I wish my mothers life was happier for her .
by Lorraine (daughter)
Ever since i can remember my mother was a very unhappy and cruel person. I never really could figure it out. It wasn't just me, she didn't want me around and after my grandparents sold the house for the first time me at fourteen years, she must now raise on her own two teenage girls. My mother never remarried after my Dad left her with another woman. So my mother decided to act that out and have three affairs of her own. It was sad, and i made my point all the time what i thought. Finally she kicked me out not even sixteen as yet. so for the next few years i bummed around to get myself in school. It was hard i got sick at one point and they called my mother and she told them she was not responsible for me. There was other times also.
I finally hit a dead end and called my grandfather who never said a word, came and got me. I stayed with them until i graduated and my grandmother told me i would have to leave. No money, car, or place to live. The apple did not fall far from the tree. Within six months i got married it was easier for me as i couldn't find a job, as the saying goes, i had no experience.
I wanted so much more, too go to college. But my mother said they couldn't afford it. I very seldom saw her. She was a very bitter, lonely spiteful woman. I could go on with the things she did to lots of people but it is hard to think of your mother doing and saying those things. Her and i would talk over the years as she got older, i did go to college and i bought my own car and home. She never did any of those things.
I did not found out about her death in November 11, 2012 until a few days ago by accident online. It was like everything stood still. No one contacted me, my mother and i already had a understanding that i would not attend her funeral. There was none, no friends , no service. But there are so many mix emotions that i have about her, i am so glad i wrote her a letter in 2010 and explained to her how she treated me and how i felt. The things i had accomplished and the things i wanted for her. I heard nothing. Never I am sorry. She told me, " I have to leave this earth with you thinking i was a bad mother?", I told her Yes. She also let a message and said "i feel like i wasted my life". God has truly blessed me in so many ways. It pains my heart that my mother at the end of her life realized she haven't done anything in her life, not even with her children. I have thought and thought about my mother behavior and my grandmother. I am also certain that they suffer from Bipolar. This was not known at that time. I feel a broken heart to think my mother never since i can remember very seldom if never did she smile and was truly happy. Despite all of the things she did and didn't do,She was my mother and i love her. The one thing i pray to God for, is that my mother is now truly happy and smiling and finally at peace.