I went back then. It was heartbreaking to see her so frail, unresponsive although still conscious. The whole family stayed at the hospital but just before three pm on the 14th, my mum passed.
I know it takes time but I feel really sad and angry and distraught about not being able to get that six days with her. Instead of talking with her and cooking for her, we prepared for her wake and funeral. I cry and think why didn't I go back a week earlier? I am sad that while I had time, I did not use it well and took her shopping. I made do with phone calls after work.
It is not that I think I could have prevented her passing, but I could have been with her more. I know I can't change anything and life goes on... but I so want to have been able to take care of her for that six days... I miss her so very much.

Comments for I wish I had that six days

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Dec 24, 2013
I wish I had that six days
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel. I was like you hoping to spend a few weeks with my mum as she wasn't very well and she passes away a few days after I arrived. I too feel guilty about the lost time. However we don't have a crystal ball and cannot foretell the future.Our intentions were good and we did what we thought was right at the time.Be gentle with yourself the fact that you are feeling this way shows what a caring kind person you are.

Nov 17, 2013
thank you
by: S

Kara n Doreen, thank you for your kindness. I am still sad and in pain but I am touched that you both took time to offer comfort to me. I know time will heal all wounds so I am giving myself time.

Oct 26, 2013
My condolences
by: Kara

I am very sad and sorry for your loss. I know just how you feel. I know people explain grief in stages which after just losing my mom mean nothing to me. These "stages" feel more like reasons for some people in life to feel as though there's this timeline for when I ought to feel back to my normal self. Any way, that may just be how I feel.

There is nothing worse then being robbed of precious time for what afterward feel like "small" reasons.

I want you to know even though I don't know you that
I do know and feel your loss, pain and grief.

All my condolences to you as I hope you find comfort somewhere along your journey. Peace and Love, Kara

Oct 25, 2013
I wish I had that six days
by: Doreen UK

S I am sorry for your loss of your mom. sometimes our plans don't work out the way we wanted due to circumstances and it adds to one's grief. Even if you wanted to care for your mom for six days but make phone calls instead each evening. Be content that you did this. Making contact with your mother any way it comes would have made a difference. I think most mom's accept the busy lives their children have and so she would have had understanding about this.
The same thing happened to me. My mom rushed to the bus station to get a timetable for me to come visit her long distance. I didn't feel confident travelling alone so I didn't go. She must have been disappointed. But I didn't beat myself up. Firstly because I had spent a week with my mother the previous year. I also sold my home and came to live next door to her so I could look after her in her old age. But out of awkwardness she moved to another country and then came back and settled next to my youngest sister. So I accepted my limitations and never felt any guilt over this. Perhaps your guilt/bad feelings are due to grief and may pass with time. But if they don't then go and see a grief counsellor, to help release yourself of any guilt. I know it hurts. We all will live with regrets in life and wish we had done things differently and better, but this is all part of living in an imperfect world. I lost my mom 10yrs. ago so have had time to heal from this loss, but I lost my husband of 44yrs. 17 months ago to cancer and I miss lots of things I could have done differently but I accept that I can't change the past so have to find a way to live with peace in the present/future.

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