I wish there was a God

by Jaskaran
(Northhollywood)

I woke up to my cousin walking in to my room fighting to mumble something and everyone around me started crying, and I feared for what might be the reason. I heard him but couldn't comprehend the words it was like they just went right through my ears. I asked repeatedly to everyone besides me but I got no answer. We all got up and left for the hospital. I finally got enough courage to ask if she's still alive and I got no reply. I lost my sister at the age of 10. She was 14 when she lost her fight against cancer. It's been 6 years and I've never coped with losing her.

My grandmother resides in India and talked to a Pandit who informed her before her death that my sisters hardest days are going to be on June 5th, the day she passed away. Not only that a random stranger came to my home in India and said the same thing. There was speculation going on in my family that we've been under black magic. This was the reason I never coped with the loss of my sister. I assumed that since theres black magic why wouldn't there be white magic. So while everyone cried I would think can't wait until I bring back my sister from the dead.

Another reason I never coped with her death was I felt guilty receiving the attention. I don't know why but I probably felt guilty because of the fact that I enjoyed the attention. Now I'm 16 years and have little memory of my sister. We moved from California to Indiana in an effort to get away from everything that reminded my mom about her. My moms never been the same as well as our whole family. The word family doesn't mean as much as it did before.

The worst part of losing her is knowing she's been forgotten by the world. She's missing out on so much stuff like the new Disney shows or how crazy technologies improved. All this information that she will never know. My kids are never going to meet her and I'm never going to meet her kids. She doesn't exist except in our memories and thats not enough for me.

I withdrew my faith in any religion and highly doubt the existence of God and that makes me even more depressed knowing she's not out there in some heaven like place.I wish there was a God out there because then my sister would still be in existence.