I won the Lottery with my Dad

by Phuong T. Caldwell
(San Diego, CA)

I just learned of my father's death yesterday and he died in 2008 of lung cancer. I met my dad when I was six after the longest flight of my life on TWA from Viet Nam. Mom had met and married dad and came to "America" with him. In 1968 mom came back for us. Dad was all of 27 years old but took out a large loan for his wife to go back and get her children out of a war torn country. Dad had two kids with mom Paul and Steve all of a sudden he had six kids on a E2 salary. We never realized we were half siblings the word never came up, until dad remarried when I was 17. My dad taught me the love of reading from The Holy Bible to trashy novels. Dad taught me to forgive, respect, and about Jesus. Dad was my dad, all the horrible step father stories out there. I didn't understand because dad was my dad, he respected me he taught my brothers to respect me as a girl in a houseful of boys. I spent hours talking to my dad about stuff, he's my dad.
My dad and mom divorced when I was 16 it was horrible to see my family fall apart. But then his new "wife" didn't want him to talk to us because we weren't his. I was sneaky I emailed my dad every chance I had and dad I communicated through email. When he stopped emailing I thought she had found my emails and deleted them. I learned of his death when Paul on a whim called because he wanted to visit his father. His new wife told Paul that he died of lung cancer in 2008 and gave us no other information. We had to google information on my father because this woman's bitterness. I'm not sure whether to be angry or hurt that my dad threw me away like I was yesterday's trash. How do I start to grieve?