I wish my mothers life was happier for her .

by Lorraine (daughter)

My Mom

My Mom

Ever since i can remember my mother was a very unhappy and cruel person. I never really could figure it out. It wasn't just me, she didn't want me around and after my grandparents sold the house for the first time me at fourteen years, she must now raise on her own two teenage girls. My mother never remarried after my Dad left her with another woman. So my mother decided to act that out and have three affairs of her own. It was sad, and i made my point all the time what i thought. Finally she kicked me out not even sixteen as yet. so for the next few years i bummed around to get myself in school. It was hard i got sick at one point and they called my mother and she told them she was not responsible for me. There was other times also.

I finally hit a dead end and called my grandfather who never said a word, came and got me. I stayed with them until i graduated and my grandmother told me i would have to leave. No money, car, or place to live. The apple did not fall far from the tree. Within six months i got married it was easier for me as i couldn't find a job, as the saying goes, i had no experience.

I wanted so much more, too go to college. But my mother said they couldn't afford it. I very seldom saw her. She was a very bitter, lonely spiteful woman. I could go on with the things she did to lots of people but it is hard to think of your mother doing and saying those things. Her and i would talk over the years as she got older, i did go to college and i bought my own car and home. She never did any of those things.

I did not found out about her death in November 11, 2012 until a few days ago by accident online. It was like everything stood still. No one contacted me, my mother and i already had a understanding that i would not attend her funeral. There was none, no friends , no service. But there are so many mix emotions that i have about her, i am so glad i wrote her a letter in 2010 and explained to her how she treated me and how i felt. The things i had accomplished and the things i wanted for her. I heard nothing. Never I am sorry. She told me, " I have to leave this earth with you thinking i was a bad mother?", I told her Yes. She also let a message and said "i feel like i wasted my life". God has truly blessed me in so many ways. It pains my heart that my mother at the end of her life realized she haven't done anything in her life, not even with her children. I have thought and thought about my mother behavior and my grandmother. I am also certain that they suffer from Bipolar. This was not known at that time. I feel a broken heart to think my mother never since i can remember very seldom if never did she smile and was truly happy. Despite all of the things she did and didn't do,She was my mother and i love her. The one thing i pray to God for, is that my mother is now truly happy and smiling and finally at peace.

Comments for I wish my mothers life was happier for her .

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Apr 22, 2013
God Bless you both
by: Lorraine

Thank You very much from the both of you. You both are so right and that is my grief for her. Yes it is sad that my mother did not get the help she needed as i saw it and ask my grandmother about it and her response to me was there was nothing wrong with her. Looking back now they was both the same, so how could my grandmother see anything not right with her daughter. It is very painful to know as both of you and many more when a parent especially a mother passes away that they have regrets on how they handled there life. That is the most difficult for me. My mother journey is over and now she is answering to God. But he is a forgiving God and she will now have the peace and happiness she should have had here on earth. Thank You from the bottom of my heart. God Bless

Apr 22, 2013
I wish my mothers life was happier for her.
by: Doreen U.K.

Lorraine You are truly a very special woman and daughter. You were rejected. You reached out and got hurt by both your mother and grandmother. I am happy you know God and having Him in your life He will Heal you from the inside over time and make you a whole person. I hope you are now Blessed in marriage and have a happier life.
Your mother was a victim of her own childhood and your grandmother also. They probably never knew love and happiness and all that goes with it. Your mother would have had children with expectations of rearing them and having as happy a family as she could and tried to have. Your father cheated on her. She became bitter and self absorbed going out and making a life for her self to fulfil her needs. Often when a mother doesn't have her needs fulfilled she can't meet the needs of her family.
Your family is not so uncommon. I came from a family where my father was treated so very cruelly he went on to have 6 children. We were ruled with a rod of iron but we were respectful to our parents. Which continued to the day mom died 10yrs. ago at 77yrs.
When I married. My husband and I raised 3 children but he was on the road a lot and so didn't have an active part in rearing our children. This fell on me. But he was a good man who worked hard 6 days a week for 47yrs. He developed a deadly cancer from his workplace and died 11 months ago. We were married 44yrs. My children grew up with sadness of not having a 2 parent family around. Families will always be fractured. Children will continue to grow up with distortions in how they were brought up and parents will continually be confused about trying to be a good parent and perhaps failed according to how their children feel. It is at time of death when families can either come together or stay apart. Some wrongs can be forgiven and relationships be rescued and some not. FORGIVENESS is not always easy. BUT. For me the counselling experience gave me the chance to resolve my losses and hurts of the past and become the person I always wanted to be.
Some people could never forget their PAST because it was too painful. Some people can FORGIVE their PAST and forge out a life that is meaningful and happy. But the sadness of a life having not lived and seen happiness is even addressed in the Bible. This is a life that is filled with regret and I feel a sadness for. people like your mother, grandmother, and my own father. I guess we can just go on and ask God to Heal that part of our Past. It is a kind of loss we do also grieve for our own parents and grandparents. Because they are still our FAMILY and part of our on going HISTORY.
I wish you a happier life than you grew up in. Best Wishes for your own FAMILY.

Apr 21, 2013
Dear Lorraine,
by: Pat in Missouri

After a long career in protective services for children, I believe that some people just were not meant to be parents. I think your mother was mentally ill. It's too bad no one ever tried to get her help. Even her picture shows how unhappy she was. I am so aorry. Regardless, she was your mother. We all have a special connection with our mothers. Your mixed feelings are very understandable. She did, afterall, give birth to you. I think it is terrible that no one notified you of her death.

Life for your mother was miserable. I suspect she could not help herself because she was mentally ill and never got the care she needed. However, God blessed you by showing you a way to find your own life, despite no parental support. It's amazing that you were able to get the education you so much wanted and made a life for yourself. Please be assured that your mother is at peace now and has finally found the happiness she never had here on earth. I commend you for your strength and the way you grew up pretty much on your own. Remember your mother could not help herself. Bless you, child. I hope you find peace in knowing your mother is no longer struggling to find happiness. She has found it now.

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